Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

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BLONDE
Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one of the best -- because it makes football make sense!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but
I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo?
It's only 25 cents!!!!"
 
This bank's got a loan officer named Mr. Paddywack. One day a frog walks in and says to him, "I need to borrow some money for a building project."

"Well, do you have any collateral to put up?"

The frog pulls out this miniature ceramic elephant, "I've got this."

"I don't think that's going to do it," says the loan officer.

"Well," says the frog, "my father happens to be Mick Jagger. Does that help?"

The loan officer says, "Okay give me that elephant and I'll go ask my supervisor." He walks into his boss's office, tells him what's going on and shows him the elephant and the boss says....













"It's a nick nack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
 
Moses comes off of the mountain and the first guy he sees is an atheist.

"Would you like a commandment?" He asks

"No" says the atheist "I'm not into that stuff."

So he walks a bit farther and sees an agnostic.

"Would you like a commandment?" He asks

"No" says the agnostic "I can't be sure if it would help or not."

So he walks a bit farther and there stands a Jew.

"Would you like a commandment?" He asks

"Sure" says the Jew "how much are they?"

"Free" says Moses.

"In that case I'll take TEN of them!!"
 
Rushie said:
"It's a nick nack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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omg- you, ma’am are banned from my thread!
Just kidding - I shared that with my entire family on Messenger!
(I wanted to hear them groan, too!)
 
One night at Cheers, Cliff explained to his buddy, Norm:
"Well, ya see, Normmy, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!”
 
Guy laying on the bed reminds me of my neighbor. He's of the hairy chest, gold chain, 280Z/IROC Camaro genre.
 
Bill Jennings said:
Guy laying on the bed reminds me of my neighbor. He's of the hairy chest, gold chain, Z28/IROC Camaro genre.
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FIFY... lumping a 280Z together with a Camaro is sacrilege... the older Datsun Z cars were true sports cars, not beloved by the hairy chest gold chain muscle car crowd.
 
Z28 was a Camaro variant, not the same as 280Z
 
Alabama sports car.
Dana said:
FIFY... lumping a 280Z together with a Camaro is sacrilege... the older Datsun Z cars were true sports cars, not beloved by the hairy chest gold chain muscle car crowd.
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Z28 is a Camaro, not a Datsun/Nissan product like the 240Z and later models.
 
Hang 4 said:
Z28 was a Camaro variant, not the same as 280Z
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Of course, but both the 280Z and the Z28/IROC crowd were the hairy chest unbuttoned shirt gold chain crowd. They were a similar animal.
 
I once confused the heck out of the young stud at Autozone by asking for a 28 ounce water pump for a Datsun.

After many minutes of furious typing on the keyboard, he gave up and asked to see the scrap of paper I was reading from...

Mike... Please get a Datsun 28 oz water pump​
 
mscard88 said:
Z28 is a Camaro, not a Datsun/Nissan product like the 240Z and later models.
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That was my point.

Bill Jennings said:
Of course, but both the 280Z and the Z28/IROC crowd were the hairy chest unbuttoned shirt gold chain crowd. They were a similar animal.
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Not in my experience, the Datsun Z car attracted traditional sports car types who may have owned an MG in the past. The hairy chest gold chain crowd wouldn't be caught dead on a Japanese car back then.

Later on, when Datsun became Nissan they softened the ride and added an "X" to the model designation, then the demographic changed.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Really? Plenty of people here would call me a liberal, but I thought it was pretty funny BECAUSE of that.
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I don’t think I’ve ever found anything on SNL funny and this is no exception. (Nothing to do with the politics in it - just don’t like that format).
 
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