License to Learn - Never Again. Nut roasting fail.

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
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Snorting his way across the USA
Chestnuts.

A buddy of me scored a huge bag of Chestnuts picked from his buddy's Chestnut tree (whoda thunk, I ain't even know they grew in California.) So he gave me a bag.

My experience with Chestnuts is, well, nil. I know you roast them over an open fire yada yada. He said just make sure to take a knife and poke a hole in each one or they will explode. Exploding nuts? That's odd.

But that's what I was going to do, roast them over an open fire. I took care to put a little "x" slit in each one. When it came time to roast them, I discovered I didn't have nearly enough room on the barbecue grill to accommodate them so I cooked them in the oven instead. Put a spare bbq grill on the oven grill and put them all on there. Hmmm, what temperature to use? Normally roasted over an open fire. Probably should be pretty hot. 450 degrees should do it. All was well, until about 20 minutes later. Pop. One went pop. That's odd. Came back a few minutes later. BLAM!!!!!

Holy crap this was a huge explosion! Back in the 1970's, there was a really bad movie that was made called "Scanners." It was about a small group of people that could use their psychic powers to make other people's head explode, making a horrible mess of whatever location they happened to be in. Well my Chestnuts were being SCANNED!

Then all hell broke loose and it was like popcorn on steroids, but at an epic nuclear level. I hastily shut the oven down. The inside of the oven was pure carnage, it was if you took several squirrels, packed each one of their heads with explosives and simultaneously set them all off. I don't know exactly what exploded squirrel brains look like but it has to be pretty close to what the inside of the oven looked like.

I know, I know, I already know the first comment. "Why didn't you Google chestnuts before cooking them?" I try to be SOMEWHAT non reliant on GPS, the Internet, instructions, etc...

Of the remaining Chestnuts that survived the ordeal intact, I can only say that their properties were unlike any nuts I have eaten before. They had a soft consistency and pliable shell. I don't what squirrel brains cooked in the skull are like but I have to imagine they are fairly close in consistency to Chestnuts, if not in taste.

This was one of those once in a lifetime events - I really don't need to do it again. Sort of like riding the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland. For anyone contemplating stirring up Christmas cheer by roasting Chestnuts, I'm going to advise that they aren't all that. If you must do so, be advised they are an outdoor toy.
 
Wow, all I can say is that I am glad I didn't have a mouth full of coffee when I read your post. That is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Hopefully the chestnuts (aka squirell brains) are easy to clean up...
 
Wow, just wow.




:D
 
(*spit take*)

I'm still laughing!
 
I'm laughing so hard, it brought tears to my eyes! hahaha.

Thanks for sharing!
 
There was a thread a few years ago where many of us admitted to doing some really silly stuff, usually with explosives, when we were younger. Amazing destructive creativity these pilots have. I think this would qulaify. :D
 
That is FUNNY! Sorry for the mess, but it sounds funny from this end. And, I'll second Teller's question. How much wine was involved in this experiment? :D
 
How much, and what type of wine do you pair with exploding nuts?
 
Heh heh, in my experience, excessive wine is not conducive to exploding nuts, but for those that must know, my pre-roasting tasting session consisted of a bottle of Perry Creek Zinman (El Dorado Hills.) The post roasting tasting session consisted of a bottle of Nine X Nine Zinfandel (Lodi.) Both, good local Zinfandels with an alcohol content approaching 15%. Tonight's tasting session will consist of a couple bottles of "Seven Deadly Zins", also a Lodi wine. For some odd reason, Lodi is a microclimate amonst a valley otherwise known for foul table grapes and cheap ass wines like Gallo and Carlos Rossi (which has been immortalized by E40 in a rap song.)

The appropriate wine pairing for said Chestnuts would however be a more rodential varietal of lighter color such as Viognier or god forbid Gewurztraminer. Me though I generally dislike white wines so I generally go for the Zins or the Cabs. I'd chug a bottle of Carlos Rossi before drinking a $30 bottle of Chardonnay.
 
^^^^^^

Just down to eating nuts with the wine now? How much do you weigh?

:D:D:D

BTW, your posts are hilarious.
 
Last Christmas I noticed they were selling chestnuts for roasting in the grocery store. I thought about giving it a whirl this year. Thank you, I hate cleaning ovens.

John
 
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thanks for your honesty... Most people would not fess up to a colossal failure....

So.. I guess the next question is ..:dunno:
What is the proper way to roast chestnuts ..:dunno::dunno::idea:

Ben.
 
N801BH said:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thanks for your honesty... Most people would not fess up to a colossal failure....

So.. I guess the next question is ..:dunno:
What is the proper way to roast chestnuts ..:dunno::dunno::idea:

Ben.
Click to expand...
:idea: In the Microwave :D
 
The whole "squirrel brain" thing got me thinking about when I was first dating my wife. I'm a city boy - chicken comes on a styrofoam tray wrapped in plastic, etc., you get the picture.

Anyway, it's the first visit to my eventual wife's parents house, so I'm on my best behavior and for the most part, trying not to make an ass out of myself when asked to do farm chores. My wife and I decide to go out later that night and we hit the local bar. In the morning, I'm a little hung over, but trying to make the best of it in front of my girlfriend's parents. Turns out my (soon to be) brother-in-law went out hunting the day before and shot a squirrel, which I find out happens to be my (soon to be) father-in-law's favorite breakfast!

My (soon to be) mother-in-law (an absolute saint) had cut up and fried up the squirrel like a chicken and it was on a platter with the bacon, sausage, eggs, and so on. The squirrel head was there too, teeth and all, "grinning" at me as they passed the platter. Needless to say, in my hung over state, I passed on the squirrel parts, and took a few pieces of the "regular" breakfast fare.

The platter eventually moved to my father-in-law, who grabbed the head with gusto, cracked open the skull with practiced ease, and ate the brains in one scoop of the spoon!

Needless to say, this city boy got a "baptism of fire" to the country life.

Didn't puke, though, so it worked out all right, I eventually learned "the farm life," married the "farmer's daughter" and really got to admire my father-in-law, but what a first impression!
 
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C'mon Sac you need to start pairing your wines with more, ahhh, interesting fare.

TNT, Nitro, Plastique, Estes Rockets, Chinese fireworks (light fuse, get away), Italian Women.....


:devil:
 
I have to bring this thread back to life. My fiance and I tried roasting chestnuts in the oven. I completely forgot about this thread. We heard a pop or two and pulled them out.

They were sitting on the counter and kept popping! They were loud. We had chestnut pieces flying 20 feet across the room. It was then I remembered this thread.
 
ajstoner21 said:
I have to bring this thread back to life. My fiance and I tried roasting chestnuts in the oven. I completely forgot about this thread. We heard a pop or two and pulled them out.

They were sitting on the counter and kept popping! They were loud. We had chestnut pieces flying 20 feet across the room. It was then I remembered this thread.
Click to expand...

That would be approximately thirty seconds too late!
 
ajstoner21 said:
I have to bring this thread back to life. My fiance and I tried roasting chestnuts in the oven. I completely forgot about this thread. We heard a pop or two and pulled them out.

They were sitting on the counter and kept popping! They were loud. We had chestnut pieces flying 20 feet across the room. It was then I remembered this thread.
Click to expand...

Don't say I didn't try to warn appropriately.....
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
I was once told that you could "hard boil" eggs in the microwave if you poked a hole through the shell first.

That's not true.
Click to expand...

Did you put them in water? Just askin'. I do know you can poach them in the nuke if you pierce the yolks.

OTOH, I still cook mine the old fashoned way.
 
Norman said:
Did you put them in water? Just askin'. I do know you can poach them in the nuke if you pierce the yolks.

OTOH, I still cook mine the old fashoned way.
Click to expand...
No water, I just poked the shells, not the yoke. And I am not going to try again.

BTW - a heavy glass bowl over a couple eggs to contain the mess "just in case" doesn't work.
 
Never do fresh fish in the micro..Don't ask me how I know.
 
Tom-D said:
Never do fresh fish in the micro..Don't ask me how I know.
Click to expand...

This was actually a conversation that happened in our breakroom:

"How do you get the smell of pizza sauce out of your microwave oven?"

"Cook some fish in it."
 
Sac Arrow said:
This was actually a conversation that happened in our breakroom:

"How do you get the smell of pizza sauce out of your microwave oven?"

"Cook some fish in it."
Click to expand...


I used to work with a couple of Vietnamese guys. The stuff they microwaved did tend to linger.
 
Sac Arrow said:
This was actually a conversation that happened in our breakroom:

"How do you get the smell of pizza sauce out of your microwave oven?"

"Cook some fish in it."
Click to expand...

Burning some popcorn in it will work too. That smell comes out of the unit every time it's turned on for months!
 
jsstevens said:
Burning some popcorn in it will work too. That smell comes out of the unit every time it's turned on for months!
Click to expand...

I put in a brand new microwave at my last house and the first thing my wife cooked in it was a bag of popcorn. It has a popcorn button that cooks the popcorn in less than 2 minutes. She put it on 6 minutes and walked away. At about 5 minutes in I walked in from the garage and thought the house was on fire. Luckily the smell only lasted about 6 months but there was a brown ring around the inside from the smoke spewing out of the bag.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4
 
MAKG1 said:
Steel wool is fun if you don't mind tossing the microwave afterward.
Click to expand...
CDs / DVDs give a nice light show for about 10 seconds. Doesn't seem to hurt the microwave.

Back in the olden days, the school put a microwave in the dorm kitchen. We all stood around looking at it - ohhhing and ahhhing. Then someone asked - what can it do? Someone else said they are good for baked potatoes and ran to get one. Next question was "how long?". "A baked potato takes at least an hour." "OK". Put it in, twisted the dial to the end...

It looked like a lump of charcoal.
 
And for gosh sake, don't use it to dry the cat after a bath. Kitty will be PO'd. :hairraise:
 
All this stuff is a whole lot more fun if you can get your hands on one of those Amana Radaranges from the late 60s, and especially the earlier commercial variants.

My grandmother had one of those in her house. I'm surprised all of us grandkids don't glow in the dark.
 
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