My son is taking flying lessons

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marinap

Filing Flight Plan
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petrova19
Hello! I'm new to this site and this forum. My 17-year-old son started taking flying lessons and is working on getting a private pilot license. He has been obsessed with planes and flying since he was a little boy. I love seeing the joy he gets from each lesson and the seriousness he is taking it with. The irony here is that I have a huge fear of flying, to the point where I cannot get on an commercial airplane without Xanax. Small planes? Can't even think about it. My son until recently had no idea I had this fear, I always hid it from him because I worried I would pass it on to him. Mission accomplished. And it's awesome that he is so passionate about this and I'm supportive. But... any advice on how I can sleep at night?
 
If he's taking lessons, he should be learning about aeronautical decision making (ADM) and the process that pilots use to evaluate hazard and risk. Talk to him about that and get a good understanding of how he approaches those things. If he's got the temperament and emotional intelligence to understand the gravity of his responsibilities as a pilot, talking through these things with him should help to alleviate your concerns.

And maybe read about the ADM chapters in his study material with him. The Pilot's Handbook of Aeronautical Knowledge is a good place to start.

And good on you for encouraging his passion.
 
Baked Potato said:
If he's taking lessons, he should be learning about aeronautical decision making (ADM) and the process that pilots use to evaluate hazard and risk. Talk to him about that and get a good understanding of how he approaches those things. If he's got the temperament and emotional intelligence to understand the gravity of his responsibilities as a pilot, talking through these things with him should help to alleviate your concerns.

And maybe read about the ADM chapters in his study material with him. The Pilot's Handbook of Aeronautical Knowledge is a good place to start.

And good on you for encouraging his passion.
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Thank you! The school he is taking lesson at is Part 141 and they have all those materials, I believe. I will take a look!
 
Perhaps you can attend the ground school with your son. If you better understand how airplanes work, and how pilots are trained to handle any issues that may arize, you may come to understand that the risk in flying is nothing like you fear.
 
Dana said:
Perhaps you can attend the ground school with your son. If you better understand how airplanes work, and how pilots are trained to handle any issues that may arize, you may come to understand that the risk in flying is nothing like you fear.
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Thank you. That's a great idea. I understand that my fear is not logical, but unfortunately I haven't been able to get rid of it.
 
It’s always humorous to me when people have this irrational fear over flying, especially airline travel, the safest mode of transportation, yet don’t think twice about driving everyday.

Congrats to your son.
 
I would second going to ground school with him, worked for my wife.
 
marinap said:
The irony here is that I have a huge fear of flying,
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Do you have a fear of flying or a fear of heights.??

I used to think I had a fear of heights. I would be in a tall building and then when getting close to a window, It felt as if an invisible force was pulling to that window. My knees would get weak feeling, I would get anxious, nervous and feel like I was going to fall out. But getting into a small plane and flying up high did not bother me at all.

Then when I was actively instructing one of my flight students was a psychiatrist. I told him how I felt and he explained to me that I did not have a fear of heights, but instead I had a fear of falling. He basically told me to get over myself, and that seemed to work for me.

And he always had interesting stories about his work.
 
Zeldman said:
....he explained to me that I did not have a fear of heights, but instead I had a fear of falling.
Click to expand...


Insightful. No wonder those folks make big bucks.

I'm surprised he didn't tell you that you had a fear of dying.....
 
marinap said:
Hello! I'm new to this site and this forum. My 17-year-old son started taking flying lessons and is working on getting a private pilot license. He has been obsessed with planes and flying since he was a little boy. I love seeing the joy he gets from each lesson and the seriousness he is taking it with. The irony here is that I have a huge fear of flying, to the point where I cannot get on an commercial airplane without Xanax. Small planes? Can't even think about it. My son until recently had no idea I had this fear, I always hid it from him because I worried I would pass it on to him. Mission accomplished. And it's awesome that he is so passionate about this and I'm supportive. But... any advice on how I can sleep at night?
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Do you trust him to drive a car? How much professional training did he get before he passed the driving test? For me, it was 4 hours of classroom instruction, followed by 2 hours of "driving time" (where I split the driver seat time with 3 other students). The rest was driving with an "experienced driver", rather than a qualified instructor

In the case of flying a plane, your son is going to get a minimum of 40 hours of experience flying and 10 hours of ground time (likely more of both) from an trained and certificated instructor. While I understand you are uncomfortable with airplanes, you should also consider that in order to have the opportunity to fly he will have to demonstrate far more dedication, proficiency and maturity than was required for him to get the keys to a car. While I am not saying you should blindly trust any teenager, I would be far more inclined to trust a teenager that exhibits the discipline required to obtain a PPL.
 
Number of physician suicides in the US is the same as the total number of people killed in GA accidents. Not sure if that will make you sleep better.
 
@marinap welcome to POA! I hope you stick around for a while.

First, congratulations to your son on getting into aviation.

Second, job well done on not letting your fear be passed on. Not sure you meant for him to go the opposite way and want to do it voluntarily, but such is life.

Third, let's talk about aviation a bit.
- Training: In general, there are very few cases you can imagine where a successful outcome is not possible. Engine failure? Not a problem, your son will be taught how to deal with this. How to work in a crowded airspace with other airplanes around? Your son will be covering this as well. Flying in clouds where he can't see the ground? Your son, although not supposed to do this on purpose at the private pilot level, will get some training in this as well.

- The aircraft: Aircraft that are used for training are required to be inspected every 100hrs by a certified aviation mechanic. Every inspection, every repair or work done is recorded in a logbook. This means that the aircraft will be much better maintained than most cars on the road. Your son will be taught to inspect the aircraft before every flight to make sure it is ready for flight. This includes both outside and inside the aircraft, engine compartment, plus checks of the engine itself before departure.

Fourth, a couple of resources for you:
- Free online private pilot ground school.
https://fly8ma.com/courses/2021-free-private-pilot-ground-school-pilot-course/
This will cover the same material as what your son will be learning in his ground school.

- FAA publications.
https://www.faa.gov/regulations_policies/handbooks_manuals/aviation
There are a lot of flying publications by the FAA and they are available for free download.

An earlier poster suggested the Pilot’s Handbook of Aeronautical Knowledge, that can be found at
https://www.faa.gov/regulations_policies/handbooks_manuals/aviation/phak
You can either download the whole book (top link on that page), or peruse individual sections

I'm going to stop there, but again, welcome and congratulations to your son!
 
A good part of learning to fly is discussing, planning and training for contingencies and emergencies. That is not going to be helpful to somebody with an emotional fear of flying. A fearful passenger going through ground school will hear all the same material but the take-away will be completely different. When I watch airplane disaster videos, my take-away is how to avoid a similar mistake. The take-away from the same video from a fearful passenger will always be about all the death that occurred.

Intellectual vs emotional.

My suggestion. On a calm day with near perfect weather, go up for a ride in a small plane with an EXPERIENCED instructor. One loop in the pattern where the experienced instructor is well briefed regarding the fear of flying. Unfortunately the fearful passenger has to suck it up, grin and bear it. A quarter of a Xanax may go a long way. One easy loop. Land. Pull over to the ramp. Engine running. Instructor asks if fearful passenger is ok with doing that same thing one more time. Repeat. Second loop in the pattern. Land. Pull over to ramp. Ask again. Go for third loop. Land. Pull to ramp. Engine off. Congrats.

100% of the time, I have taken people up in a small aircraft who have never been [in a small aircraft] and who are either nervous or fearful, the response every single time is the same. The nervous/fearful person is amazed at how smooth everything is and how completely different the experience was as compares to a heavy commercial jet airliner.

On the day to go up, if the weather is not great and smooth than cancel. Never take a nervous passenger up for a first flight in sketchy weather.
 
Mongoose Aviator said:
A good part of learning to fly is discussing, planning and training for contingencies and emergencies. That is not going to be helpful to somebody with an emotional fear of flying. A fearful passenger going through ground school will hear all the same material but the take-away will be completely different. When I watch airplane disaster videos, my take-away is how to avoid a similar mistake. The take-away from the same video from a fearful passenger will always be about all the death that occurred.

Intellectual vs emotional.

My suggestion. On a calm day with near perfect weather, go up for a ride in a small plane with an EXPERIENCED instructor. One loop in the pattern where the experienced instructor is well briefed regarding the fear of flying. Unfortunately the fearful passenger has to suck it up, grin and bear it. A quarter of a Xanax may go a long way. One easy loop. Land. Pull over to the ramp. Engine running. Instructor asks if fearful passenger is ok with doing that same thing one more time. Repeat. Second loop in the pattern. Land. Pull over to ramp. Ask again. Go for third loop. Land. Pull to ramp. Engine off. Congrats.

100% of the time, I have taken people up in a small aircraft who have never been [in a small aircraft] and who are either nervous or fearful, the response every single time is the same. The nervous/fearful person is amazed at how smooth everything is and how completely different the experience was as compares to a heavy commercial jet airliner.

On the day to go up, if the weather is not great and smooth than cancel. Never take a nervous passenger up for a first flight in sketchy weather.
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I know what you mean, but saying “lap” instead of “loop” might be a tad less frightening....
 
guest user said:
@marinap welcome to POA! I hope you stick around for a while.

First, congratulations to your son on getting into aviation.

Second, job well done on not letting your fear be passed on. Not sure you meant for him to go the opposite way and want to do it voluntarily, but such is life.

Third, let's talk about aviation a bit.
- Training: In general, there are very few cases you can imagine where a successful outcome is not possible. Engine failure? Not a problem, your son will be taught how to deal with this. How to work in a crowded airspace with other airplanes around? Your son will be covering this as well. Flying in clouds where he can't see the ground? Your son, although not supposed to do this on purpose at the private pilot level, will get some training in this as well.

- The aircraft: Aircraft that are used for training are required to be inspected every 100hrs by a certified aviation mechanic. Every inspection, every repair or work done is recorded in a logbook. This means that the aircraft will be much better maintained than most cars on the road. Your son will be taught to inspect the aircraft before every flight to make sure it is ready for flight. This includes both outside and inside the aircraft, engine compartment, plus checks of the engine itself before departure.

Fourth, a couple of resources for you:
- Free online private pilot ground school.
https://fly8ma.com/courses/2021-free-private-pilot-ground-school-pilot-course/
This will cover the same material as what your son will be learning in his ground school.

- FAA publications.
https://www.faa.gov/regulations_policies/handbooks_manuals/aviation
There are a lot of flying publications by the FAA and they are available for free download.

An earlier poster suggested the Pilot’s Handbook of Aeronautical Knowledge, that can be found at
https://www.faa.gov/regulations_policies/handbooks_manuals/aviation/phak
You can either download the whole book (top link on that page), or peruse individual sections

I'm going to stop there, but again, welcome and congratulations to your son!
Click to expand...
Thank you! I appreciate you sharing these resources with me. I also understand that this is an irrational fear which makes it harder to overcome. But I'm trying.
 
marinap said:
Hello! I'm new to this site and this forum. My 17-year-old son started taking flying lessons and is working on getting a private pilot license. He has been obsessed with planes and flying since he was a little boy. I love seeing the joy he gets from each lesson and the seriousness he is taking it with. The irony here is that I have a huge fear of flying, to the point where I cannot get on an commercial airplane without Xanax. Small planes? Can't even think about it. My son until recently had no idea I had this fear, I always hid it from him because I worried I would pass it on to him. Mission accomplished. And it's awesome that he is so passionate about this and I'm supportive. But... any advice on how I can sleep at night?
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You might discuss this with the doctor who prescribed the Xanax to get options for treating your phobia.
 
Can't give any advice regarding a fear of flying (specifically), but I can share my own phobia. I am terrified of wasps and hornets. If I see one, I'm running. Oddly enough, I'm not afraid of honey bees. This is probably because a science teacher brought in a beekeeper one day and he brought some bees. After class, a few other students and I let them crawl on our hands. They were the most docile creatures imaginable. Still terrified of wasps and hornets, but my mind has accepted that BEES are not aggressive.

Having positive experiences with the object of your fear could help you resolve it. @Mongoose Aviator is probably right in recommending a flight on a CALM day, and that seems like a reasonable starting place. Attending a ground school may also help.
 
2-Bit Speed said:
I am terrified of wasps and hornets. If I see one, I'm running.
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No surprise. When you were, I think, about 3, you disturbed a wasp nest while playing at a friend’s house. You ended up with about a dozen stings and we had to call the paramedics.

Some phobias have a very understandable cause.
 
Half Fast said:
No surprise. When you were, I think, about 3, you disturbed a wasp nest while playing at a friend’s house. You ended up with about a dozen stings and we had to call the paramedics.

Some phobias have a very understandable cause.
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I remember. Vividly. lol
 
It is not "irrational" to have a fear of your son flying. Nor do I think it is irrational to have a fear of flying yourself. At it's most basic, flying is man overcoming nature. Nature has a way of reminding us that she is the one with the last word.

I've been flying for over 30 years and enjoy the beauty and the challenge. However, I would not want my son to fly for the same reason as you.

Flying single engine airplanes is not safer than driving a car, for so many reasons.

Your fears are rational and have a basis in fact. My completely unprofessional advice is to start recognizing the issue, and your fears, in reality. Your fear is legitimate.

Flying single engine airplanes is dangerous by any metric. After 30 years I am still finding new ways that I could die. Or forgetting some life-saving detail I learned a long time ago and never came across in an actual flight.

I'm not sure taking a ground school with your son is a good idea at all. What you will learn is how complex flying is and how many things you never thought about that can go wrong. You will have a bunch of new things to worry about.

If my son were to take up flying I think my approach would be, "don't tell me anything about what you are doing". To be clear, I am a rather extreme worrier about the people I love.

I would be happy that he found a passion, but I just wouldn't want to hear about it. I think simple avoidance can be a "rational" choice for some of us.
 
Zeldman said:
Then when I was actively instructing one of my flight students was a psychiatrist. I told him how I felt and he explained to me that I did not have a fear of heights, but instead I had a fear of falling. He basically told me to get over myself, and that seemed to work for me.
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I would say that is sort of a DUH instance.

Or practically, what is the difference in life?

I do not like heights, but have flown at 100 feet to FL390 at the controls, not counting take off and landing.
 
My daughter had a fear of flying…and for many years would never consider flying with me…boy has that changed. It did not happen till she was 21…works in the industry and has plenty of ratings…her best days are around airports and airplanes and it all started on day when I said I need to ground taxi the Arrow over to refuel and would she like to tag along. No intent to fly that day but something clicked…
 
Lndwarrior said:
It is not "irrational" to have a fear of your son flying. Nor do I think it is irrational to have a fear of flying yourself. At it's most basic, flying is man overcoming nature. Nature has a way of reminding us that she is the one with the last word.

I've been flying for over 30 years and enjoy the beauty and the challenge. However, I would not want my son to fly for the same reason as you.

Flying single engine airplanes is not safer than driving a car, for so many reasons.

Your fears are rational and have a basis in fact. My completely unprofessional advice is to start recognizing the issue, and your fears, in reality. Your fear is legitimate.

Flying single engine airplanes is dangerous by any metric. After 30 years I am still finding new ways that I could die. Or forgetting some life-saving detail I learned a long time ago and never came across in an actual flight.

I'm not sure taking a ground school with your son is a good idea at all. What you will learn is how complex flying is and how many things you never thought about that can go wrong. You will have a bunch of new things to worry about.

If my son were to take up flying I think my approach would be, "don't tell me anything about what you are doing". To be clear, I am a rather extreme worrier about the people I love.

I would be happy that he found a passion, but I just wouldn't want to hear about it. I think simple avoidance can be a "rational" choice for som
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If you're an extreme worrier, how did you decide to become a pilot? Sorry, not trying to pry, just trying to figure out how to deal with this. My son loves it so far. He only had about 5 lessons, so he is yet to do a solo flight. I more worried about him flying on his own than with an instructor, even though I understand that even with an instructor... I don't want to kill his passion. But from what I've read, flying a single engine airplane is not safer than flying a car.
 
marinap said:
But from what I've read, flying a single engine airplane is not safer than flying a car.
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It’s difficult to quantify the risk accurately, but most think it’s roughly on par with riding a motorcycle. Are you fearful of your son learning to ride a motorcycle? If your level of concern is roughly the same, then you probably have a (perhaps) excessive worry about harm coming to your child rather than a flying phobia.

The way of to deal with it is different for each of those, so give it a little thought. Are you really terrified of him flying, or are you over-protective?
 
Zeldman said:
I hope this is a typo. I have flown a couple of cars. Cars aren't meant to fly.
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Oh, I dunno. They seem to fly pretty well, and even do aerobatics. They just aren't great at landing. But since the pilot walked away, I'd say this one was at least a good landing, no?

 
I've also heard that GA flying is close to riding a motorcycle in terms of risks. I bet there are a lot of things we (people in general) do that is more dangerous than GA flying, yet we don't even think twice about those things because they're more common than sitting in a box with wings 9,000 ft above ground. Also, how risky GA flying is depends on the type of GA flying. Here is an article on AOPA about this topic: https://www.aopa.org/news-and-media/all-news/2023/january/pilot/safety-spotlight-is-ga-safe

Here is another article for you to read: https://www.usatoday.com/story/trav...maller-planes-safety-ask-captain/10469533002/

And this one is pretty interesting as well: https://www.aviationsafetymagazine.com/features/as-safe-as-the-airlines/
 
It takes skills and knowledge to become a pilot, but also -- perhaps most importantly -- judgement. And part of your son's flight training will be about exactly this. They call it "aeronautical decision making" in the biz, but most folks would just call it "having good judgement".

This includes things like: knowing the weather, following checklists, having the willingness to do things like cancel a flight even when it seems like you "need to get there", and knowing one's own limits (which are called "personal minimums" in the biz). All of this is part of flight training -- at least, it is supposed to be! There's also training about what to do in case of various possible emergencies; your son will have to practice a lot of "what if the engine dies" drills, before he'll be allowed to solo.

Pilots, as a group, I have found to be among the most safety-conscious people I know. They have open conversations about risks, and how to mitigate them. When I was first training, I didn't know anybody else who was a pilot or who was training to become one, and joining this board helped a lot and exposed me to a lot of wisdom.

All the best!
 
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Nice to hear about the enthusiasm. It’s a great time to get into piloting, yes a little $$ helps. Keep him on track, should be a worthwhile career on the other end.
 
marinap said:
If you're an extreme worrier, how did you decide to become a pilot? Sorry, not trying to pry, just trying to figure out how to deal with this. My son loves it so far. He only had about 5 lessons, so he is yet to do a solo flight. I more worried about him flying on his own than with an instructor, even though I understand that even with an instructor... I don't want to kill his passion. But from what I've read, flying a single engine airplane is not safer than flying a car.
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I would suggest that the environments between car and aircraft are different. While some people may want to equate them, I feel that is a great oversimplification.

In a car, you are interacting a lot with other humans. Each interaction has the potential to harm or kill you. Crossing a center line marker, turning in front of you, failing to stop at a stop sign, etc. (not to mention, that these dangers are also possible for you to commit as a driver of a vehicle) There are many ways to have a bad day w/ a car.

In an aircraft, there are fewer interactions with other humans. Usually near the airport when taking off or landing. Yes, you can still have a bad day here, but I find the human actions are much more predictable than while driving. (There are definite "Are you crazy!?!" moments in the airport vicinity, but I find them less than in the driving environment) Outside of that, it is rare to actually have to worry about what other humans are doing while flying. The challenges faced are usually of the man vs machine vs environment type. And most of these are trained for. In the small general aviation aircraft like your son is flying there are relatively few failure modes. The difference here is that now his judgement and decision making come into to play.

As an example:
- If the engine in a car stops you pull over, get out, and call a tow truck, emergency over.
- If the engine in an airplane stops, it is a whole different story. A plane will land just fine w/o an engine. First step, of course, is to try to restart the engine. But, don't take too long, as this reduces the time you have to plan an off airport landing. The skill now is to shepherd the energy to the best place to land the airplane. This requires understanding how far it can travel to get there. If you try to go somewhere to far, you will run out of speed and the plane will either stall and crash, or you'll end up somewhere short of your target with variable results. Also, if you are not careful, you can have too much speed and fly past your intended landing spot and then end up somewhere less than ideal with possibly less than ideal results. So, there is a lot more for a pilot to juggle in an engine out scenario than with a car. However, in and of itself it is a survivable experience.

The above is a scenario your son will definitely be taught along with other in flight emergencies. Emergencies are handled by trained pilots on a regular basis, much more often than some pilots fail to handle an emergency. As an example, we have a pilot here on this board who had oil cover his windshield but was still able to make a successful landing at an airport.

Finally, yes, of course, there are cases where the pilot did everything right and still died in a general aviation crash. However, the same can be said about any endeavor in life, from walking down the sidewalk to sleeping in bed.
 
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