Fail.
Try this way.
Insult With Class
>
There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great
portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!
>
> The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
> husband, I'd put poison in your tea," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd
> drink it.""
>
Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you will
either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir,"said Disraeli,"On whether I embrace your policies or your
mistress".
>
> "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston
> Churchill
>
> "He is a modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
> Churchill
>
> "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
> pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
>
> "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
> dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
>
> "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -
> Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
>
> "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
> it." - Moses Hadas
> "He can compress most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -
> Abraham Lincoln
>
> "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
> it." - Mark Twain
>
> "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
>
>
> "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
> friend....if you have one."
> - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
>
> "Cannot possibly attend first night but I will be able to attend the second
> night...... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response
>
> "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
> Stephen Bishop
>
> "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
>
> "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -
> Irvin S. Cobb
>
> "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -
> Samuel Johnson
>
> " He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
>
> "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure" - Jack
> E.Leonard
>
> "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
> "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
> knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
>
> "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
> Charles, Count Talleyrand
>
> "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
>
> "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -
> Mark Twain
>
> "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West
>
> "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar
> Wilde
>
> "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather
> than illumination." - Andrew
> Lang (1844-1912)
>
> "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
>
> "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
John
