Lingering Anxiety After Returning to Flying

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D.B. Cole

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D.B. Cole
Good evening, everyone. I returned to flying last year after a thirteen-year layoff after my daughter was born and have found this board to be incredibly valuable. When I stopped flying I had nearly 300 hours as an instrument rated private pilot. I also had a tailwheel endorsement and about ten hours of aerobatic time. My wife had always encouraged me to get back in the air. Nearly two years ago she and my daughter placed money on my FBO account for Father's Day. I think the reason it took me so long to get back in the air was perhaps an element of fear of something happening to me and leaving my family behind, but I also wanted my daughter to be exposed to aviation in a way I wasn't while growing up. My plan was to pursue the commercial rating as a way to regain proficiency.

So last August, on a hot and bumpy 92-degree day, I took back to the air. I will admit that I was pretty nervous and sometimes hoped for reasons to cancel. However, that first flight went well despite the turbulence and the gusty crosswinds. The instructor expected he'd need to take over the landing, but I put in the appropriate sideslip and make a firm but respectable landing. He described my flying as smooth especially given the conditions, and I walked away feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, he reached his 1500 hours shortly thereafter and left the flight school. While waiting to find a new instructor, I discovered a 2021 Super Decathlon nearby and decided to get an aerobatics refresher for good measure. We flew four flights, three aerobatics and one practicing the commercial maneuvers. Overall, my aerobatic flying was pretty solid, and I even added several new maneuvers. Unfortunately, my tailwheel landings were fairly rough on every flight, and I could never get my sight picture quite right, as I seemed to flair too high.

I found a new flight instructor at my flight school who I really liked. She was new to the school but had a great reputation. Our first flight together was also on a bumpy day and the plan was to work on my flight review. After performing maneuvers and various take off and landings, she was confident I was a safe pilot and was comfortable signing me off for the flight review. However, I didn't feel ready because I was still not landing consistently and smoothly as I expected, and I asked her to wait on signing off on the flight review until my landings were good enough to solo again. We've flown twice since and while my flying is fine, I'm still flaring too high. I've gotten to the point where I'm actually somewhat happy when we have to cancel for weather to either avoid the frustration of bad landings, or maybe even worse, getting to a point where I could actually "solo" again. I always feel terrible and like a coward afterwards. When I flew actively, I loved hopping in the plane and flying solo to new airports, especially while working to build XC time for the IR, so I wasn't a pilot who feared flying alone.

I know it's all in my head and it's either a fear of continuing to have disappointing landings, or maybe even the fear of actually succeeding and being in the plane alone again. I apologize for the long rant and life history, but hoping to hear from pilots who've come back after a long layoff who took a while to get comfortable again, or from instructors who've successfully coached said pilots. I know we often read about the pilots who hop back in the plane after 20 years and are ready to solo the same day. Thanks again.
 
How high too high are you flaring? Your instructor was going to sign you off, so she must not have thought your landings were bad; what does she say? As for fixing the issue, you may be looking too close to the airplane; try looking all the way at the far end of the runway.
 
Here’s my opinion, unburdened by any specific qualifications to give same:

1. Your story is not unique. Many have taken long sabbaticals. Mine was 25yrs.
2. I remember shortly after my restart feeling somewhat uncomfortable alone. Where am I going? Why am I up here? What if something goes wrong? But I got over it as I flew more and got more confident.
3. You now have a very different circumstance in life than you did long ago - 2 people on this earth that didn’t exist back then that, unless you’re really unusual and a cold hearted bastage, you care more about in spades more than yourself. Suddenly your own demise means pain and suffering for them and risks are no longer quite as easily taken.
4. Flying, certainly providing utility in most cases, or a profession for some, is still meant to be enjoyed.
5. Do what seems comfortable to you, in your opinion. If that means flying with an instructor until you’re confident you won’t ball it up, then do that. If you’re uncomfortable even with an instructor, maybe you need to take another extended break. (probably until your daughter is old enough to take care of herself at the most basic level).


Go with your gut on this one.
 
Lindberg said:
How high too high are you flaring? Your instructor was going to sign you off, so she must not have thought your landings were bad; what does she say? As for fixing the issue, you may be looking too close to the airplane; try looking all the way at the far end of the runway.
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Hey Lindberg. I do tend to transition to the end of the runway as I'm coming over the threshold. I would estimate in the instances where I'm flaring too high I may drop it in about a foot too high. A few times I've started the round out a second or two late and will balloon it a bit.
 
I used to have similar feelings of anxiety. They never went away completely until I became a CFI and started flying every day. I think there are a few reasons for that. One, my focus was on my student and not myself (in other words, I had other things to "worry" about than the act of flying itself, not to mention a goal to accomplish). Two, I was so busy with back-to-back students all day that I didn't have time to get nervous. Three, I flew so much that flying just became part of my life, like driving a car is to most people.

So how might this help you? I guess, if you decide that you want to keep flying, know that nervousness isn't unusual, that it will be reduced with more experience (or perhaps more importantly, recent experience), and having a goal or other tasks to accomplish, e.g. a $100 burger, pilots-n-paws mission, or whatever, will give your mind other things to focus on.
 
Blatham489 said:
Here’s my opinion, unburdened by any specific qualifications to give same:

1. Your story is not unique. Many have taken long sabbaticals. Mine was 25yrs.
2. I remember shortly after my restart feeling somewhat uncomfortable alone. Where am I going? Why am I up here? What if something goes wrong? But I got over it as I flew more and got more confident.
3. You now have a very different circumstance in life than you did long ago - 2 people on this earth that didn’t exist back then that, unless you’re really unusual and a cold hearted bastage, you care more about in spades more than yourself. Suddenly your own demise means pain and suffering for them and risks are no longer quite as easily taken.
4. Flying, certainly providing utility in most cases, or a profession for some, is still meant to be enjoyed.
5. Do what seems comfortable to you, in your opinion. If that means flying with an instructor until you’re confident you won’t ball it up, then do that. If you’re uncomfortable even with an instructor, maybe you need to take another extended break. (probably until your daughter is old enough to take care of herself at the most basic level).


Go with your gut on this one.
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Very good advice Blatham. Much appreciated!
 
dmspilot said:
I used to have similar feelings of anxiety. They never went away completely until I became a CFI and started flying every day. I think there are a few reasons for that. One, my focus was on my student and not myself (in other words, I had other things to "worry" about than the act of flying itself, not to mention a goal to accomplish). Two, I was so busy with back-to-back students all day that I didn't have time to get nervous. Three, I flew so much that flying just became part of my life, like driving a car is to most people.

So how might this help you? I guess, if you decide that you want to keep flying, know that nervousness isn't unusual, that it will be reduced with more experience (or perhaps more importantly, recent experience), and having a goal or other tasks to accomplish, e.g. a $100 burger, pilots-n-paws mission, or whatever, will give your mind other things to focus on.
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You make a solid point regarding consistency, dmspilot. When I was pursuing my private and instrument I few several times a week. That was also the case between ratings where I would seek out a new aiport at least twice a month. Now between work, family, MX cancellations, and weather it's been hard to even schedule once a week. Today we cancelled due to 30 knot winds, so we decided to do some instrument ground. On Monday we were planning to fly the commercial dual day XC, but the plane went down with a chipped prop today. Last week was another cancellation due to weather.
 
I would suggest your expectations were unrealistic.

We all know that landings are the hardest part of any flight, we all know that student pilots struggle with this the most (this and a dislike of stalls)*. So, why are you surprised that it is taking you longer to get those perishable skills back after they sat unused for 13yrs?

What would you say to a student pilot who is bemoaning they're flaring a bit too high? No doubt you, and I, would say "Landings are hard, it'll come, keep practicing" and we'd feel confident that that would be the case. So why are you not giving yourself the same advice?

Also, if the instructor is ready to sign off, then take the sign off and go practice landings. Perhaps without having an audience you can sort the issue better.

Lest you think I'm one of <those> people who can't sympathize with a large gap in flying, I have had several periods of not flying after getting my PPL, the most recent being 11yrs. So, yeah. I get it.

And welcome back to flying again.


* Yes, yes, there are people who nailed landings from landing one, and absolutely loved stalls. They will self identify shortly.
 
guest user said:
Also, if the instructor is ready to sign off, then take the sign off and go practice landings. Perhaps without having an audience you can sort the issue better.
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Exactly. Is the instructor adding anything to your knowledge of what went wrong on a particular landing? Pick a nice day to fly and. as hard as it is in modern life. take the DAY and commit it to flying. Go find a little used airport and get some landings in. You'll figure it out.

I went out last week with a buddy and did some practice approaches and wish I could have bottled and kept the landings for future use. Alas, I also know that there's less than textbook ones in my future. That's aviating.
 
As mentioned above I’d ease back into it on a good weather day, nice airport. That could be A.M. or P.M., lighter winds.
 
D.B. Cole said:
Hey Lindberg. I do tend to transition to the end of the runway as I'm coming over the threshold. I would estimate in the instances where I'm flaring too high I may drop it in about a foot too high. A few times I've started the round out a second or two late and will balloon it a bit.
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It sounds like you're doing just fine. Get the signoff, go fly. Take your wife up, take your daughter, have fun.
 
I've been flying somewhat consistently for 30 years and still have anxiety about every flight. I will admit that if a flight gets cancelled there is a sense of relief because of it. This has not changed since I started flying. At some point I just accepted that this is a part of who I am and my particular experiences.

My anxiety levels go up with a passenger in the plane. However, I have learned that my anxiety only reaches a certain level. It is manageable. It keeps me focused on doing what I need to make every phase of the flight as safe as possible.

I will never be the guy who gets in the pilot seat and starts telling jokes. I will never be the Bonanza guy who wrote in a post that he only checks the gauges every 15 minutes. I will never be the guy that flies for half an hour without checking for a possible landing site should my engine fail. I will never be the guy that flies at 1000 agl feet for an extended period of time. And I will never be the guy who trusts my airplane.

But, by gawd, the amazing beauty of our world from a small plane is worth every second I get to do it! After 30 years flying still thrills me like the joy of a small child.

There are times when I wish I didn't worry so much about what can go wrong with each flight. In some ways I envy that Bonanza pilot that could relax enough to only check his gauges every 15 minutes. (not bashing Bonanza pilots, the post was real).
 
Thanks to everyone who offered such fantastic advice. I won't clutter the board by responding to each post individually, but they're all appreciated. I agree that my expectations were probably too high and that I expected my current self to be as good at a perishable skill as I was when I flew regularly. We will continue practicing slow flight to help with the landings, and also fly the occasional XC to get used to the G1000 and to knock off some commercial requirements. Most importantly, flying a few XCs will hopefully give me time to enjoy being in the air again without moving immediately from one critical phase of flight to the next.
 
On the issue of flaring too high, here is what I tell my students: On short final, move your eyes to the far end of the runway. See the white paint way down there? Thousand foot markings, or the numbers and threshold paint? When that white paint is starting to disappear, level off (the round out), and when you sense the airplane is sinking start your flare. Try NOT to land by keeping the nose of the airplane in the same position, and you will likely have a nice touchdown.

The key thing is that level off just above the runway, allowing any excess speed to bleed off so you won't balloon when you flare.

Of course, this is a bit harder if you are flying off a grass runway or one that isn't painted.
 
For your flaring too high consider that the seat might need to be adjusted, probably higher. If it’s not adjustable and you're still too low consider a thin pillow..? Good luck!
 
iflyatiger said:
For your flaring too high consider that the seat might need to be adjusted, probably higher. If it’s not adjustable and you're still too low consider a thin pillow..? Good luck!
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I will definitely continue to experiment with the seat height. I used to be able to set it consistently no matter what plane I was flying, but that's also probably a perishable skill. I wore glasses throughout my active years of flying and had Lasik performed in 2013. Unfortunately my vision has degraded back to 20/30 with age, so I often wear distance glasses for greater clarity when driving at night. I'll have to determine whether my landings improve with glasses on.
 
It's pure speculation, but you might want to consider the possibility that this anxiety may not be as directly tied to your flying skills as it seems, and that maybe pilots aren't the right professionals to analyze the issue . . .

Maybe a long shot, but worth thinking about.
 
I am similar to @Lndwarrior in that I've had these anxious thoughts before flying since starting lessons in 1992. Unlike Lndwarrior in that I did have a 11-12 year layoff recently.

I also agree with @dbahn and would guess you are anxious about other things, not just flying. When considering the professional advice he recommends - be very cautious about meds. There are other ways to lesson anxious thoughts that don't impact your medical (many times).

I didn't read your post as looking for advice on flaring high, but more the anxious thoughts. I'll add, for me, I ended up with an 8 hr BFR and then a short time later a 5-hr club checkout.

I overheard the CFI tell the club president something very positive about my landings and that he was good with me after the first few landings in flight 1 but knew I wasn't confident so was taking queues from me on the sign off.

Go with the CFI a bit more. Ultimately I bit the bullet and went by myself, after canceling a few times. I did a crazy thorough pre flight. Triple checked everything taxid slowly looking for ANYTHING to be out of place. Once those wheels broke ground the worry sort of left or at least was transferred to focus.

Until the next flight. But about 4-5 solo flights in my preflight is more focused. Taxi run up is more efficient. I'm still nervous. I don't fly enough. But it did get better. I still take longer than probably anyone else in the club (and maybe on this board) to get that girl opened, untied, preflighted and eventually airborn. But it's better.

I hope you stick with it.
 
I think we need to distinguish between anxiousness and anxiety. It's perfectly normal to be anxious about new things. Even though you are an experienced pilot it's a new thing because you haven't done it in a very long time. And getting rid of your instructor again is tantamount to another first solo. I don't know about anyone else, but my first solo still stands out in my mind as one of the scariest moments of my life.

Even more recently, when I was learning to tow gliders, after maybe 5 flights over the course of a couple months, my CFI/friend/airplane owner who was training me, signed me off and said I was good to go. Only three flights are required for the sign off, and honestly it's not that difficult a thing to do (in retrospect) But at that point I only had about 20 hours in the Super Cub, and I just wasn't super comfortable yet. So the next time I went to tow, I asked if she would stay with me for a couple of tows. After the first one that day, she told me she was getting out, because it was a waste of time.

I asked if she would just hang out for a few more, until I felt like I could really do it on my own. She asked what difference I thought it made if she was in the backseat, and did I think she would ride back there if she wasn't absolutely certain that I was ready? I said it just gave me a little more confidence knowing that if she saw me screw anything up, she could take over. She said, "Do you realize this airplane has no stick in the backseat?"

Sometimes we have to accept "yes" for an answer. Your instructor is more objective about your skills than you are. That doesn't mean blind trust or deference to her opinion, but let her faith in you build your confidence and quiet your own fear.
 
With regards to your landings, have your instructor demonstrate when to level off, then when the flare should occur, so that you can get the proper sight picture. I take the student right to the level off, then the flare, then the touchdown.

As for the nervousness or anxiety, that should go away with proficiency or as you become more confident. Just keep flying and having fun!
 
Get a boat? If I ever found myself digging my heels against some sort of incorrect self-image I had of myself, I'd want to pause and reflect in a big way.

Reading your write-up made ME anxious and it sounds like hell. There's got to be some other vocation that will be enjoyable AND challenging?
 
Lindberg said:
I asked if she would just hang out for a few more, until I felt like I could really do it on my own. She asked what difference I thought it made if she was in the backseat, and did I think she would ride back there if she wasn't absolutely certain that I was ready? I said it just gave me a little more confidence knowing that if she saw me screw anything up, she could take over. She said, "Do you realize this airplane has no stick in the backseat?"
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In the Pawnee there's no stick in the back seat because there isn't even a seat in the back. :)
 
dbahn said:
In the Pawnee there's no stick in the back seat because there isn't even a seat in the back. :)
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I haven't towed in a Pawnee, but I'd definitely feel much more comfortable doing that now. A friend of mine started from scratch towing in a Pawnee, and I just wouldn't have been comfortable.

For the record, the super cub I did my first few tows in did have a stick in the backseat. It just happened to have been removed in the one we took up that day.
 
Terry M - 3CK (Chicago) said:
Ultimately I bit the bullet and went by myself, after canceling a few times. I did a crazy thorough pre flight. Triple checked everything taxid slowly looking for ANYTHING to be out of place. Once those wheels broke ground the worry sort of left or at least was transferred to focus.
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This is how I deal with feeling anxious. I've been flying since 2010, with no long breaks. But before becoming an owner, some of those years were pretty sparse, and I felt like I was constantly "getting back into flying." My long preflight starts on the drive to the airport, envisioning how the flight is going to play out. As I get closer I'll start looking at flag poles and trees, what's the wind like, which runway are they probably using? Just start getting into that pilot mindset as soon as possible. Then I'll take my sweet time doing the actual walk arounds/getting the plane ready.

And the big key for me: hopefully I'm alone for all of this. If I'm taking passengers I try to have them meet me at least 30 min after I get there. If we all come together I'll ask them to go on a coffee run, or try to set them up in the lounge or something. I'm not flying every day so I need some time to "become a pilot again," and have the confidence come back. If I'm feeling anxious at home I tell myself to just go to the airport. I can always tie the plane back down if it doesn't feel right. So far I haven't needed to do that.
 
ServoB17 said:
My long preflight starts on the drive to the airport, envisioning how the flight is going to play out. As I get closer I'll start looking at flag poles and trees, what's the wind like, which runway are they probably using?
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That's a good idea, and so is getting a weather briefing before leaving home. Briefer will give you the latest winds as well as the forecast.
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
That's a good idea, and so is getting a weather briefing before leaving home. Briefer will give you the latest winds as well as the forecast.
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On the way to the airport I use speed dial on my cellphone and ask FSS if there is any significant change in the forecast but more importantly if there are any NOTAMs for the flight. It never hurts to have it on their record that you checked, and NOTAMs can pop up quickly sometimes.
 
Thought of your post today. Had some time I was stealing from work to go up in the Chicago area. Had perfect wx earlier this week but had to work.

Today I was going to go up, anyway, even if for an hour to get it in the books.

Well - we have a winter storm watch. So last night I figured it would be a scrub so didn't plan much. This morning, IMC N and NW of me. Looks dark and overcast at my house, but immediate airports are Vmc. South is a huge winter storm with ice precip Turb and winds.

But I'm in this little wx bubble in the middle. So I go to the airport. The winds pick up to mid teens but just off the runway.

The plane has minimal fuel so I have to order fuel, but it's going in for annual soon and we were asked to keep min fuel because the tanks are being resealed at annual. There was about 10 gallons in there. I was going to order 15. I've never gotten fuel in the tie downs at this airport.

Plane was tightly tied down by the club president just yesterday. Storm coming. I've only tied the plane down maybe 4x? I've always rented and was in a hangar so . . . What if my not slips or is too loose?

Wind picked up a bit while there. Plane rocking a bit in the tie downs as I check fuel etc. So I just scrubbed it.

Now I'm kicking myself. Doable flight.

I was nervous about flying with only 25 gallons of fuel (sounds dumb typing it). Renting we always had full tanks. With the club I've always had at least 35 gallons at take off. I was worried about having a safe margin given the nearby weather and temp/dew points. I was also worried about asking the line guy to come over and put 7 on the left and 8 on the right . . . If there was self serve I would have done it.

I was also worried about the MX officer being ticked if I was the guy that left a lot of excess fuel in there to be dumped at annual.

Tie downs - I was worried something would happen with the wind / rain / snow coming and now it's my fault. Experienced guy (club president) just tied it down yesterday - I didn't want to screw that up.

WX - temp / dew pts were within 1 or 0 yet we had good vis and high ceilings. Few lower clouds. IMC within 15 miles N and NW but VMC South despite the T/D. I didn't want to go up and get blocked coming back in or something stupid.

I need to fly more regularly. Today I chickened out, which is never bad, except that it is very flyable right now. This builds on my "not going" experience. I've already got that move down. I need to build on the "check it out and return if uncomfortable" move.

But I'm not quitting. I'll get back up. Thinking of just scheduling every Wednesday morning and going through the motions. Used to be money that grounded me. Now it's time/family obligations that prevent going. So maybe I'll jut around and do some to/lndgs the next several Wednesdays (except next when the plane is already booked).
 
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I usually try to fly at least once a week but life's challenges had kept me out of the sky for nearly a month. When I don't fly for a longer period of time I tend to have a bit of trepidation. I did a through preflight and watched as the winds blew mostly down the runway nearly at my personal limits (March winds are here).

Soon enough though I lit off the six banger GM engine and rolled the power on and left the earth via runway 23. A few bumps but not much at all to deal with and the airplane performed flawlessly. About 30 minutes of air work and a beautiful short field landing later my confidence was lifted again.

The answer for me is to fly as often as possible. It's also great to take an instructor along as someone who can not only keep you safe but correct anything that you may have gotten slack about ...
 
@Daleandee did you do steep turns, stalls, turns on a point etc.?

Was that your plan ahead of time? I think planing for me is big. If I had put more effort into planning the flight I would have been a bit more confident.
 
Terry M - 3CK (Chicago) said:
@Daleandee did you do steep turns, stalls, turns on a point etc.?

Was that your plan ahead of time? I think planing for me is big. If I had put more effort into planning the flight I would have been a bit more confident.
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I really had no plan (sometimes I just wing it) but I did "go over" a friends house. A few turns, slight and steep, climbs, glides, and a slow approach to short field landing that required power in the flare. Would have stayed longer but rain was in the area and coming my way ...
 
Terry M - 3CK (Chicago) said:
Thought of your post today. Had some time I was stealing from work to go up in the Chicago area. Had perfect wx earlier this week but had to work.

Today I was going to go up, anyway, even if for an hour to get it in the books.

Well - we have a winter storm watch. So last night I figured it would be a scrub so didn't plan much. This morning, IMC N and NW of me. Looks dark and overcast at my house, but immediate airports are Vmc. South is a huge winter storm with ice precip Turb and winds.

But I'm in this little wx bubble in the middle. So I go to the airport. The winds pick up to mid teens but just off the runway.

The plane has minimal fuel so I have to order fuel, but it's going in for annual soon and we were asked to keep min fuel because the tanks are being resealed at annual. There was about 10 gallons in there. I was going to order 15. I've never gotten fuel in the tie downs at this airport.

Plane was tightly tied down by the club president just yesterday. Storm coming. I've only tied the plane down maybe 4x? I've always rented and was in a hangar so . . . What if my not slips or is too loose?

Wind picked up a bit while there. Plane rocking a bit in the tie downs as I check fuel etc. So I just scrubbed it.

Now I'm kicking myself. Doable flight.

I was nervous about flying with only 25 gallons of fuel (sounds dumb typing it). Renting we always had full tanks. With the club I've always had at least 35 gallons at take off. I was worried about having a safe margin given the nearby weather and temp/dew points. I was also worried about asking the line guy to come over and put 7 on the left and 8 on the right . . . If there was self serve I would have done it.

I was also worried about the MX officer being ticked if I was the guy that left a lot of excess fuel in there to be dumped at annual.

Tie downs - I was worried something would happen with the wind / rain / snow coming and now it's my fault. Experienced guy (club president) just tied it down yesterday - I didn't want to screw that up.

WX - temp / dew pts were within 1 or 0 yet we had good vis and high ceilings. Few lower clouds. IMC within 15 miles N and NW but VMC South despite the T/D. I didn't want to go up and get blocked coming back in or something stupid.

I need to fly more regularly. Today I chickened out, which is never bad, except that it is very flyable right now. This builds on my "not going" experience. I've already got that move down. I need to build on the "check it out and return if uncomfortable" move.

But I'm not quitting. I'll get back up. Thinking of just scheduling every Wednesday morning and going through the motions. Used to be money that grounded me. Now it's time/family obligations that prevent going. So maybe I'll jut around and do some to/lndgs the next several Wednesdays (except next when the plane is already booked).
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Making a logical decision based on factors is SMART.

Maybe some of your concerns were not fully founded, but they ARE YOUR CONCERNS. Several of them would be red flags to many pilots. Scrubbing at flight is ALWAYS the right decision.

As the old saying goes, it is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying than to be flying and wishing you were on the ground.
 
M2C

After that long away, you're going to need training. The problem might be you're comparing yourself to the fictional person who jumps right back in after 10 years off. That's not even close to normal.

Maybe just fly with the CFI in the pattern for 30 or so landings. Over and over. Desensitize yourself to the mindset of hitting the runway and flaring too late. Break the pattern and landing into small pieces (Jobs to be Done) and work on each part.
 
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