Tips for a fearful wife?

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Kevin Eggert

Pre-takeoff checklist
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Kevin
I was wondering if anyone might have some tips for getting my wife to enjoy flying or, at very least, not hate it.

I was finally able to get her to take a short flight with me today and it didn't go too well. The air was quite smooth with no real turbulence and except for being a bit warm, the weather was favorable for a nice short flight. We planned a quick flight to a nearby airport (=/- 30 miles away) to have lunch with my parents who were there already and pick up our son (5 yrs old) to bring back home after a weekend with grandma and grampa. She was quite nervous, so I kept explaining what I was doing and what the sounds were that she was worried about. She gripped the seat and hand hold by the door until her knuckles were white and as she was wearing sunglasses, I can't be sure, but I don't believe her eyes were open for most of the flight. Right after take off I asked her if she would like me to come back around and land. She said she was OK and that we should keep going. The flight was very smooth and quick (12 minutes or so in the air). When we landed, she was very happy to get out of the plane and I felt bad for even asking her to try it. She did not enjoy it at all and didn't really want to get back in the plane for the return trip. I suggested having my father drive her back that is what we did. My mom rode along with my son and I for the trip back to the home airport. I made sure to not make her feel bad about it and my parents were glad to do it. I just need some tips to maybe try again in some way. I know jumping in to some long cross country would have been a bad idea so that is why I picked a very short trip. I had hopes of being able to take my wife and son a few places in the plane this year, but it seems like that might not happen. My son loves flying and is eager to go a few places, but it isn't much of a family trip if mom doesn't want to go along too. I'm sure I'm not alone in this problem so any advice, tips, or thoughts on how to help this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
 
For my wife's first flight I gave her a digital camera (not a cell phone, an acutal digital camera) with instructions on how to ensure best picture quality through the cockpit windows. She was further instructed that if she felt nervous at any time, to take a picture or two of something interesting.

We came back from that 30 minute flight with 250 pictures.

Three years later she was selected as the Mission Scanner of the Year for the CAP Wing.

Yah, she likes flying now. :D
 
Watching this thread. My wife doesn't like to fly commercial and I had a similar experience to yours the last time she flew with me.
 
Good luck. Most people that are uncomfortable flying don't change. I'm married to one of those (31 years now).

We have an agreement...she is welcome to come with me on any flight but I don't ask her any more, and that way she doesn't have to feel bad about constantly turning me down.

How bad is it? Here's the current example. My 95-year old MIL passed away last week (led a good life, and died peacefully at home moments after returning from a nice outing to get ice cream). She lived on the west coast, we live on the lee side of the Rockies in the foothills. My wife deemed a commercial flight, while wrapped up in anti-COVID protection, safer than flying in my "small" airplane. I have the exact opposite view. So I took her to the airport yesterday to catch a commercial flight. And flew my Aztec solo to the same destination airport on the coast today. I tell all my friends separate airplanes is the way to preserve a good marriage. :D

Once again, good luck!
 
My wife was deadly nervous. I, like the OP, told her each step why we felt bumps and that we were fine. She also started drinking a small bottle of her favorite wine as I untied the plane. It took probably five flights but she started asking to fly to lunches and such. I wouldn’t say she adores flying, but she loves the utility of getting places faster and takes a 1000 pictures. Wine and patience; my solutions.
 
My wife (who was a helicopter and fixed-wing flight nurse for more than a decade) doesn't care for small planes either. I love her and respect her too much to do anything that might make her feel bad about not wanting to fly with me. Just as she would never pressure me about sharing her passion for horses and dressage. We enjoy doing many things together, and have for 38 years. Neither flying nor horses/dressage is on that list however.
 
My wife has been my first passenger in the last couple of planes I've owned. She will go now and again for bragging rights but don't want to be up too long and she likes it nice and smooth. Lately she doesn't care to go so, out of courtesy I don't pressure her but remind her now and again if she'd like to go the offer is always open.

She has told some of her coworkers that they should come and get ride. Years ago I asked her why she didn't care so much for flying and she said, "I trust you and I trust the airplane, I just don't like looking down."
 
I'll happily take up any of your wives. after 2 30 minutes flying with me, they'll thoroughly appreciate flying with you. consider it my way of giving back to the PoA community.
 
Better living through chemistry?? my wife hates as well. To get into the big iron- takes a good destination and couple of Xanax. To get Into the 182 it takes a serious time saving trip and couple of Xanax. She still hates it. Wears my foggles so she can’t see out of plane while doing her crossword. Kids don’t care. But recently I stopped asking about going somewhere and instead just telling her I’m going with kids. She stays home with dog. It works out. She’ll fly again. But the idea of a spontaneous trip is out of the question. I used to wake up many a Saturday and say “hey let’s head to the beach for the afternoon.” Then get super bummed when she came up with her myriad of excuses as to why we can’t- which were veils foe is don’t want to fly’. I keep telling her when we get something roomier like a 310 she’ll be better. Lol
 
I agree with the others who doubt if she will change. My first wife(now deceased), had so many reasons to dislike flying, I only took her up one time, and we turned back within 15 minutes. She did not like loud noises, would get motion sickness even in cars, did not like loss of control, would not fly airlines, would have to drug herself to do long auto trips, etc. needless to say I drove anytime she would agree to take a vacation. There might be hope if your wife has only one reason to not fly, but my first wife had multiple reasons which I feel she would never overcome.
 
Kevin Eggert said:
I was wondering if anyone might have some tips for getting my wife to enjoy flying or, at very least, not hate it.
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1. If you're NEW she's going to be nervous for obvious reasons.
2. If you drive bad, she will automatically associate that with your flying

My wife initially wouldn't fly, and I didn't press her. She loves to verbally "spar" with a pilot friend of mine and he goaded her into a ride. She flew in a Luscombe for 20 minutes on her first flight about 20-50 feet AGL.

She fly's with me on local flights, but will not fly more than an hour and a half (preferred commercial prior to COVID which could be a selling point for you now).

My little sister hadn't flown in 20 years and DROVE on all trips. Being the "best big brother", I'd call her every week and tell her I was doing a fuel run up to the next town and did she want to go (knowing the answer would always be "no, absolutely not"). Well one day she said she'd meet me at the field, and she did. Her first ride initially was pretty similar to your wife's (and I was over 200 hours at that time). We went through the complete pre-flight which helped her and seeing the engine (Tiger cowl gives complete access), the MAGs, etc. helped a ton. Airborne explaining the bumps were the same as riding a raft in a river (which she does), helped settle her down. Flying over her house and her taking pictures of her "brood" of dogs was a complete game changer. I must've done about 50-70 laps (not joking) and then told her let's head back ... her reply was," so soon?". Took her around the mountain to the Class C and she taped the landing which was side by side with a Southwest Airlines flight (she's recording) - she didn't feel the landing and reacted to the throttle up for the "go" part of the TNG. Approach with new passengers is flat (as seen in the video) as they HATE steep approaches ... good luck, she'll come around eventually.

 
AIDS is real. Aviation induced divorce syndrome.
 
iamtheari said:
The general rule is that, if your first wife doesn’t like your airplane, you should get a new one.
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FTFY.

MacFly said:
...We enjoy doing many things together, and have for 38 years. Neither flying nor horses/dressage is on that list however.
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That is the ONE exception my wife will make. She breeds, raises and trains horses for dressage. If there's a horse to see at the other end of the journey she will sometimes agree to get in the airplane. Sometimes. :oops:

benyflyguy said:
...I keep telling her when we get something roomier like a 310 she’ll be better. Lol
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I have a big, comfortable, cavernous Aztec. It helps. A bit. But only a wee bit, and only on some infrequent occasions. See above. :(
 
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My wife likes to fly with me much more than she used to, snd I'm pretty sure it's because I started involving her more IN the flights, treating her more like a helper than a passenger. I put the EFB I use (currently iFlyGPS, but you could put FltPlanGo or Avare on for free) on her tablet, showed her how to look up frequencies, airport info, weather via adsb-in, etc., and basic chart reading. She spends the entire flights finding map details on the ground, confirming frequencies for me, etc. Also, I have her read preflight and other checklists for me.... although I of course confirm everything personally. She's still scared to death of the yoke and rudder pedals and has less than zero interest in learning to fly at all, but she likes being involved in the other aspects.

A word of advice.....do NOT enable adsb traffic on her tablet. I made that mistake, thinking my wife would enjoy trying to find the other planes. Nope. She was convinced we were going to crash into every plane on the display...didn't grasp the concept that an inch was about 15 nm away, and there was 30,000 feet of altitude between us most times.
 
I have no advice. My wife doesn't like to fly. Even less in small planes. She's flown once with an instructor friend of ours, and says she'd be willing to again. But as of now she's adamant she will not fly with me because she's convinced of we were both in the same small plane, we'd orphan our kids. I've flown both kids and plenty of friends who trust me enough to just hop in the plane. I've resigned myself to maybe never taking up my wife.
 
When my wife and I were first dating almost 25 years ago, she was afraid to fly in anything. Our first trip together was from San Francisco to Sydney and for 15 hours she asked about every little bump, "is that ok?". I think the circulation to my hand was non-existent for 15 hours. :D

She was my first passenger a week after earning my PPL... she had been up with me and my CFI a few times. Now she hates flying commercial (for all the hassle) and loves flying with me. Last year we flew from Reno to Maine and on a trip from Portland, ME to Oxford, CT, we were in solid IFR for almost 2 hours and she was fine. She knows how airplanes fly and has had enough training that she can land the plane if she had to.

Now after 500 hours in the right seat, she points out other planes well before I can see them and points out every little mistake I make. :D

I think I am quite lucky.
 
MuseChaser said:
A word of advice.....do NOT enable adsb traffic on her tablet. I made that mistake, thinking my wife would enjoy trying to find the other planes. Nope. She was convinced we were going to crash into every plane on the display...didn't grasp the concept that an inch was about 15 nm away, and there was 30,000 feet of altitude between us most times.
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Same. What really freaked her out was I made the mistake of pointing out another plane landing right next to us on a parallel runway. I think that's what pushed her over the edge.
 
Everyone is different. One of my hockey friends said he tried flying in a small plane once and hated the “slippery” feeling and won’t try it again. My wife has been on several trips with me. Each time she says it is her last but in a year or two she’s ready for another. The last trip Dramamine helped her. She has ZERO interest in pre-flight or actually trying the controls. It seems more involvement helps some, but may be too overwhelming for others.

Bottom line is keep offering and keep asking what you can do to make her more comfortable. Otherwise, the best that you can hope for is that she supports your hobby.
 
Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am. We go places as a family and have been in some rough stuff, and in an Arrow no less. She just makes a comment about the rough air and moves on.
And now she wants to take up motorcycling with me.
She is usually up for whatever adventure I come up with. I am pretty safety conscious and analyze all of the variables. She also knows that I am prepared to say “we ain’t gonna do that “
 
Kevin Eggert said:
I was wondering if anyone might have some tips for getting my wife to enjoy flying or, at very least, not hate it.
Click to expand...

How is she on commercial flights? If she's not good there either I think you're out of luck.

Good weather and a short flight, you had the right conditions for a first flight.

My wife was a bit concerned at first. She's a little motion sensitive, can't read in the car, and has gotten sick on a comercial flight, but not in the 26 years I've known her.

Now she loves it. We get there quicker than driving, she can read in the plane and we can take more with us than going commercial; wine, bourbon, food, and even a couple of big paintings for our middle daughter.

But she didn't hate it to start with. She was just concerned about how she would do with her light motion sensitivity.



Wayne
 
My wife recently decided she wanted to learn, hired a flight instructor, and has been leaving ‘our’ plane with half empty tanks every week. She’s a bit miffed right now as the plane is down for a spongy brake, mentioned a possible solution would be having her own plane
She does look forward to flying with me, going places.
Horses. Another black hole for money, by far more expensive than flying, ask me how I know.
Babysitters, $$$$$
 
My wife doesn't mind flying with me, as long as we're going somewhere, (visit family out of state, fly-ins, and camping under the wing). But just to go for a short hop, or $100 burger, no.
 
My wife absolutly despises flying even though we fly for one reason only. She takes xanax and valium when we fly. It was a full dose of each when we first started flying. Now she is down to a half a dose of one or the other.

It's perfect for her - she takes it just before we climb aboard and sleeps/dozes until we land. That's the only way she will get in a plane.
 
My wife has always enjoyed flying with me. I was in a flying club with a 172 that I took her flying for the first time in. She loved it. She didn't enjoy it that much when it was bumpy, but not bad enough that she wouldn't fly. She was in full support of me partnering on an airplane. She was a bit apprehensive when we went with a Bonanza, but the first time I took her flying in it, she said at about 500 AGL on takeoff that this was the best purchase we have ever made. Since the airplane rides in turbulence so much better than the 172, she isn't bothered by turbulence at all. Heck, sometimes it bothers me more than it does her. Barring any China Flu induced shutdowns, we're taking it on a 9 day flying vacation next month. This will be the first long trip for the both of us in the airplane, and I think she is more excited than I am. I feel bad for people that have a partner that doesn't enjoy flying with them.
 
I have the opposite problem I have a hard time going flying without her. She sat in the back during some of my initial lessons. Was my first passenger the same day I took my PPL flight test. If I go without her she gets grumpy. Sometimes it is nice just to go by yourself and not have another person to wait on or work around.
 
DFH65 said:
I have the opposite problem I have a hard time going flying without her. She sat in the back during some of my initial lessons. Was my first passenger the same day I took my PPL flight test. If I go without her she gets grumpy. Sometimes it is nice just to go by yourself and not have another person to wait on or work around.
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For a long time my wife had no interest unless we were going somewhere for a purpose. Suddenly she became very interested and now wants to go every time I do. I had to ask for a solo flight last week so I could get out by myself. I like that she wants to go, but I do like an occasional solo flight.

During her "no interest" phase, I never pressured her, but tried to make it as palatable as possible, but it didn't seem like any suggestion helped; when they don't want to go, they don't want to go.
 
MuseChaser said:
My wife likes to fly with me much more than she used to, snd I'm pretty sure it's because I started involving her more IN the flights, treating her more like a helper than a passenger. I put the EFB I use (currently iFlyGPS, but you could put FltPlanGo or Avare on for free) on her tablet, showed her how to look up frequencies, airport info, weather via adsb-in, etc., and basic chart reading. She spends the entire flights finding map details on the ground, confirming frequencies for me, etc. Also, I have her read preflight and other checklists for me.... although I of course confirm everything personally. She's still scared to death of the yoke and rudder pedals and has less than zero interest in learning to fly at all, but she likes being involved in the other aspects.

A word of advice.....do NOT enable adsb traffic on her tablet. I made that mistake, thinking my wife would enjoy trying to find the other planes. Nope. She was convinced we were going to crash into every plane on the display...didn't grasp the concept that an inch was about 15 nm away, and there was 30,000 feet of altitude between us most times.
Click to expand...

Exactly what I was going to suggest including not enabling traffic on her iPad - I learned too late her lack of spatial awareness. Also had to tell her to NOT give me traffic calls in the clouds. I'm busy and that's ATC's job! :D
 
wow... never thought will see fearful just before the word wife

i thought the right combination is - fearful husband :biggrin:

dont have a wife, but do have a "friend" who does not enjoy this adventure.. i wish she did
 
My wife has no desire to fly with me at all. Zero. She is claustrophobic, sensitive to motion and visual stimulation (she gets nauseated watching Movies in theaters sometimes), does not like giving up control, has no concept of how mechanical things work, and has visions of us being a smoking hole in the ground and thus orphaning our 4 adult children. Not to mention she knows who built and is flying the plane, that being me. She is extremely reluctant to fly commercial and insists on direct flights to minimize the number of take offs and landings.

You guys that have wives who fly with you are extremely fortunate. It would be so awesome to fly to door county or Mackinac Island for lunch, Or fly 3 hrs to STL to visit one of our daughters instead of driving 8 1/2hrs, but, alas....:(
 
My wife doesn’t mind flying with me, especially if we are going somewhere, she has zero interest in flying “because we can”.
I talked her into a night flight a month or so ago, got 3 “oh Jesus” in 1 lap around the pattern. Don’t think she’s gonna be down for that again...
 
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