Another from the Ravioli true stories collection.
My eldest brother is very frugal.
He also keeps active by swimming at the local YMCA.
So, one day he's getting dressed after the swim and he's putting on his undies and they look like a tiger had attacked his butt... torn up quite a bit... but according to him clean.
One of his swim buddies says "damn Joe, what's up with that?" and he says "My wife can't get enough of me."
As they walk out to the parking lot my sister in law walks up and says hi. The buddy goes into vapor lock and my brother just looks at his wife and says "I'll explain when we get home."