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Snorting his way across the USA
Yet again, another muted TV show review, done without two key pieces of information: 1. continuity of series, and 2. sound. That's right. We're talking an hour session on the Precor machine while fit tanned breezies flex their gluteals to my left and a mindless television series plays to the right. And I'm in the middle. Listening to Pitbull drone from the overhead speakers.
Now here's the thing - take your typical cop/crime show. There is a suspense build up, and then, at the end, things take an unexpected twist. That's not how cooking shows roll. No. Cooking shows are predictable. Food gets cooked, it all looks good, and people enjoy it at the end. Nobody gags. Nobody makes a bad face. Nobody runs to the bathroom. No, it's really a form of pornography, the only difference is that the raw flesh, after it gets rubbed down with oil, goes in to a cooking pan. There is no dramatic suspense, just captivation filmography as mesmerizing swirls of molten butter bubble deliciously as delft hands heft the sauce pan.
Chef at Home
Enter Chef Michael Smith. He and his wife run a family owned bed and breakfast located on Prince Edward Island in Canada. B&B business must be particularly bad because 1. he never prepares more food than is needed for the immediate family and 2. you never see any guests. He is one of the more animated television chefs. Even without the benefit of sound, you can get the meaning. Between the seventies style of slightly unkempt shoulder length hair, and the eighties Don Johnson style of three day beard stubble, he's a hairy guy. Seriously, I **** you not, one episode he started clean shaven, and by the end of the episode, he had an eight of an inch of beard stubble.
The whole premise of the show is that is is kind of a watered down form of Iron Chef, except without the pressure. His shtick is to cook without a menu, using the freshest ingredients he has sitting in the refrigerator and pantry. For the most part, his creations look fairly appetizing. But there was this one episode, the first one I saw, where he really blew it. He cooked up several yummy looking lobsters, expertly extracted the meat from them and...
Blended it in a big vat of pasta. What The F***. Seriously? All that perfect lobster and you're going to put in in to a damn vat of PASTA????? Dude, you killed it for me.
Again, to summarize, aside from the above, there is no suspense, just expert filmography done by no amateurs, with cooking scenes blended together as perfectly as the spices and the herbs themselves. And he has props. Every cooking show needs props. That might be a trip to the supermarket, or a morning at the fish market in the harbor, or perhaps a trip in the minivan or on the bicycle.
Chef at Large
Okay, this is the next series created by Chef Michael Smith. Now, Michael Smith is a rather common name. Not like Lee Chops, who juggles knives over a hibachi, leaving you wondering if he will end the show with the same number of fingers he had at the beginning of the show. Again, no real drama, but, some adventure is involved. He travels to different venues as a guest chef, wearing his checkered Chef at Large uniform, complete with hat. He's grown out his hair a bit and now wears it in a pony tail, and maybe put on a tad bit of weight. The thing about it is that you don't really have an appreciation for how big he is until you watch this series. When he's cooking alone at home, he just looks like a normal guy with an average build. When he's around other people, he towers over them. He has to duck to clear some doorways. He's not fat or particularly heavy set, he's just physically large. Large.
Venues might be a cowboy ranch in Manitoba catering to maybe twenty or thirty guests, various restaurants, streetside food vendors in Jamaica, or even a meat and fish packaging operation. I think my favorite episode was when he was invited to guest chef on a Canadian Navy destroyer. Throw a ship in there and you have my attention. And it wasn't all just prepping meals in the galley, no, you got some bridge shots, overhead shots of the destroyer performing tight turning maneuvers (excuse me, manoevers) and they even fired off the deck gun. Pop, pop, pop, splash, splash, splash. How exciting.
One thing strikes me about this series. He doesn't really have to do any work. Not really. I mean, yes, he fries stuff up, rolls calzones and tosses salads, but he doesn't have to do ANY of the planning or shopping. It's like "I'm here, now we have a party, and I'm the life of it" and the food is kind of secondary. I think he's becoming a tad egotistical.
Who watches these shows? Okay that is a rhetorical question. Middle aged women of course. What do they get out of it? I'm not sure exactly. Perhaps they are serving up their food fantasy. (Hint: it's not the fit breezies out on the floor that are intently tuned in to the show.) Perhaps it's some sort of romantic fantasy. Michael Smith is not a bad looking guy, perhaps they fantasize having this big hairy ball of love preparing their own personal dinners over a glass of wine, followed by cuddling and a foot massage. I rather think not but who knows. I never asked.
Now here's the thing - take your typical cop/crime show. There is a suspense build up, and then, at the end, things take an unexpected twist. That's not how cooking shows roll. No. Cooking shows are predictable. Food gets cooked, it all looks good, and people enjoy it at the end. Nobody gags. Nobody makes a bad face. Nobody runs to the bathroom. No, it's really a form of pornography, the only difference is that the raw flesh, after it gets rubbed down with oil, goes in to a cooking pan. There is no dramatic suspense, just captivation filmography as mesmerizing swirls of molten butter bubble deliciously as delft hands heft the sauce pan.
Chef at Home
Enter Chef Michael Smith. He and his wife run a family owned bed and breakfast located on Prince Edward Island in Canada. B&B business must be particularly bad because 1. he never prepares more food than is needed for the immediate family and 2. you never see any guests. He is one of the more animated television chefs. Even without the benefit of sound, you can get the meaning. Between the seventies style of slightly unkempt shoulder length hair, and the eighties Don Johnson style of three day beard stubble, he's a hairy guy. Seriously, I **** you not, one episode he started clean shaven, and by the end of the episode, he had an eight of an inch of beard stubble.
The whole premise of the show is that is is kind of a watered down form of Iron Chef, except without the pressure. His shtick is to cook without a menu, using the freshest ingredients he has sitting in the refrigerator and pantry. For the most part, his creations look fairly appetizing. But there was this one episode, the first one I saw, where he really blew it. He cooked up several yummy looking lobsters, expertly extracted the meat from them and...
Blended it in a big vat of pasta. What The F***. Seriously? All that perfect lobster and you're going to put in in to a damn vat of PASTA????? Dude, you killed it for me.
Again, to summarize, aside from the above, there is no suspense, just expert filmography done by no amateurs, with cooking scenes blended together as perfectly as the spices and the herbs themselves. And he has props. Every cooking show needs props. That might be a trip to the supermarket, or a morning at the fish market in the harbor, or perhaps a trip in the minivan or on the bicycle.
Chef at Large
Okay, this is the next series created by Chef Michael Smith. Now, Michael Smith is a rather common name. Not like Lee Chops, who juggles knives over a hibachi, leaving you wondering if he will end the show with the same number of fingers he had at the beginning of the show. Again, no real drama, but, some adventure is involved. He travels to different venues as a guest chef, wearing his checkered Chef at Large uniform, complete with hat. He's grown out his hair a bit and now wears it in a pony tail, and maybe put on a tad bit of weight. The thing about it is that you don't really have an appreciation for how big he is until you watch this series. When he's cooking alone at home, he just looks like a normal guy with an average build. When he's around other people, he towers over them. He has to duck to clear some doorways. He's not fat or particularly heavy set, he's just physically large. Large.
Venues might be a cowboy ranch in Manitoba catering to maybe twenty or thirty guests, various restaurants, streetside food vendors in Jamaica, or even a meat and fish packaging operation. I think my favorite episode was when he was invited to guest chef on a Canadian Navy destroyer. Throw a ship in there and you have my attention. And it wasn't all just prepping meals in the galley, no, you got some bridge shots, overhead shots of the destroyer performing tight turning maneuvers (excuse me, manoevers) and they even fired off the deck gun. Pop, pop, pop, splash, splash, splash. How exciting.
One thing strikes me about this series. He doesn't really have to do any work. Not really. I mean, yes, he fries stuff up, rolls calzones and tosses salads, but he doesn't have to do ANY of the planning or shopping. It's like "I'm here, now we have a party, and I'm the life of it" and the food is kind of secondary. I think he's becoming a tad egotistical.
Who watches these shows? Okay that is a rhetorical question. Middle aged women of course. What do they get out of it? I'm not sure exactly. Perhaps they are serving up their food fantasy. (Hint: it's not the fit breezies out on the floor that are intently tuned in to the show.) Perhaps it's some sort of romantic fantasy. Michael Smith is not a bad looking guy, perhaps they fantasize having this big hairy ball of love preparing their own personal dinners over a glass of wine, followed by cuddling and a foot massage. I rather think not but who knows. I never asked.
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