So how do you define a friend?

[Sac Arrow]

I've been mulling over this one for quite some time. Particularly in the day and age of online presence, it begs the question of what defines a friend and what does not. In any case, the lines tend to blur.*

The POA community is a perfect setting for such a debate. There are people I have seen on a daily basis for years at the gym, and some of them, I even know them by name. I don't really consider them 'friends' per se. I don't see them outside of the gym setting, and we don't hang out the whole time there. Same with coworkers, except that there are some coworkers (original founders) that are actually more like family than friends.

What about the drinking buddies? I generally don't see them outside the bar, yet I consider them to be friends. Well, because, we hang out and drink together. Some of them anyway. After a few drinks, all of them.

What about POA members? I actually know a few POA members, and have met up with a few of them on local POA fly ins. A couple I consider friends. For the most part the rest acquaintances.

What about online POA members we have never met. Well, there is @eman1200 but technically he more falls in to the 'family' category. Don't know. Good question. I think I do consider some friends. Maybe it boils down to, if someone would be willing to go out of their way personally to help out a member they have never met, I could consider them to be a friend, and I put myself in that category as well.

What say you?

*especially after about 7:00 p.m. on any given weekday, and roughly 1:00 p.m. on weekends and holidays. Then, the lines wobble as well.

 

[Radar Contact]

Need to drop my plane off within an hour of my home airport and they agree to fly me back. That’s a friend.

 

[SoonerAviator]

I have several people I consider "friends" but don't necessarily hang out with outside of the situation I know them from. Several guys/gals I've been playing soccer or baseball with for over a decade. Some of us will get together for a dinner or help lend a hand once in a while, but we don't regularly hang out. However, if they called me up wanting to hang out, I would (and vice versa). I do have a lot of acquaintances that I don't remotely consider to be friends, though.

 

[Salty]

None of the above

 

[eman1200]

Need to drop my plane off within an hour of my home airport and they agree to fly me back. That’s a friend.

interesting, as I've done that for several people in the aviation community and I def don't consider them true friends. to me it's a small community that I offer to help out where I can, even if I don't really know the person. oh wait, are you saying you need a ride somewhere?

but I think the definition of friend changes as u get older. I have "golfing buddies", "flying buddies", "drinking buddies".....but are we gonna invite each other over for t-giving dinner? probably not. I'm a man, I don't call up a buddy and just chat on the phone for no reason. heck I haven't even spoken to my brother on the phone since, I dunno, long freakin time. maybe b-days we call each other.

when I was younger, my friends were "the gang"....always spending time with each other, getting into trouble together, getting into more trouble together.... nowadays, we've all gone our separate ways. will get a rare facebook comment from them and vice versa.

as for poa folks, the banter is a blast, but I enjoy it when we actually meet up, like at rough river. that's a good time spent with folks I basically see once a year. and to me, that's when a person changes from @PoA-Screenname to real person.

there's some silly slogan/meme I saw somewhere that said something like "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"...or some girly sht like that. maybe a friend is someone who knows u effed up but doesn't really care or hold it against you. not that I eff up or anything, I'm just saying....

I think most importantly, a friend is someone who flies a pilatus and lives roughly 199.6nm due southwest from you and comes to pick you up and fly you to a hockey game because he knows u really wanna fly in a pilatus. now that's a true friend.

 

[kmacht]

A friend is defined not by what they can/will do with or for you but as someone who you would be willing to do something for. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. I consider friends people who I would drop what I am doing and go help with what whatever they needed if they asked. My reason for helping them may be varied but to me I judge how good a friend is by how willing I am to do things for them without any expectation of something in return.

 

[Morgan3820]

One of the criteria but perhaps not the only is the willingness to share meals at one another’s residence. Or more simply somebody who is willing to make time for me and I’m willing to make time for them just because I enjoy their company.

 

[Radar Contact]

interesting, as I've done that for several people in the aviation community and I def don't consider them true friends. to me it's a small community that I offer to help out where I can, even if I don't really know the person. oh wait, are you saying you need a ride somewhere?

I was just joking. I’ve done that for others in the aviation community. Helk, I did that for @NealRomeoGolf before I had ever met him.

I agree about whatever I define that as, changed as I got older. I have very few true friends.

Maybe it’s, would help you hide a body.

 

[Zeldman]

 

[Zeldman]

Way out in the bush, middle of winter, and while using the outhouse with the wood seat that gives you splinters. Now that is when you find out who your friends really are.

 

[Doc Holliday]

 

[Shepherd]

Social Media, can be just a modern method of being pen pals. Remember pen pals?
When I was in elementary school, I wrote to someone in Australia. We exchanged letters for years.
We met once, in 1971, while I was on leave in Sydney, and have stayed in touch ever since, now we use Facebook and email instead of stamps and ink.
I'm still in touch weekly with about a dozen people who were in the Civil Air Patrol with me back in the mid to late 1960s. I go see them or they come see me when we travel in their area.
My best friend and I met in high school, and talk on the phone every week, even though we haven't lived in the same state in 25 years. We visit back and forth every other year.
In all those cases, when we meet in person it's like we just saw each other the day before. The only thing that changes are our wrinkles, but not our feelings.

 

[Dave Theisen]

@eman1200 , there’s a big difference between FLYING a Pilatus and OWNING a Pilatus.

We still friends?

 

[Matthew]

I'm one of those people with lots of "buddies", but few "friends".

 

[eman1200]

@eman1200 , there’s a big difference between FLYING a Pilatus and OWNING a Pilatus.

We still friends?

I’ll bet u SkyKing would disagree.

 

[NoHeat]

@Zeldman, yes, that outhouse story is very close to the definition of a true friend, told to me by a doctor when I remarked upon the inconvenience of toileting with one broken arm:

You find out who’s your true friend when you’ve broken both of your arms.

 

[Half Fast]

I'm one of those people with lots of "buddies", but few "friends".

You call a buddy when you need help moving.
You call a friend when you need help moving a body.

 

[NealRomeoGolf]

I was just joking. I’ve done that for others in the aviation community. Helk, I did that for @NealRomeoGolf before I had ever met him.

I agree about whatever I define that as, changed as I got older. I have very few true friends.

Maybe it’s, would help you hide a body.

And I'm forever grateful. Let me know when I can return the favor.

Btw, I consider @Radar Contact a friend whether he likes it or not because I need cooler friends.

 

[Doug Reid]

Someone who sticks by you without being judgmental....in other words, both my dogs.

 

[RyanShort1]

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

Someone you believe is there for you without ulterior motive, out of the love in their heart.

 

[danhagan]

Quite a topic. I consider pretty much all of you regular posters here "friends" ... although I haven't met many of you in person, I know a lot about you, watch a lot of your channels and if something terrible happened, I would be greatly saddened and remind myself of the opportunity lost not getting to meet you. I need to reduce work, travel more and get out and meet more of you ...

 

[Tarheelpilot]

Anyone that knows your wife and your girlfriend.

 

[EdFred]

Anyone that knows your wife and your girlfriend.

I guess I have no friends.

 

[eman1200]

I guess I have no friends.

We could have told u that I KID, I KID. you really are a good friend….
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for me to poop on

 

[Tarheelpilot]

I guess I have no friends.

Lol. I don’t either…

 

[Rushie]

None of the options really fit my definition. The first would be the closest but it needs to be more than just someone you hang out with. There needs to be a level of psychological intimacy, sharing knowledge of each other, and mutual trust.

Being willing to go out of your way to help them is a requirement, physically but also emotionally, like being there to listen to a problem. That can happen with online friends or what used to be called pen pals as Shepherd pointed out. So it doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you’ve met in real life, but it would need to be a long term connection. You can open up and share intimate secrets with the stranger sitting next to you on a commercial flight, but I would never call that a friend.

A friend would be a stable presence in your life, whether in person or through some medium like letters, phone calls or online. Sharing knowledge of yourself with another makes you vulnerable to them, and that’s where trust comes in, and why the stranger on the plane isn’t a friend. You’re never going to see them again so no trust is needed. You might have felt some strong connection, you might even call it a speck of cosmic love, but it’s not a friendship.

A friend is someone who’s there for you across time. Who knows you intimately so when you bring them a problem they already have all the background info and are already invested in wanting to help you solve it, and when they have a problem you feel a strong drive to help them because when bad things happen to them it causes you grief.

But friends aren’t just for bad times, they’re also fun, pleasurable to be around, to do things with or just talk about whatever’s on your mind.

 

[X3 Skier]

Still friends with the guys I went to grade school and high school with. We all get together at least once a year for a golf outing and cards afterwards back “home” from wherever we live now. Been in a few of each other’s wedding parties and for certain at the wild reception for each one that got married.

A few more over the years from 25 years of winters in Steamboat Springs. And the screwballs at POA RR events. A few more from 32 years of work in the USAF.

After my wife died, the best friend I ever had, a couple of ladies I’ve met since then including one who I now consider my BFF.

Everybody else would be an acquaintance. The real tally will be who shows up when I “go west”.

Cheers

 

[DesertNomad]

Someone who will pick me up at an airport 200 miles away.

 

[Everskyward]

Anyone that knows your wife and your girlfriend.

That could be your charter pilot...

 

[Ted]

That could be your charter pilot...

What does that classify Epstein’s former pilot as?

(I looked for a good “Epstein didn’t kill himself” meme to go with this, but I couldn’t find one that seemed fitting)

 

[RyanB]

I've been mulling over this one for quite some time. Particularly in the day and age of online presence, it begs the question of what defines a friend and what does not.

You’re my friend..

<insert creepy smile here>

 

[Captain Sweet T]

I don't know if this is the definition of a friend, but I know my good friends and I may not see each other or talk for a long time but once we get together it's like we were never apart.

 

[RyanB]

I don't know if this is the definition of a friend, but I know my good friends and I may not see each other or talk for a long time but once we get together it's like we were never apart.

Yeah same here. Don’t have to talk to them on a daily basis for sure, but when you do, it’s as though you never skipped a beat. Truthfully, I’ve met some of the people I talk with the most, right here on POA, and consider them friends, even though I don’t see them every day. The funny thing is, when you meet POA’ers for the first time in person, it’s like you’ve known them for years and I find that very genuine.

 

[A Martin]

When everything goes wrong , you made a few mistakes , lots of people mockingly pointing fingers at you , your popularity has dropped to zero , and life has you up against a brick wall .......

..... out of the crowd will come a couple of folks who ask how they can help you ...... at that moment you know who your true friends are.

.

 

[RyanB]

When everything goes wrong , you made a few mistakes , lots of people mockingly pointing fingers at you , your popularity has dropped to zero , and life has you up against a brick wall .......

..... out of the crowd will come a couple of folks who ask how they can help you ...... at that moment you know who your true friends are.

.

Yup! When times get rough, the people who stick by your side are the real ones, not those who only hang with you during the good times.

 

[Ken Whitson]

You: "I need your help."

Acquaintance: "Let me see if it fits my schedule."
So-so Friend: "I'm really concerned about you."
Good Friend: "How much is the bail?"
True Friend: "Where and when? I've got your six."

 

[nauga]

You: "I need your help."

Acquaintance: "Let me see if it fits my schedule."
So-so Friend: "I'm really concerned about you."
Good Friend: "How much is the bail?"
True Friend: "Where and when? I've got your six."

The One True Friend: "I'll hold your beer."

Nauga,
full send

 

[drummer4468]

You: "I need your help."

Acquaintance: "Let me see if it fits my schedule."
So-so Friend: "I'm really concerned about you."
Good Friend: "How much is the bail?"
True Friend: "Where and when? I've got your six."

Reminds me of that scene from "The Town"

"I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can't ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people."
*dramatic pause*
"Whose car we takin'?"

 

[Checkout_my_Six]

someone with a nicer plane than mine.....

 

[Ted]

I find a lot of people overuse the term "friend" to basically mean anyone they have a cordial relationship with. Of course there's something of a sliding scale, but to me there are essentially three levels:

- Acquaintance: Someone who I (at least mostly) have a cordial relationship with, but don't and wouldn't hang out with them outside of the setting in which we know eachother
- Friend: Someone who I would hang out with, invite to my house, things like that. May not always feel like seeing the, may talk more sporadically
- Close friend: Someone who is always welcome at my house and vice versa, knows a lot of personal history, always there for me and vice versa. At this point in life, my close friends are all people I've known for at least 10 years. People in the "friend" category may get promoted to "close friend" over time. As the saying goes, you can't make old friends.