Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Old Doc Geezer


An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young : "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"

Dr. Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from Box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young : 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer : "Congratulations!

You've got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young : "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer : "Nurse, please bring medicine from Box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr. Young : "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer : "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young : "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"

Dr. Geezer : "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young : "But this is only $10!"

Dr. Geezer : "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."



Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.
 
3fdf4d7aabc8377fc706ce995a61a61c.jpg
 
Back in college I was a straight A student.... Never studied either. Just filled in all of the "A" bubbles on the testing sheet....
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."



A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry, "replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."



A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are identical twins."

"If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal"
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to buy an airplane." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says, "Sure" and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you. He wants to borrow $30,000 to buy an airplane and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's is a Rolling Stone."
 
Estée Lauder has introduced a new scent for the wheelchair crowd.... It’s called
”You’ll never walk cologne”
 
From the fellow who has the best song about toast...

 
Fred and Emma were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Fred suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Emma promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Emma's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Emma the news she said, 'Emma, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Fred hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Emma replied: 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
 
AggieMike88 said:
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
<snip>
Click to expand...

The best one of these will always be Nate the Snake.

I would post it directly, but I ran into the @denverpilot filter (hah - speaking of Nate).
upload_2020-8-6_16-56-35.png

Anyway, here is the story:
https://natethesnake.com/

Try to resist skipping to the end...
 
When you only have enough money to afford the facade...

upload_2020-8-7_22-15-45.png
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top