Married pilots: how do you deal?

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thetoptaco

Filing Flight Plan
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thetoptaco
How often, and how long do you get to be home?
Also, how does your s/o deal with this extended alone time?
How did you adjust your standard of living to meet both of your needs and wants?
Maybe my girlfriend and I (3 ys) just aren't dealing with this career well.
:dunno:
 
Im dealing the same way many others do, I'm filing paper work that makes it so I nonlinear have to deal.
 
Guessing you went the 121 route?

I'm home every night, one week on, one week off.

On demand 135 IFR single pilot.



Airlines are not the promised land.
 
James331 said:
Guessing you went the 121 route?

I'm home every night, one week on, one week off.

On demand 135 IFR single pilot.



Airlines are not the promised land.
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I have 18 days off this month (no vacation) just the way i picked them?:)
now it wasnt always that way to be fair but compared to my 135 job this is a cake walk in terms of QOL.

my wifes a teacher so in the summer/holidays were all home a bunch so I usually dump most of my schedule a little below min credit...kids keep em busy and that is a good distractor from the doldrums of being gone.

usually try to have 3-4 trips a month (3) 3 day trips and a 4 day is typical with what I bid....I like at least 4 days off between trips and once a month an "extended" stretch home....dont forget to drop a few well placed sick bombs here and there if needed...

the hard part can be the transition after a trip...sometimes it takes me a little while to snap back into Dad/husband role especially after a trip with a *****ty commute.
 
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Bring her on one of your less than glamorous trips sometime - she won't want to go again and might even feel sorry for you !
 
I sat mine down and told her it's not an easy lifestyle but I'm not giving up something I've wanted to do since I was a child that easily. I've only just begun but being honest and having great communication has helped so far.

I also make sure to call and tell her to kick all the boyfriends out before I get home.
 
thetoptaco said:
How often, and how long do you get to be home?
Also, how does your s/o deal with this extended alone time?
How did you adjust your standard of living to meet both of your needs and wants?
Maybe my girlfriend and I (3 ys) just aren't dealing with this career well.
:dunno:
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Do not marry her. Problem solved. If you ain't making them complain about you they ain't happy with you. You are probably doing alright.
 
I'm home for dinner everyday at 5.....and I fly every other Saturday. So, it's not all that bad. :D

The tough part is at annual time....sometimes I might have to be at the airport all weekend. :mad2:
 
My wife got used to me being deployed while we were in the military, and I was in the military before she married me so she knew what she was getting into. She deals with it by being her own self-sufficient person when I'm on the road, just as she dealt with being a working single in her years from leaving home until we got married. To put it bluntly, if your girlfriend can't handle you being on the road for 4 days or so at a time, then you need either a new girlfriend or a different job, because continuing in your current situation will end badly -- seen it more times than I can count in my 40+ years in aviation and the military.
 
What Ron said. Choose wisely.

It took seven years of marriage before we had spent more time together than time apart. Bumps here and there, but now at 26 years and happily counting.

And the situation works both ways: I am the one home alone, I deal with it by flying and fixing my airplanes, which she bought me. That's right: she needs to work because I want airplanes! :yesnod:

In fact, she has recently gone on reserve, with more time at home because her bid status is a bit over populated, and I am feeling just a bit crowded. :rofl:
 
catmandu said:
It took seven years of marriage before we had spent more time together than time apart. Bumps here and there, but now at 26 years and happily counting.
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We hit 36 years last August, and Fran just left half an hour ago for a 2-day horse training clinic leaving me alone to mind the dogs. No worries. :wink2:
 
Pilot isn't the only occupation with long and odd hours, and extended trips away from home. You just have to be with someone that can deal with it, period.
 
Not just pilots - but the IT world is pretty much the same. Got worse when I started a small business. (I finally got my licenses after I realized I was recognizing the pilots flying the RJs I ride almost weekly.) I see the same area sales managers for various companies in the same airports from time to time.

After 25 years, all I can say is it never gets easier. Love, lust or kids only take you so far. In the end her world can not pivot around yours - she has to have her own career. In my case - the wife is an attorney and for fun she has a black belt. Yep, I don't wanna tick her off! But for some reason she hasn't kicked my but and filed a restraining order - even with this pilot thing going as well. Go figure.

This could be a phase you are going through, or she may not be the one. I don't think any of us have the answer, but you are in good company ... if that helps.
 
It sucks being gone. No sugar coating here. That said, it's all we've known since my wife (then new girlfriend) and I met. We are acclimated to the lifestyle.
 
brian];1757595 said:
In the end her world can not pivot around yours
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That really is the key right there and it's incredibly difficult to find a woman that doesn't try to make their life revolve around you. Best to find one that is their own independent person, with their own hobbies, friends, and money. Women like that though don't grow on trees....
 
jesse said:
That really is the key right there and it's incredibly difficult to find a woman that doesn't try to make their life revolve around you. Best to find one that is their own independent person, with their own hobbies, friends, and money. Women like that though don't grow on trees....
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Hard to find someone like that, I agree. I know a guy that's a 135 King Air pilot, flies during the week a couple days and drives a semi one day and home on the weekends, not too bad. Also seems to have a good family life.
 
Bro.... I spent 12 years in the Corps. Try leaving for 6-9 months at a time, not counting the 2-3 week jaunts to the training area.

The right girl may or may not fall into your life. Serious conversations are a must. She must understand your position and be ok with it. When you have a kid, the whole dynamic is turned sideways too.

My current job has me all over the country for weeks to a month-ish at times. She runs the place and knows it. I don't medle in it, and we stay happy to the tune of 20 years now. On occasions she will ask when the next time I'm leaving because I'm getting too deep in the domestic engineering field!!
 
This particular topic has made me think about going professional, I suppose it just depends on the type of flying you do...
 
The guy I bought my bike from dealt with it by quitting and selling motorcycles. The kid probably changed things.
 
Ryanb said:
This particular topic has made me think about going professional, I suppose it just depends on the type of flying you do...
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So true.

Pt 135 on demand job.

I am home every night. Been that way for the last 9 years.

All my pilots are home every night. 7 on, 7 off schedule. One week paid vacation turns into 21 straight days off first year, 2 weeks off second year which could be 5 straight weeks off or 2 three week vacations each year. Plus sick days. If you are sick we don't want you working.

Some of the guys trade shifts and work 14 on, 14 off.

Ok, I am one of the partners in the business but I am still flying the line..... for now. No one complains about their QOL here. I even cook lunch every Saturday. I have 3 ex 121 guys that say they will retire here.

One pilot retired 31DEC14 after more than 30 years. He started with the original owner of the company. Another pilot left last November to go to an airline. He called two weeks ago asking if we still had a position open. It might take him 4 years to get back with us. No pilot positions open at this time.

Just as there are some bad 121 jobs, there are some great 135 jobs.
 
Currently I'm a truck driver and gone a month at a time and back for 4 days, this has been pretty hard to be away for so long (can't compete with 6 months though!) And flight school on the weekends I'm off so I truly only have two days to myself with her in a month. I get time to call and skype, but I'm trying to find a dedicated route to be home every day or so.
seeing that there are so many pilots that are home more really settles my mind.
 
My dad's schedule when he started at a Part 121 airline was awful. Now that he's been at the airline for a while he mostly bids reserve and he is going on his first trip in a month and he loves his schedule.
 
thetoptaco said:
Currently I'm a truck driver and gone a month at a time and back for 4 days, this has been pretty hard to be away for so long (can't compete with 6 months though!) And flight school on the weekends I'm off so I truly only have two days to myself with her in a month. I get time to call and skype, but I'm trying to find a dedicated route to be home every day or so.
seeing that there are so many pilots that are home more really settles my mind.
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That's a horrible schedule. Even being junior at a regional you'd have more time at home than that. You'd make less money for awhile but have more time off. Seems like 10 or 12 days a month off minimum is pretty standard for most regionals.
 
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I recall a lady who said her husband worked aboard a sub. Gone 9 months at a time, no communication. I kinda had to wonder: What's the point? But they stayed together. Well, if you can call that "together."
 
Checkout_my_Six said:
I'm home for dinner everyday at 5.....and I fly every other Saturday. So, it's not all that bad. :D

The tough part is at annual time....sometimes I might have to be at the airport all weekend. :mad2:
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BORING ! Do you change into a sweater and sneakers when you get in ?
 
I tell mine "I'm going flying" and she says "o.k."

That's how we deal with it... :dunno:
 
Zeldman said:
So true.



Pt 135 on demand job.



I am home every night. Been that way for the last 9 years.



All my pilots are home every night. 7 on, 7 off schedule. One week paid vacation turns into 21 straight days off first year, 2 weeks off second year which could be 5 straight weeks off or 2 three week vacations each year. Plus sick days. If you are sick we don't want you working.



Some of the guys trade shifts and work 14 on, 14 off.



Ok, I am one of the partners in the business but I am still flying the line..... for now. No one complains about their QOL here. I even cook lunch every Saturday. I have 3 ex 121 guys that say they will retire here.



One pilot retired 31DEC14 after more than 30 years. He started with the original owner of the company. Another pilot left last November to go to an airline. He called two weeks ago asking if we still had a position open. It might take him 4 years to get back with us. No pilot positions open at this time.



Just as there are some bad 121 jobs, there are some great 135 jobs.
Click to expand...


What is your business (if not the name, what industry are you in? medevac?)
 
The idea that pilots must by default limit their choices to spouses who fundamentally enjoy not having their significant other around, is a complete false dichotomy. As has been pointed out already, an airline pilot who doesn't commute and bids reserve, can potentially have more hours at home with the kid and wife, than a 9-5 guy.

As a military guy currently contemplating his exit strategy, we prefer the airline nature of separation over the military version of separations. We had a heart to heart after one deployment and realized the mil lifestyle didn't work out for our relationship. So she got out, I went training command and we very much enjoy our time together, in spite of seriously hating the hell out of my current duty station. My wife is not a SAHM type and otherwise we don't despise each other, so I'm more than glad to give up the military retirement to get to spend time with my family.

I will say, the arrival of my son has fundamentally galvanized my desire to be able to homestead during these precious gradeschool decades. I don't want to be a stick figure cardboard cutout in his life. Flying airplanes ain't that important to me when juxtaposed to that opportunity cost. Like I said, the lifestyle of a reserve-bidding in-domicile pilot is pretty family friendly, all things considered. To each their own.
 
hindsight2020 said:
an airline pilot who doesn't commute and bids reserve, can potentially have more hours at home with the kid and wife, than a 9-5 guy.
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Its not even close..... the 9-5 guy will lose this one everytime. I would say commuting to a line I am in my home easily 2.5 times more than I was in the 9-5 world. 9-5 is only 8 days off a month...ouch

I know guys on RSV that damn near dequal on landings several times a year, I couldn not stand that...after 5-6 days Im ready to fly
 
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