NA - You have 1 hour to talk to your dog. What's the conversation?

SixPapaCharlie

SixPapaCharlie

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Clearly POA is an animal loving bunch. Tonight I asked Eren. If I told you tomorrow for 1 hour, the dogs could understand and speak English, What is the conversation?

For me:
1. Why do you lick me?
2. Can you see in color?
3. Please understand that I love you but when you bite / scratch, All I have is bare skin and it hurts me and that's why I yell the F word.
4. What are your thoughts on the food we feed you?
5. Do you remember your parents and siblings?
6. Why do you seem so surprised when you break wind?

You have 1 hour tomorrow to visit with your dog (Or cat if you are a helicopter pilot). What's the conversation?
 
1. What are you dreaming about when you half-bark and wag your tail in your sleep? Are they good dreams or bad dreams?
 
9813cc8530a84e6972e86c011c1d5083.jpg
 
What makes you decide to bark at something? Or not bark?

I'm the Dad, and you're MY dog. Why do you like Mom better just because she feeds you?

Why do you get so neurotic just because we've had to change your daily routine (like when we leave for a few days)?
 
But what if the dog talked to you...


A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the CIA.


"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.


But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at LAX to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."


The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.


"Ten dollars", the owner says.



"$10!!?


But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying ********. He's never been out of the garden!!.
 
Let's talk about the neighborhood dogs. Most of them are good dogs. Why do you act like you hate most of them?

Do you like what we feed you? I assume you do, because it only takes about 10 seconds for you to vacuum up a bowl of it.

The leash. I know you don't like it, but can you please stop trying to chew on it? These things get expensive, and I already have a ridiculous dog toy budget for you.
 
Why do you keep chasing the neighbor's cat when you know he is gonna just kick your azz and scratch the hell outta you...
 
Spider Robinson. "Dog Day Evening." All you need.

Reminds me of a radio commercial I heard once. The announcer said they had a talking dog in the studio.

Interviewer: "Rex, what is the texture of sandpaper?"

Dog: "Ruff, Ruff."

Interviewer: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth, Ruth."

Interviewer: "What's on the top of a house?"

Dog: "Roof, Roof."

Interviewer: "Thanks for coming by, Rex."

Dog: "You're very welcome, Ted, thanks for having me....."

Ron Wanttaja
 
I don't know, I'd imagine the conversation to be about the same as talking to my teenage girl.
 
can you please wipe your butt once in a while? (a la @Sac Arrow )

what is it, exactly, about a leg, that makes you want to hump it?

also, you stink bro. seriously, take a shower now and then.

scratch MY back once in a while, will ya?
 
Scrabo said:
But what if the dog talked to you...


A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the CIA.


"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.


But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at LAX to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."


The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.


"Ten dollars", the owner says.



"$10!!?


But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying ********. He's never been out of the garden!!.
Click to expand...


"If there's one thing that monkey hates, it's a LYING coon dog!"
 
If we went on vacation and left you with a nice family of helicopter pilots, would you kill their cats, or do you only do that when cats come into our yard?
 
Scrabo said:
But what if the dog talked to you...


A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the CIA.


"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.


But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at LAX to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."


The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.


"Ten dollars", the owner says.



"$10!!?


But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying ********. He's never been out of the garden!!.
Click to expand...


I think that dog is a member on this forum.............;)
 
1. What's the story behind Gin and Juice?
2. Fo sheezy, heezy.
3. You should hook up with E40 for another collaboration.

Oh wait... that's Dogg.
 
Why do you eat the cat poo out of the litter box.....do they taste like little Tootsie Rolls.??
 
Me: I'm sorry. I feel I should spend more time with you. I've been busy lately.
Toshi: Wanna throw the ball?
Me: I'll try to do better. I'll start taking you with me more often.
Toshi: Wanna throw the ball?
Me: I know it's been different with the kids moving out and moving on.
Toshi: Wanna throw the ball?

And on and on...
 
Me: So what do you think about the current political situation?

Dog: Squirrel! Squirrel! All hands on deck!

Me: Let's try a different topic. Do you think minimum basic income could be more cost-efficient than welfare programmes?

Dog: I wonder what that other dog's butt smells like. Maybe I'll take a sniff.

Me: OK, even simpler. Hight wing or low wing?

Dog: I wonder what your butt smells like…

Me: This conversation is finished.
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
Clearly POA is an animal loving bunch. Tonight I asked Eren. If I told you tomorrow for 1 hour, the dogs could understand and speak English, What is the conversation?

For me:
1. Why do you lick me?
2. Can you see in color?
3. Please understand that I love you but when you bite / scratch, All I have is bare skin and it hurts me and that's why I yell the F word.
4. What are your thoughts on the food we feed you?
5. Do you remember your parents and siblings?
6. Why do you seem so surprised when you break wind?

You have 1 hour tomorrow to visit with your dog (Or cat if you are a helicopter pilot). What's the conversation?
Click to expand...
I often think about number five and it's a bit of a sad thought

I'd be interested in what they most like and dislike about me and their impression of humans in general
 
1. Do you actually like dogfood?
2. Why do you bark at 2 certain dogs and red cars?
3. What's your favorite: - cruising in the 4runner with windows down or out on the trail off leash?
4. Are you ever sad? (Those Golden eyes would sure have you think so)
5. Has anyone ever hurt you...and who!
 
Me: Hannah, we have one hour to talk.
Hannah: Can you go to the food box above where you keep my nail clippers and get me a treat?
Me: OK (gets treat and gives it to dog.)
Hannah (eats treat)
Me: Do you remember your dreams?
Hannah: What do you call that stuff you give me from the cold food box after you cut my nails?
Me: Cheese. About when you dream, do you remember what they were about?
Hannah: Can you get me some cheese?
Me: I will, if you'll answer the question.
Hannah: What are dreams? And can you get the cheese?
Me: (gets cheese, gives to dog.)
Me: Dreams are thoughts you have when you're asleep.
Hannah: How do you know I dream?
Me: Sometimes your legs move a little and you make growly noises while you're asleep. Twice you made a howling sound that you've never made while you're awake.
Hannah: What's howling?
Me: (Tries to reproduce the howling sound.)
Hannah: That doesn't sound like me.
Me: Well, I'm not a dog, and you don't make that sound when you're awake.
Hannah: Oh. What's that thing you cook on the outdoor cooking box that takes all day?
Me: It's pulled pork. What about my question about remembering your dreams?
Hannah: You should make pulled pork soon.
Me: I will if you'll answer my question.
Hannah: You asked a question?
Me: Oh, forget it.
Hannah: I will. Is there any meat in the cold food box?

At this point I give up.
 
I ain’t gotta dog, or a cat. But there’s a conversation I’d like to have with some. Like dude, are you serious. How can you let them dress you like that. Get some self respect. Fight back, that’s what ya got claws and teeth for.
 
Me: Dogs obviously have great insight into the great truths, so tell me all the great truths
Dog: I would but you’d never understand
 
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