Mx Squawks

[Steve]

(old but still entertaining)

A little ramp humor

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance technicians.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten-up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last……………. .

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget..

 

[redcloud]

Thanx Steve for a laugh!

 

[Teller1900]

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

This is no joke, we have this fight a lot with maintenance control (not over autopilot, though)! We actually have to put the phrase "in flight" in all our write ups, just so they can't turn the master on, "oh it works fine now," ops check:good, and send us on our way!

Example from last week:

Initial write up: "Co-pilot side EFIS tube fails when panel is bumped."

MX turns on the EFIS system, hits the panel with a flight light, writes "ops check: good" in the mx log, and releases the plane back to us.

It fails on the next leg...uhh...duhhhh.

"IN FLIGHT, co-pilot side EFIS tube fails when panel is bumped." Suddenly it works a lot better the next time we go flying.

 

[gkainz]

Initial write up: "Co-pilot side EFIS tube fails when panel is bumped."

MX: Removed copilot so that EFIS no longer gets bumped. Ops check good. A799*

*A little Navy VIDSMAF humor - A799 is/was the maintenance action code for "Unable to reproduce"

 

[Steve]

MX: Removed copilot so that EFIS no longer gets bumped. Ops check good. A799*

*A little Navy VIDSMAF humor - A799 is/was the maintenance action code for "Unable to reproduce"

 

[Teller1900]

MX: Removed copilot so that EFIS no longer gets bumped. Ops check good. A799*

*A little Navy VIDSMAF humor - A799 is/was the maintenance action code for "Unable to reproduce"

I think they'd do that if they could!