Size matters

Pilawt

Pilawt

Final Approach
Gone West
Joined
Sep 19, 2005
Messages
9,486
Location
Santa Rosita State Park, under the big 'W'
Display Name
Display name:
Pilawt
This dispatch is being filed from an eating establishment in a far corner of the universe. Its location is marked by a curious, curved glowing yellow object supported by a tall, thin, possibly metallic, cylinder rising high above the desert. The local inhabitants refer to this object as "Golden Arches". This marker, and the adjacent building, appear to have been constructed by some intelligent life form ... but heaven knows there's none working there now.

In order to procure food here, I discovered that one must endure a strange ritual. It's probably very ancient, though the priestess (also known as "counter person") seemed quite young.

The ritual went something like this:

Me: I'd like a Number Six breakfast meal.
Priestess (aka "Counter Person"): What size?
Me: Small.
CP: Sorry, we don't have small.
Me: ... W-what do you have?
CP: We have medium and large.
Me: I want the smaller one.
CP: So you want the medium?
Me: I want the smallest one you got.
CP: Medium it is.​

As if in demonstration of the supernatural nature of this encounter, the bacon-egg-cheese McGriddle I ordered had somehow been transmogrified into a sausage McGriddle by the time the priestess delivered it to me.
 
By definition, in order to have a medium don't they have to have small and large?
 
I had this exact conversation recently with the pizza guy.
 
All of their products have gone on a diet within the past 10-15 years. The Big Mac is now a Mini Mac and the Fillet O Fish is now about 1 bite, but the prices aren't congruent to size. Pay more and get less. o_O
 
Years ago, in St Louis at a Blues hockey game back when they were still in the Checker Dome, I went to get some beers for my wife, her friend, and myself. They guy in line in front of me was having a hard time buying 2, they would only sell 2 if you were 26 yo. I was on the far side of 26, even back then.

I got to the the front of the line and said, "3 beers. 1 large, 2 small."
"Sorry, sir, I can't sell you 3 beers. 2 is the limit."
"OK then. Give me 2 large beers and an empty cup."
"Yes sir!"

Not the server's fault, beer sales rules can get people fired.
 
When Carl's Jr. first introduced their half pound hamburger, they called it the "Six Dollar Burger" citing that for $3.99 you could get the equivalent of a $6 burger from a table service restaurant. They quit calling it a Six Dollar Burger three or four years ago because, well, it's upwards of six dollars now.
 
Timbeck2 said:
By definition, in order to have a medium don't they have to have small and large?
Click to expand...

Some places with only two sizes will have regular and large. That avoids the use of the dreadful small word and eliminates having a medium without a small which I agree is silly.

Walboy said:
Not nearly as bad as a medium sized coffee being "grande" or a small one being "tall."

Besides price, Starbucks' dumb size names is why I don't drink coffee there.
Click to expand...

I don’t drink coffee at all but if I’m near a Starbucks I’ll occasionally drop in and get a green tea frapp. I will order a small or medium. I refuse to use their retarded size names.
 
My wife and I went to the diner at the local airport yesterday.
We were the only two people there, except the waitress, who was busy talking on the phone.
When she finally noticed us, she said sit anywhere.
When she finally got around to us, we both ordered grilled cheese with bacon, on rye.
We each said it, so it got said twice.
She (eventually) brought us grilled cheese with tomato.
My wife didn't care, she started eating hers.
I sent it back and reiterated "grilled cheese and bacon on rye bread."
She brought me grilled cheese with tomato on white bread.
I sent it back.
I wrote in big block letters on a piece of paper "Grilled cheese and bacon on rye bread", and carried it over to the cook.
I handed it to him and asked him to read it back to me.
I finally got my grilled cheese with bacon on rye bread.
It was pretty good. Of course, by then I was starving.
 
Rushie said:
I had this exact conversation recently with the pizza guy.
Click to expand...

I've always found it amusing when I go to order a pizza and ask them how big a certain size is, and they say "Oh, it's 8 slices". No, I mean is it 12 inches, 16 inches, etc? They look at me like I have two heads sticking out of my neck.

The number of slices does NOT tell me how big it is, only how many times somebody ran a pizza cutter over it.
 
LoneAspen said:
I've always found it amusing when I go to order a pizza and ask them how big a certain size is, and they say "Oh, it's 8 slices". No, I mean is it 12 inches, 16 inches, etc? They look at me like I have two heads sticking out of my neck.

The number of slices does NOT tell me how big it is, only how many times somebody ran a pizza cutter over it.
Click to expand...

YES YES that's how it ended up! I'm trying to find out what diameter the pizza is, whatever they call it small, medium, and the guy talks about slices! I'm like what do you not know what size your own pizzas are? Or have you been coached to not mention it to customers for some unfathonable reason. Sheesh!
 
Pizza? It's small, medium, large, or family.

How hard can it be?

Sheesh. All you people with your radius, and pi, and stuff.

--

When we order for delivery, we usually get Papa John's. They have a pretty good app that lets you configure pretty much anything, and the only other option is PIzza Hut. Nobody else delivers.

For something different one night we checked the "square cut" box instead of the "regular".

The label on the side of the box has all the online order info, but it said something like "St Louis Cut" or something. No big deal, all we expected was a pizza that had been cut into squares.

Nope - it was all sorts of random criss-cross patterns. ? I Googled for a few minutes at the dinner table and found other comments about it. One of them said, "It looks like someone cut the pizza while literally having a stroke".
 
Walboy said:
Not nearly as bad as a medium sized coffee being "grande" or a small one being "tall."

Besides price, Starbucks' dumb size names is why I don't drink coffee there.
Click to expand...

It’s a byproduct of its early days when it only had two sizes: an 8 oz short and a 12 oz tall. As it got popular and Americans demanded ever more they dropped the short and added the 16 oz grande and the 20 oz venti (and now the eye popping 30 oz trenta for some drinks).

https://www.businessinsider.com/short-size-at-starbucks-2014-4

That being said, I refuse to use their names as well and try and avoid drinking their over-roasted and bitter coffee.
 
AKiss20 said:
It’s a byproduct of its early days when it only had two sizes: an 8 oz short and a 12 oz tall. As it got popular and Americans demanded ever more they dropped the short and added the 16 oz grande and the 20 oz venti (and now the eye popping 30 oz trenta for some drinks).

https://www.businessinsider.com/short-size-at-starbucks-2014-4

That being said, I refuse to use their names as well and try and avoid drinking their over-roasted and bitter coffee.
Click to expand...

Agree about them who shall not be named but nothing wrong with over-roasting. I'm on the subscription plan for this:

https://www.blackriflecoffee.com/collections/extra-dark-roast/products/murdered-out-coffee-blend

I've found the bitter comes from letting it sit too long before serving, or using old stale pre-ground coffee.
 
Pilawt said:
the bacon-egg-cheese McGriddle I ordered had somehow been transmogrified into a sausage McGriddle by the time the priestess delivered it to me
Click to expand...

I think you were being punished for not being in compliance with her previous conversation requirements!
 
Rushie said:
Agree about them who shall not be named but nothing wrong with over-roasting. I'm on the subscription plan for this:

https://www.blackriflecoffee.com/collections/extra-dark-roast/products/murdered-out-coffee-blend

I've found the bitter comes from letting it sit too long before serving, or using old stale pre-ground coffee.
Click to expand...

No, the bitter taste is from cooking the coffee beans too long before brewing them. It cooks out a lot of the caffeine, too. But if the beans aren't burned, all of the flavored oils, mixins, creams, caramel, chocolate, etc., completely cover up the coffee flavor.

I personally love me some light roast 100% Columbian, brewed strong and black, but it's impossible to find anything less than "Medium-Dark". Since I drink my coffee straight, I want it to taste like coffee, without the burned taste covered by the half-cup of "non coffee" that's not in my cup . . . .
 
Pilawt said:
This dispatch is being filed from an eating establishment in a far corner of the universe. Its location is marked by a curious, curved glowing yellow object supported by a tall, thin, possibly metallic, cylinder rising high above the desert. The local inhabitants refer to this object as "Golden Arches". This marker, and the adjacent building, appear to have been constructed by some intelligent life form ... but heaven knows there's none working there now.

In order to procure food here, I discovered that one must endure a strange ritual. It's probably very ancient, though the priestess (also known as "counter person") seemed quite young.

The ritual went something like this:

Me: I'd like a Number Six breakfast meal.
Priestess (aka "Counter Person"): What size?
Me: Small.
CP: Sorry, we don't have small.
Me: ... W-what do you have?
CP: We have medium and large.
Me: I want the smaller one.
CP: So you want the medium?
Me: I want the smallest one you got.
CP: Medium it is.​

As if in demonstration of the supernatural nature of this encounter, the bacon-egg-cheese McGriddle I ordered had somehow been transmogrified into a sausage McGriddle by the time the priestess delivered it to me.
Click to expand...

Just be happy you were allowed to order directly from the priestess. Too many such places now require each customer to painfully enter their requests through an inefficient touch screen device with a user interface designed by war refugees with bad eyesight, missing limbs and zero familiarity with the language used at the ordering location. I now leave these houses of abuse and seek sustenance elsewhere . . . . I see too many worshippers in front of me who require assistance from the junior preistesses to enter their order, which takes tbree ti es as long as the priestess entering the orders herself.
 
Hank S said:
Just be happy you were allowed to order directly from the priestess. Too many such places now require each customer to painfully enter their requests through an inefficient touch screen device with a user interface designed by war refugees with bad eyesight, missing limbs and zero familiarity with the language used at the ordering location. I now leave these houses of abuse and seek sustenance elsewhere . . . . I see too many worshippers in front of me who require assistance from the junior preistesses to enter their order, which takes tbree ti es as long as the priestess entering the orders herself.
Click to expand...

Order kiosks are awesome. During recent travels, I passed by a "Golden Arches" location with order kiosks. You enter what you want, don't have to explain it to a "counter person" who probably doesn't give a hoot, and in the process eliminate the potential for the order entry being incorrect. This is largely the reason why I prefer mobile order capability at food establishments which offer it, such as one of Golden Arches' chicken-only competitors. I do agree that some kiosks are not well-designed, and I suspect that in some cases, the poor design is being driven by an effort to upsell the customer during the order process--which is stupid. One gas station chain which I frequent keeps changing the layout of the kiosk menus and loading them with "are you sure you don't want these extras" screens, so about the time that you get familiar with what buttons to tap to key in a repeat order, the menu layout changes. However, the kiosk entry is still preferable to a "counter person" performing order entry for the reasons stated above.

With respect to Jeff's experience, however, the "medium is small, large is medium, and extra large is large" thing has been going on for a long time. Can't blame the hired help for that, as they're expected to tow the company line and make sure that you get it right, too.
 
Last edited:
JGoodish said:
Order kiosks are awesome. During recent travels, I passed by a "Golden Arches" location with order kiosks...
Click to expand...

I might frequent a MacDs once every year or two. Heard about these kiosk things and decided an old fart like me should try to keep up with the times (instead of just bitching). So I went to a local MacDonald's to check 'em out.

Waited in line while I watched those in front of me reel through menu after menu. Nobody of any age was particularly proficient, so the line moved slowly. Worst part was once I finally touch-screened my order I had an overwhelming urge to go to the Men's and disinfect my hands.
 
Especially when I travel, I often find myself in unfamiliar coffee places. Partly to be clear, partly to be annoying, partly to see who's paying attention... My typical order is:

"Three dollars worth, please."
 
“Hi I would like a #16 with a large rootbeer”
“Number 16, what size?”
“Large”
“And for your drink?”
“ROOOOT BEER”

...and you think you are somehow worth $15 dollars an hour???
 
Takes back to my first job at Bill's Burger Basket.

In 1982:
customer: I'll take a basket with cheese and a coke
me: Small or Large Coke?
customer: Medium
me: ?!??!?!?!?!

I learned to interpret any answer other than Large meant small. Co-worker said he always defaulted medium to large so there would be fewer refills. That didn't survive our non-scientific study. He had people complain about being charged for a large (like 25 cents extra) which he would give them back. No one ever complained about my under charges.

And don't start me on people who order saying "I'll take" or "I'll have." I know their parents didn't learn them wright. It's "I'd like..."
 
Shepherd said:
My wife and I went to the diner at the local airport yesterday.
We were the only two people there, except the waitress, who was busy talking on the phone.
When she finally noticed us, she said sit anywhere.
When she finally got around to us, we both ordered grilled cheese with bacon, on rye.
We each said it, so it got said twice.
She (eventually) brought us grilled cheese with tomato.
My wife didn't care, she started eating hers.
I sent it back and reiterated "grilled cheese and bacon on rye bread."
She brought me grilled cheese with tomato on white bread.
I sent it back.
I wrote in big block letters on a piece of paper "Grilled cheese and bacon on rye bread", and carried it over to the cook.
I handed it to him and asked him to read it back to me.
I finally got my grilled cheese with bacon on rye bread.
It was pretty good. Of course, by then I was starving.
Click to expand...
You got a grilled cheese with bacon and spit on Rye!
 
Tonight we are having a family get-together, 8 adults plus a high chair.

There's a local mom-and-pop place that we all like so the plan was to meet there. They can get kind of busy, even on a weekday, so I stopped in on Tuesday to talk to someone about it. They don't take reservations, but they do take call-ahead for getting on the seating list. I knew this ahead of time, but wanted to see if there was a way to make life easier for all of us.

Me: "Can I make a reservation for Thursday?"
Them: "I'm sorry, we don't take reservations. It's first-come first-served. We do take call-aheads, though."
Me: "I have a group of 9. How far ahead should I call?"
Them: "Did you say 9? For Thursday?"
Me: "Yes. 9 for Thursday, xx:xx pm. How far ahead should I call?"
Them: "Now is good. Let me put your name on the list."
 
Hank S said:
I see too many worshippers in front of me who require assistance from the junior preistesses to enter their order, which takes tbree ti es as long as the priestess entering the orders herself.
Click to expand...

That's very similar to having people in front of you that don't know how to work the new touch-screen Coke machines. I haven't seen too many of them since moving back to Colorado, but they were starting to pop up all over the place in Silicon Valley, especially movie theaters.

I've so often wanted to butt in and say "Here, let me get your drink for you" instead of watching them fumbling around punching the screen trying to get their drink. And God forbid they hit the wrong button and have to back up through the menus.
 
Pilawt said:
the bacon-egg-cheese McGriddle I ordered had somehow been transmogrified into a sausage McGriddle by the time the priestess delivered it to me.
Click to expand...

The bacon-egg-cheese McGriddle only comes in large so when you order medium you get a sausage McGriddle.
 
Hank S said:
No, the bitter taste is from cooking the coffee beans too long before brewing them. It cooks out a lot of the caffeine, too. But if the beans aren't burned, all of the flavored oils, mixins, creams, caramel, chocolate, etc., completely cover up the coffee flavor.

I personally love me some light roast 100% Columbian, brewed strong and black, but it's impossible to find anything less than "Medium-Dark". Since I drink my coffee straight, I want it to taste like coffee, without the burned taste covered by the half-cup of "non coffee" that's not in my cup . . . .
Click to expand...

Okay you're on. I am not convinced that the lack of "coffee" taste isn't from buying old beans or, heaven forbid, pre-ground. I shall get out my roaster, order some fresh green beans, and experiment with light and dark roasts. I admit that until now I have roasted all my beans to at least first crack and found that the closer to second crack I get the better the cup. The whole point of roasting is to develop all those complexities.

Wait wait wait! I misunderstood you. By "flavored oils, mixins, creams, caramel, chocolate, etc." are you talking about adding stuff to a cup? Horrors! I thought you were referring to the chocolate, caramel, etc. natural tones, and natural oils, that roasting brings out but now that I read your post more closely I see that's not what you're talking about. Yes you are right, people pour a bunch of "non-coffee" into the cup to cover up the fact that their coffee sucks. This is regardless of what level you roast it to, the coffee will still lose its delicate flavors when you start with green beans that are too old, wait too long after roasting to use them (more than a week, a month on the outside), wait too long after grinding to brew it (more than ten minutes) and let it sit too long in the pot after brewing (more than ten minutes).

Selling something that needs such cr@p to make it drinkable should be a criminal offense.
 
Ravioli said:
And don't start me on people who order saying "I'll take" or "I'll have." I know their parents didn't learn them wright. It's "I'd like..."
Click to expand...

Oh god, I worked retail food all the way through college, this one was a pet peeve. I had to bite my tongue, ".... if I bring it to you." But then I was raised by a father who was a grammar nazi. It irks me to this day when people say, "Me and my friend..." Dad never let us get away with that one. I could have run into the house screaming, "Me and my friend just got robbed at gunpoint!" and my dad would have said, "My friend and I were just robbed at gunpoint. Now tell me what happened."

The worst one of all is everywhere, in research papers, news stories, people whose profession is writing and should know better:

"All airplanes don't crash." NO NO NO!!!!! It's "Not all airplanes crash." :incazzato:
 
In back and forths like that I usually end up pointing at the menu behind their head and say "whatever it is you are offering to sell for $3.19 (or whatever) is what I want." I have worked the other side of the counter, so I understand they get their share of people who can't articulate what that want. And I understand the business concept of trying to upsell; not offended at that. But their menu is an offer; my order is acceptance of their offer as presented. If I wanted something other than their offer I would have said so in the beginning.

One fast food franchise landed on my boycott list when the bill was more than I thought it should be based on their menu prices. I asked the priestess to find out why it was different. She came back and said it was because they had raised their prices but hadn't changed the menu yet. Adios. They went out of business not long after.
 
N747JB said:
You got a grilled cheese with bacon and spit on Rye!
Click to expand...
No. I stood there and watched him make it.
It turns out it wasn't the cooks fault. I saw the ticket from the waitress. She kept writing "grilled cheese and tomato. Then thought she fixed it by substituting "white bread".
This is one of two airport diners, owned by the same people. I've known them for years, so I went over to the original diner to talk to the owner.
As soon as I told him I was over at the second diner the first words out of his mouth were: "Did she ever get your order right?"
Apparently, this is what comes of hiring family to keep peace in the house.
 
GRG55 said:
I might frequent a MacDs once every year or two. Heard about these kiosk things and decided an old fart like me should try to keep up with the times (instead of just bitching). So I went to a local MacDonald's to check 'em out.

Waited in line while I watched those in front of me reel through menu after menu. Nobody of any age was particularly proficient, so the line moved slowly. Worst part was once I finally touch-screened my order I had an overwhelming urge to go to the Men's and disinfect my hands.
Click to expand...

I can’t speak for the Golden Arches touchscreen system specifically, since I’ve never used it. My experience at fast food restaurants (and some table service places as well) is that if your order differs from the “standard,” it won’t be entered or prepared correctly a fair amount of the time. I order almost everything “plain,” which seems like the simplest thing in the world to enter and prepare, but probably close to half the time what I receive is not plain. With touchscreen/mobile ordering, my order is correct nearly 100% of the time. If you just order “the #6,” it is possible that asking a human to push the button for you is faster (but it shouldn’t be if the system is well-designed).

The real failure of the human-less order experience is the inability to ask questions about the products before you order. However, a majority of the time the response I receive is, “I don’t know, I’ve never had that.” Well, okay, but you’re selling it so shouldn’t you know something about it? I’ve even had employees tell me, “I don’t eat here,” which makes me think that perhaps I shouldn’t be eating there, either.
 
Ravioli said:
And don't start me on people who order saying "I'll take" or "I'll have." I know their parents didn't learn them wright. It's "I'd like..."
Click to expand...

I always say “I’d like...” because what I’d like and what they serve when they get it wrong 30% of the time aren’t the same anyway, so I just invoke wishful thinking at the drive thru and hope it comes out the way I asked. LOL.

I swear if they offered to make it right the first time for “only $1 more” because that would give you the employee who listens and makes sure it’s right before sending it to the kitchen and then checks it before it’s handed out the window, I’d pay the upcharge. LOL.
 
I continually have trouble with the geniuses at fast food counters who struggle with the idea that I just want the sandwich and drink and not the meal with fries even though I just ordered only the sandwich and drink and neither the word meal nor fries were spoken by me.
 
My favorite "fast" food place is QuikTrip.

Once or twice a month I'll stop in for a sandwich or breakfast thing. For a gas station, they have reasonable prices on pre-made sandwiches and some have a made-to-order counter. What they ALL have are cashiers that can actually make change and have a cheerful chat, while dealing with two customers at the same time. It's actually impressive.

Go inside, grab something to eat, stand in a line that moves really fast, get to the counter, hand the cashier whatever cash you have, get the correct change back (not relying on the register to calculate it) and a smile, and realize that cashier is working an identical transaction on the other side of the register at the same time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top