Painting as Therapy

RJM62

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Geek on the Hill
No, not painting pictures. Painting walls.

Some of you know the drama of my most recent break-up, which actually has left me with more sadness than anything else.

Briefly, she is an alcoholic and an addict, and her condition had progressed to a point where ( 1 ) I seriously doubted that she was capable of recovery, barring the direct intervention of God; and ( B ) I had no doubt whatsoever that I couldn't deal with her addictions any more.

We parted on amicable terms, given the circumstances, which is good. And like I said, I harbor no animosity toward her; if anything, I pity her more than anything else. Addiction is an ugly thing: It's heartbreaking to watch, and almost impossible to comprehend.

Mind you, I'm far from perfect. I'm acutely aware of that fact. When I was a young man I was hell-bent on self-destruction, and I really didn't care who I took with me. But midway through my 20's I had a wake-up call, and by the grace of God, I changed my life. That was half a lifetime ago, and I'm proud of the man I am today.

This is why I can say that this was the first breakup I've had in which I know without a doubt that I was in no way at fault. Even my friend Jim the priest, whose shoulder I leaned on greatly for the last year, says only half-jokingly that I should be sainted for putting up with the situation as long I did. So when I ended the relationship, there was no guilt on my part, no asking myself where I went wrong or what else I could have done, none of that nonsense.

There was just sadness.

Because deep inside, I still love her; and it hurts to watch someone you love destroy herself.

I gave her some time to find a place to stay, and I helped her put her stuff in storage before she left. And then I spent the next few weeks moping around, scratching my beard, calling friends, and talking to Jim the priest. At some point, my head cleared -- it felt a little like emerging from a cloud.

And I looked around, and suddenly something that I'd previously overlooked, despite it being obvious, became clear to me. I looked, and I sniffed, and then I uttered words of great wisdom.

I said to myself, "Richard, this place is a pigsty."

And so I embarked on the great cleaning blitz of 2009. Many bags of garbage and shredded papers later, and after aquainting myself with the wonderful world of cleaning solvents (Murphy's Oil Soap does an AMAZING job on hardwood floors), The place sparkled.

And yet, something was missing. It just seemed... boring. And so I decided to embark on the great painting project of 2009. Not only would I paint, but I would paint in such a way as to make a statement. I would get in touch with my inner child and let him choose the colors. And choose them he did. He chose bold, bright, daring colors that proclaimed to the world, "Yes, this is MY place now -- and if I want blaze orange window frames, then blaze orange window frames I shall have!"

I must say, I'm actually very pleased with the results, despite having selected colors that would make my eye doc break out his old Farnsworth Lantern were he to see them. They're garish. They don't match by any stretch of the imagination. And they're... well... odd.

But you know what? I really, really like them. They make the place interesting. So despite my deep hatred of painting, I actually enjoyed the whole process.

Hence the title of this post, Painting as Therapy. I really can't say that the place needed painting. But somehow I needed to do it. I needed to take possession of it again, so to speak. And so I did.

Oh, before I forget, I took some pics. Tell me what you think of my color choices. (Go ahead. I have thick skin.)

-Rich
 

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Well and jolly good for you.

I actually like that 3rd pic. I like the colors. It's soothing in a 1950s sort of way. :)

That grape ivy in the first pic...oh, it needs help.

It's a journey, live it as you need.
 
You paint, she drinks... You both have found your solution...
 
Not bad color choices, but next time go big! Leave the windowsils white and put the orange on the rest of the wall!!!!!
 
Fixing up your home is one of the best things you can do for yourself after a breakup. The statement you are making is, that other person is no longer needed, your no longer dependent on her opinion at all, you can think for yourself.

As long as you are not doing it the way you think she might like, your right, it's therapeutic. Next step is toss the furniture, and get your own. Do it one piece at a time, it ends up a lot better.

You are right about one thing, she is not going to get cured, and even if, by some slim chance she did, you probably would not like that person anyway. Or perhaps, she wouldn't like you, either way, the magic is gone for good.

Live your own life, in your own home, the way you want to do it.

Your painting scheme looks great, good for you.

John
 
In my case, we had a great marriage, and my Wife passed away from brain cancer. My therapy was photography, which I have done for, now, 62 years.

You have to make up your mind to go ahead with your life, and find ways to do so.

You are in my prayers, and I'm glad you have the Lord to guide you. That's really the main thing that got me through.
 
Rich:

First off, with regard to your friend with addiction: nothing you can do to fix them - I know you know that, but it bears repeating. You've shown exceptional character here.

Secondly, the therapeutic value of decluttering is stunning- I need some of that about now, myself!

As for the colors, I like 'em- but maybe it's time for new curtains!
 
Thanks to everyone who responded for your kind words, and thank you Bruce for your prayers.

-Rich
 
The Great Painting Project of 2009 is completed!

I just finished the guest room, which I did using the same "antique white" paint that I used for the rest of the place (hey, I had five gallons of it), with deep blue and bright yellow trim, and brand-spanking-new burgundy bedsheets. I figure that combination should help keep house guests from staying too long, unless they're color blind.

I'm also looking for a computer desk so I can put one of the eight computers I have sitting under my workbench in there. I don't own a television and the only computer I have with a TV card is in my office; so I figure at least my guests will be able to surf the Web or watch Netflix in there. Also, it looks a little... bare. (There actually are two beds; only one is shown in the pic.)

Thanks for tolerating all this tedious nonsense about painting. You're right, Spike: I'm amazed at how therapeutic it's been to tidy up and paint the place, hang up pictures of my family and friends, and so forth. It's the best use of excess energy I've undertaken in a long time.

-Rich
 

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Your environment is important, and can help you differentiate between the before and after states. Of course you did the right thing, nobody has responsibility to stand by someone with a horrible mental illness.
 
Your environment is important, and can help you differentiate between the before and after states. Of course you did the right thing, nobody has responsibility to stand by someone with a horrible mental illness.

Thank you.

If I thought there were hope of her acknowledging her problem, along with a serious desire on her part to deal with it, I would help her -- as a friend. But failing that, I've had to accept that the only thing that living with an addict who is in denial does is make the non-addict start thinking like one, too.

-Rich
 
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