Things not to say to the boss

[docmirror]

Yeah, I got that from a boss once. He said that despite me wanting his job, we were going to operate like employee, employer and I didn't get any special consideration. I was nice about it, but advised him that I had his job two managers ago, and he can check personnel records if he wants, but I left and went back into engineering because it was far more interesting and the pay was better. He lasted a few months then another green face showed up. They all run together after a while.

"Meet the new boss,
Same as the old boss,"

 

[Jay Honeck]

I've been hiring entry level employees since 1981. As you might imagine, I have dozens of "stupid employee" stories. I will leave you with just the most recent one, which, IMHO, tops them all.

We are currently hiring for a lead desk staff person at our aviation themed hotel. This person runs the hotel when we are out of town. Finding someone who can handle this job is surprisingly hard, since our hotel is run quite differently than most, with a completely different skill set required. (Like, a basic knowledge of aviation history.)

A lady applied who looked great, on paper. She had extensive experience in the hospitality industry, was old enough to (probably) not be a lounge lizard, and lived nearby. We were excited by her application, because good applicants are rare when you live on an island.

On the morning of her interview, it was raining. Rain is fairly rare here, but it happens. The phone rang, and it was our star applicant, asking that her interview be postponed because her only vehicle was a golf cart, and it was, you know, raining.

I burst out laughing. Mary was incredulous. I point-blank asked the lady how she expected to be hired for a key position if she couldn't go out in the rain?

She had no answer.

People wonder why the unemployment rate is so high. Most experienced employers I know wonder why it's so low.

 

[docmirror]

On the morning of her interview, it was raining. Rain is fairly rare here, but it happens. The phone rang, and it was our star applicant, asking that her interview be postponed because her only vehicle was a golf cart, and it was, you know, raining.

I burst out laughing. Mary was incredulous. I point-blank asked the lady how she expected to be hired for a key position if she couldn't go out in the rain?

She had no answer.

Pure comedy gold.

I was hiring for a network tech position a few years ago and I asked a guy to explain a MAC (Media Access Control, it's a dedicated device address of a networked computer). So, he says they are basically all the same, but he's more experienced with the Peterbilts. I said 'come again'? And he seriously started explaining the various parts of a Mack truck. I must have had that jaw drop look on my face, after a second he stopped and it looked like the air just went out of him. He knew he blew it, but his resume was chock full of network experience. Guess he just copied stuff out of a Monster resume builder.

 

[kmead]

I was hired here to work on King airs and Citations. You'll need to pay me more to work on recip aircraft.

You may be here to make money for the company but I'm only here to have fun.

You and your wife bought an airplane, you can afford to pay us more.

I've heard it all. No wonder I got to where I hated my employees.

Familiarity breeds contempt. After that rant I miss them even less.

 

[James_Dean]

Once caught a line supervisor having a little hanky panky with one of her direct reports. In her car. In our parking lot. In front of her manager's office window. In January.

"But I was on my break"
"My car is my personal space!"

Facepalm.

 

[Stingray Don]

We recently had an applicant come to the job interview with his mother. This was a recent college grad. Mom wanted to sit in on the interview to make sure she got her money's worth from the college tuition.

 

[Jaybird180]

We recently had an applicant come to the job interview with his mother. This was a recent college grad. Mom wanted to sit in on the interview to make sure she got her money's worth from the college tuition.

Too bad she couldn't ask for a refund.

 

[vkhosid]

Too bad she couldn't ask for a refund.

Are her parents thinking the same thing regarding HER education from the School of Life?

 

[Henning]

I grew up working at a car lot with a service shop. It was routine not only to have cussing screaming fights, but also rock and wrench throwing. End of the day was always, "swing by the house for a beer."

 

[Fredbob711]

We recently had an applicant come to the job interview with his mother. This was a recent college grad. Mom wanted to sit in on the interview to make sure she got her money's worth from the college tuition.

I've read a couple articles on this and apparently it's not a particularly rare thing to have happen. Yay for helicopter parents!

 

[DJTorrente]

I unintentionally insulted a very young-looking Wal-Mart supervisor that way.

I don't think its necessarily rude to make a judgment about someone's age. Since moving to NJ 3 years ago (actually, Morris County, eman -- Rod's is very nice), I learned the local supermarkets carry all kinds of alcohol (a change from NY, where supermarkets carried beer and malt bevs under a certain %; wine and liquor had to be sold by a liquor store). The thing is most of the cashiers are 16-17 year olds; and you have to be at least 18 to sell alcohol. Invariably they have to call over a supervisor who turns their key in the register to verify they are there to 'make the sale'.

So if I'm waiting in line and have something a minor can't 'sell', I ask the cashier their age (unless it is obvious), so if necessary they can call their supervisor over rather than hold up the line when they get to scanning my bottle. I don't think I'm insulting anyone. If anything, the state is.

 

[DJTorrente]

Ross Perot reached his quota usually in January of the year. One must remember what he sold and the years he sold it. Hard work for sure but timing is vitally important.

You think Ross Perot got what he has because he was lucky. Explains a lot, actually.

 

[JB1842]

I've read a couple articles on this and apparently it's not a particularly rare thing to have happen. Yay for helicopter parents!

Yep. We had an applicant do that a few years ago. She didn't get the job.

 

[Zeldman]

Other side of the story. I was due a check ride, (6 month pt 135) and there was a new Director of operations. He was hired because he was part of the "elite" of the company, meaning he was hired for who he knew, not what he knew. He thought he was an expert and sat in for the oral part of the check ride. He suddenly jumped in and asked me what the wingspan is on the plane I fly.

Of course I looked at him and asked, "Why do you want to know that, are you building a box to ship the plane in?" (old, I know but it was the right thing to say at the time)

I was fired a few days later by this "special D.O.". He determined I was not a company pilot and I quote, "... we are terminating you because we need to protect our own." With witnesses.

That cost the company, plus I made sure it was all over the news. The D. O. was moved to another area out of state.

 

[Henning]

Other side of the story. I was due a check ride, (6 month pt 135) and there was a new Director of operations. He was hired because he was part of the "elite" of the company, meaning he was hired for who he knew, not what he knew. He thought he was an expert and sat in for the oral part of the check ride. He suddenly jumped in and asked me what the wingspan is on the plane I fly.

Of course I looked at him and asked, "Why do you want to know that, are you building a box to ship the plane in?" (old, I know but it was the right thing to say at the time)

I was fired a few days later by this "special D.O.". He determined I was not a company pilot and I quote, "... we are terminating you because we need to protect our own." With witnesses.

That cost the company, plus I made sure it was all over the news. The D. O. was moved to another area out of state.

I was told once on termination that I wasn't a team player. Didn't have the heart to tell him he was playing for a losing team.

 

[Jay Honeck]

I was told once on termination that I wasn't a team player. Didn't have the heart to tell him he was playing for a losing team.

Sounds like the entire newspaper industry. Those who were terminated early were the lucky ones. Those who held on to the bitter end went through a Hunger Games-type bloodletting that warped many for life.

I was lucky to get out in 2002, the year we bought our first hotel. Of all the people I knew in newspapers, only one is still in the biz.

 

[docmirror]

On my exit interview with a high tech company after being downsized they asked me if I had any comment. I said; 'whew, finally. Sun keeps asking me for my start date, and you guys have dragged this out for weeks'. Sun was a direct competitor of the high tech company. Not surprising, Sun bought out my old company a few years later, and I had the satisfaction of seeing the guy who laid me off get booted in the mix. Actually, I should have been laid off months before it happened, I just hung on for the exit package which was pretty good. The wife and I went to Hawaii for a few weeks before starting at Sun.

 

[Jay Honeck]

Not surprising, Sun bought out my old company a few years later, and I had the satisfaction of seeing the guy who laid me off get booted in the mix.

Revenge like that is oh, so sweet.

I've had the pleasure of seeing the three biggest a-holes I had the misfortune of working for end up unemployed.

Schadenfreude is real.

 

[Caramon13]

Not "exactly" on topic, but speaking of revenge..

One boss I had I completely disagreed with. She was a real *** kisser, didn't know squat about being a manager or director yet that's what she was. We had it out a few times.

On my review one year I ended up with I think a $50 raise, which was like..a joke. She just sat there with a smug grin on her face.

Whelp, few months later, I put my notice in as I wasn't gonna get anywhere in that company with her there. No joke, she had a stroke (like, literally). Out for good, had to leave the company. I stayed but only after they gave me basically a 20% raise to not go anywhere. I quit a few years later.

Karma's a killer people..

 

[Skip Miller]

Jerry DellaFemina is a well known figure in Madison Avenue advertising circles, a business where characters are plentiful and job hopping seems to be a way of life.

Jerry started with a new company. Before noon of his first day, he received a better offer from a different employer. Jerry marched in to the Personnel office (they weren't called Human Resources for years after this incident) and asked the Director if he had any accrued vacation time....

 

[Henning]

Sounds like the entire newspaper industry. Those who were terminated early were the lucky ones. Those who held on to the bitter end went through a Hunger Games-type bloodletting that warped many for life.

I was lucky to get out in 2002, the year we bought our first hotel. Of all the people I knew in newspapers, only one is still in the biz.

When I was sailing on the cheap getting in my sea time for my first license, then when I lived on Catalina, I ran the local newspaper dark room. In San Diego I even had it in my kitchen. I'd do their film processing, printing, and half toning, in exchange I used their equipment to print the head shots and comp sheets I was selling.

 

[silver-eagle]

Jerry DellaFemina is a well known figure in Madison Avenue advertising circles, a business where characters are plentiful and job hopping seems to be a way of life.

Jerry started with a new company. Before noon of his first day, he received a better offer from a different employer. Jerry marched in to the Personnel office (they weren't called Human Resources for years after this incident) and asked the Director if he had any accrued vacation time....

New guy, first day on the job, called benefits to find out how long he needed to work to collect short term disability. Hehad an elective operation that would keep him out for a month and wanted to get it scheduled.
He didn't last a year and didn't get the surgery either.

 

[asechrest]

I had an employee a couple years ago who failed his drug test. Cocaine. I called him in and he denied it. Said he wanted a retest. I called the drug test company and they made it clear the quantity was such that this was certainly not a false positive.

When I brought the guy back in to give him the news, he changed his story a bit. He said his girlfriend did cocaine and it might have rubbed off on him when they had sex. I kid you not.

 

[Henning]

I had an employee a couple years ago who failed his drug test. Cocaine. I called him in and he denied it. Said he wanted a retest. I called the drug test company and they made it clear the quantity was such that this was certainly not a false positive.

When I brought the guy back in to give him the news, he changed his story a bit. He said his girlfriend did cocaine and it might have rubbed off on him when they had sex. I kid you not.

Is this a DOT/Govt pee test, or internal company policy? I used to have to do **** Nazi collections on the boats and went through the training and there were rules about retest and and even rehab requirements that made first bust termination pretty difficult.

 

[cowman]

I think it would be fun to go to a few interviews and be honest just for the laughs.

"Why do you want to work here?"
I want to exchange my time for money and you said you were hiring.

"What are your greatest weaknesses?"
I hate getting up early and have a low tolerance for bureaucratic nonsense.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years."
Making so much money I'm flying around in my own private jet having so much sex I have to eat and drink gratuitous amounts just to keep up the calories.

"Why should we hire you?"
I know how to do this job, I will show up, and I'm not a jerk.

"Is there anything you want to ask about our company?"
Yeah, how much are you going to pay me, how much bull**** will I have to put up with, and can I expect to be home in time for dinner most nights.

 

[Zeldman]

I think it would be fun to go to a few interviews and be honest just for the laughs.

"Why do you want to work here?"
I want to exchange my time for money and you said you were hiring.

"What are your greatest weaknesses?"
I hate getting up early and have a low tolerance for bureaucratic nonsense.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years."
Making so much money I'm flying around in my own private jet having so much sex I have to eat and drink gratuitous amounts just to keep up the calories.

"Why should we hire you?"
I know how to do this job, I will show up, and I'm not a jerk.

"Is there anything you want to ask about our company?"
Yeah, how much are you going to pay me, how much bull**** will I have to put up with, and can I expect to be home in time for dinner most nights.

I was asked on an interview once what I expected for a salary.

I replied, 10 million a year plus personal use of the company jet.

They never called me back.....

 

[Henning]

I think it would be fun to go to a few interviews and be honest just for the laughs.

"Why do you want to work here?"
I want to exchange my time for money and you said you were hiring.

"What are your greatest weaknesses?"
I hate getting up early and have a low tolerance for bureaucratic nonsense.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years."
Making so much money I'm flying around in my own private jet having so much sex I have to eat and drink gratuitous amounts just to keep up the calories.

"Why should we hire you?"
I know how to do this job, I will show up, and I'm not a jerk.

"Is there anything you want to ask about our company?"
Yeah, how much are you going to pay me, how much bull**** will I have to put up with, and can I expect to be home in time for dinner most nights.

I always am, there have been occasions I was surprised to get hired.

 

[Tom-D]

I hate it when my thoughts fall out of my mouth. Once my division officer in AIMD (when I was a Civil servant here at Whidbey) and I were talking, when a young female enlisted first class walked up and interrupted by asking the DO why she was recommended for Chief.

And it just fell out,, "because you have a nice ass"

 

[asechrest]

Sounds like the entire newspaper industry. Those who were terminated early were the lucky ones. Those who held on to the bitter end went through a Hunger Games-type bloodletting that warped many for life.

I was lucky to get out in 2002, the year we bought our first hotel. Of all the people I knew in newspapers, only one is still in the biz.

My mom is out after 30 years in management and on the editorial board at the same paper. She left after the CEO sent a letter to every employee that said, literally, they should question their place in the organization. They were hemorrhaging cash, and the oldest, most experienced, most highly paid individuals in the company. It was, and still is as I understand it, an absolute hell.

 

[Jay Honeck]

My mom is out after 30 years in management and on the editorial board at the same paper. She left after the CEO sent a letter to every employee that said, literally, they should question their place in the organization. They were hemorrhaging cash, and the oldest, most experienced, most highly paid individuals in the company. It was, and still is as I understand it, an absolute hell.

The newspaper I started in, way back in the 1970s, used to have 44,000 customers and 290 employees.

Last I heard, they were down to 12,000 customers (right!), and 39 employees. I can't check anymore, because my last friend there was fired last year.

Their 3-story home office is 80% empty. The same thing has happened everywhere.

The demise of newspapers is really quite sad, and has, IMHO, contributed greatly to the political polarization of our country.

 

[kyleb]

The demise of newspapers is really quite sad, and has, IMHO, contributed greatly to the political polarization of our country.

I loved the local paper all the way until they let go many of their writers, cut the content by a factor of three, raised the price, and stopped offering any hard news.

But I don't understand how any of that was polarizing. Can you 'splain?

 

[Jay Honeck]

I loved the local paper all the way until they let go many of their writers, cut the content by a factor of three, raised the price, and stopped offering any hard news.

But I don't understand how any of that was polarizing. Can you 'splain?

You're describing the aftermath. They had to do that because too few loved them anymore.

How did the demise of newspapers contribute to the polarization of America? Well, once upon a time we all read the same version of events. It was called "the News", and it was vetted by educated people known as "editors", so that B.S. like the Kardashians, and other lies, didn't slip through into our collective consciousness.

We were all free to make our judgements from there, but "the news" was a universal thing that happened every day, and it enabled us to discuss things on a constant, level (and logical) playing field.

With the demise of newspapers, which we all once read, this universal conversational starting point has been lost. We no longer have a consistent point of reference from which to start a discussion of world events, since YOUR version of "the news" may be (and often is) radically different from mine.

Or, it may be the same events, but reported TOTALLY differently.

Thus, not only can we not count on knowing the same things before starting a political debate, we can't even count on knowing the same version of the same stories as those "known" by the person we wish to engage in debate.

Our compass, the newspaper, has been lost -- for better or worse.

 

[Sam D]

I used to interview on campus quite a bit. A standard question was "tell me about a time you had to make a difficult decision and how did you go about it"

One young lady chose to tell me about how she decided to have pre-marital sex with her boyfriend.

 

[Old Geek]

Had an applicant tell me he quit his previous job because management was incompetent. Needless to say I passed on him.

Yeah. And that's why I started my own business 20 years ago. And ultimately why I was able to buy a brand new airplane.

 

[denverpilot]

Pure comedy gold.



I was hiring for a network tech position a few years ago and I asked a guy to explain a MAC (Media Access Control, it's a dedicated device address of a networked computer). So, he says they are basically all the same, but he's more experienced with the Peterbilts. I said 'come again'? And he seriously started explaining the various parts of a Mack truck. I must have had that jaw drop look on my face, after a second he stopped and it looked like the air just went out of him. He knew he blew it, but his resume was chock full of network experience. Guess he just copied stuff out of a Monster resume builder.

Oh lord I LOL'd. That's awesome. I may even have to borrow that one for a joke later. Haha.

I grew up working at a car lot with a service shop. It was routine not only to have cussing screaming fights, but also rock and wrench throwing. End of the day was always, "swing by the house for a beer."

Had a couple of jobs like that. They're always fun.

I was told once on termination that I wasn't a team player. Didn't have the heart to tell him he was playing for a losing team.

BTDT. Ha.

The wife and I went to Hawaii for a few weeks before starting at Sun.

I miss the old Sun. Good gear, good OS, good people by and large. Oracle can suck my left nut, if they can find it.

Is this a DOT/Govt pee test, or internal company policy? I used to have to do **** Nazi collections on the boats and went through the training and there were rules about retest and and even rehab requirements that made first bust termination pretty difficult.

DOT now does "dual cup" at the same time stuff as best as I can tell from the never ending stream of our Doctors repeating it to DOT tested folk who failed. If they don't like the outcome of test #1 they can pay for a retest of sample #2 within 72 hours.

I was asked on an interview once what I expected for a salary.

I replied, 10 million a year plus personal use of the company jet.

They never called me back.....

I've actually said similar to that with a smile, and then added "You're never supposed to go first in a negotiation but it burns you if the other guy knows how to play. Now you have to work down from my number." And add a big grin...

Helps to see right away if they have any sense of humor. If they don't, you know to negotiate for at least 20% higher than you thought the job was worth, and not accept anything less than 10%, because they will absolutely suck to work for.

 

[docmirror]

When I was hired for my current 'job'(it's not really a job in the traditional sense), the hiring manager called me late Nov and although I'd never heard from her, or from the company she chatted a bit and asked me what start date I wanted. I said; 'well, I'm skiing right now, but I could be there on Monday if you like'. She asked how my tech interviews went, and I told her this is the first time I've heard from anyone there. She paused a second and said 'someone fell down on the job'. I said 'I'm not complaining, I can take care of what you need, so get back to me with a start date'. She asked me about pay, and I told her 'whatever you think is fair is fine with me'. I got a pause and then 'uhhhh, we should talk more about that'. I said I was getting off the lift, and I'd love to if she would call me tonight. Next time we spoke she said she had never heard anyone tell her that whatever pay they thought was right would be ok. I'm pretty sure that secured the deal right there, and we've both been happy since.

 

[Henning]

I was asked on an interview once what I expected for a salary.

I replied, 10 million a year plus personal use of the company jet.

They never called me back.....

I always do the same thing, "What do want for pay?" "A million dollars a year and benefits is what I want, the real question is will I work for what you want to pay. Tell me that and we'll find out."

 

[txflyer]

Kid complained to the construction foreman his back hurt.

Reply: "you ain't old enough to have a back yet!"

I wish I had a dollar every time this same boss said "if you don't like it, quit!"

 

[Bob Noel]

So anyone else have dumb employees or coworker stories?

A different kind of dumb thing to say:

"I don't have enough to do"

Boy-o-boy did my group leader fix that!

 

[Henning]

Kid complained to the construction foreman his back hurt.

Reply: "you ain't old enough to have a back yet!"

I wish I had a dollar every time this same boss said "if you don't like it, quit!"

I've been physically restrained and dragged back from my car to the shop, "you can't quit, now get this thing fixed."