I’m on the backside of 30 and back on my own

Huckster79

Huckster79

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Huckster79
sorry guys just gotta say it- not our normal topic...

But I’m in the backside of 30 and back on my own... after 7+ years Kendra n I tearfully called it quits... been a struggle all 7 years but reguardless of how tough it was we loved each other. She just couldn’t do it anymore. I understand... but I’m crushed n heartbroken - didn’t think I’d have to deal w this crap again :( forgot how much it sucks!

I think tonight calls for a bottle of wine n old country music then pull up the boot straps and get on with life...
 
Sorry to hear. Surround yourself with friends or other family, or immerse yourself in your hobbies, or work.
 
455 Bravo Uniform said:
Sorry to hear. Surround yourself with friends or other family, or immerse yourself in your hobbies, or work.
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Nah, sometimes you have to get messed up as a moon chicken. Drown your woes. Roll out a barrel for one... Just don't keep doing it.

Then you can move on.

Good luck.
 
Fiveslide said:
Nah, sometimes you have to get messed up as a moon chicken. Drown your woes. Roll out a barrel for one... Just don't keep doing it.

Then you can move on.

Good luck.
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That’s always been my style... embrace that heartache and feel it for all it is, then move on, cuz no sense of wasting daylight wallowing long.

No one cries harder at a funeral than me- but weeks later when others are still tearey eyed all the time I’m usually doing pretty good.
 
Huckster79 said:
That’s always been my style... embrace that heartache and feel it for all it is, then move on, cuz no sense of wasting daylight wallowing long.

No one cries harder at a funeral than me- but weeks later when others are still tearey eyed all the time I’m usually doing pretty good.
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How bout a little Guy Clark...

 
Dang... sorry to hear this.

Life is complicated at times. Hang in there.
 
To comments about spending time n money on the hobby;

Oh yea this may get Shirley, my plane, some VG’s. Yup definitely gunna be burning more lowlead in near future- maybe not today or tomorrow but fuel bill will definitely be going up now!

I’m lucky I got back into flying when I did, last November, I’ve rekindled and made a lot of new friends at the airport... so I’ll keep busy after today n maybe tomorrow... there’s another old country song to play after all the sad ones, “ya can’t keep a good man down”.
 
Sounds like you got a great plan and already a well traveled girl in your life!!
 
stick with the plan,good luck.
 
kgruber said:
The fantastic kids I have today wouldn't be alive except for an earlier divorce!!
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Same here. There were times I regretted not “sticking it out for the kids” in my first marriage. But then Kendra and I had a lil guy 3 years ago and that changed that fast!

No more kids for me tho unless the doc did something terribly wrong!

But that still does not negate your point- it is a good one.
 
I am still friends and business partners with my ex. It can be done, but you do need some space for a while and don't let things get nasty. Stuff can be replaced and isn't worth fighting over. The best thing for the kids is to keep it as civil as possible. For our divorce, we actually shared a lawyer and had pre-agreed on everything.
 
Sorry to hear you're going through this. Perhaps some free (i.e. worthless) advice for moving forward.
Huckster79 said:
...been a struggle all 7 years but reguardless of how tough it was we loved each other.
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You often hear relationship counselors and also lots of couples say things like relationships are lots of work and that they take effort yada yada yada. And similar to yours, every relationship I ever had was a struggle. Right up until I met my wife.

When her and I got together it was positively effortless and has been that way pretty much ever since. In 15 years I think we've had maybe half a dozen disagreements. Disagreements, not fights. We've had exactly zero fights in that time. Without a doubt we are a very good match and I'm extremely lucky to have her.

The point is I don't think I would have believed it if someone had told me, it but I now know that its possible to find someone who is a perfect match. And when you find that person, relationships become almost effortless. Now that I've experienced it, I could not imagine settling for anything less in a partner. Food for thought.
 
Sorry for the turmoil and loss.

But . . . If backside of 30 means not yet 40, embrace the next chapter! Absolutely be there equally for all your kids, from first and current wife. Make that a priority.

Then fly, bike, boat, lift, vacation your ass off. You’ve done the married thing. You’re a dad. Now live life.

This is a great opportunity (but be a dad to all of your children first priority equally).
 
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Go slow, don't rebound. It's like a badly sprained ankle; much worse than a clean break, and a much longer recovery. It'll get a little better each week, with a few emotional back-slides now and then. Have some fun, socially, keep it light, relaxed.

There are a lot of things to fill your time, and strike you with awe - all good things don't have to be shared with an intimate other; shoot, some of the best ones can't be shared - walk those roads alone, builds some inner resolve, strngth, peace.
 
Between that and John Conlee's other great song "Rose Colored Glasses", it doesn't get much sadder.
 
It sucks big time, and I am sorry for you.

It happened to me when my wife up and left me. My prime directive until I got my feet back under me was to not let this event impact the kids. Well, obviously it did but the objective was to minimize the impact.

The message here is that when I was ready, I met a woman who is now my wife. So much better in every way than the first one. Even my kids love her! I am truly blessed!

Hang in there! Lean on your friends!

-Skip
 
John221us said:
I am still friends and business partners with my ex. It can be done, but you do need some space for a while and don't let things get nasty. Stuff can be replaced and isn't worth fighting over. The best thing for the kids is to keep it as civil as possible. For our divorce, we actually shared a lawyer and had pre-agreed on everything.
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My ex and I did the same, we didn’t even use an attorney actually- we worked it out on a legal pad, but there was nothing to fight over, we had just went out of biz and were in bankruptcy, I figured that was good timing :) I get along great with her n her husband, he’s a super step dad...

Kendra and I had no assets together so that part ez...
 
Terry M - 3CK (Chicago) said:
Sorry for the turmoil and loss.

But . . . If backside of 30 means not yet 40, embrace the next chapter! Absolutely be there equally for all your kids, from first and current wife. Make that a priority.

Then fly, bike, boat, lift, vacation your ass off. You e done the married thing. You’re a dad. Now live life.

This is a great opportunity (but be a dad to all of your children first priority equally).
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Absolutely! I put off first divorce till I was confident she would agree to 50/50 as I couldn’t cope with less... I love being a dad and I don’t think I’m half bad at it :)

I wasn’t ready for paperwork again so none of that this time...
 
I haven’t been there, but have dabbled around the edges. People change over time, extreme change can occur.

I will agree, flying & airports is great ‘therapy’. There are times when a handful of IPAs are called for, nothing wrong about it. As most know, heavy drinking isn’t the best long term solution.

I’d be marking a few airplane getaways on your calendar right now.
 
Huckster79 said:
Same here. There were times I regretted not “sticking it out for the kids” in my first marriage. But then Kendra and I had a lil guy 3 years ago and that changed that fast!
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Your children should not have to go between the parents, like every week with joint custody.
The kids should have the house as their home and the PARENTS should go IN one week/month and OUT the next.
 
kgruber said:
Your children should not have to go between the parents, like every week with joint custody.
The kids should have the house as their home and the PARENTS should go IN one week/month and OUT the next.
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My parents had joint custody and I went in between homes each week and ended up okay. One data point
 
As long as you don’t use your kids as leverage against your ex, I’m sure it will work out fine. Your ex may get irate, but the ones who will truly resent you will be your children later on in life.

I’m fairly certain my wife would go all axe-murderer on me if I asked for a divorce, lol. Last thing I’d see is her standing over me saying, “Here’s your divorce!” Luckily our relationship is great and it honestly hasn’t been much to work at, we rarely get into heated arguments, much less fights.

Just take it one day at a time and keep yourself busy for a few months with work/hobbies. You’ll be fine, but if you get down, just confide in a friend or counselor to get it off your chest.
 
Ive heard about the family house as Base for the children once IRL. They shared the non base pad also, which is just weird.

Really expensive to maintain 3 vs 2 homes and limits your ability as a parent to move on.

It sounds great for the kids, but I don’t see how that practically works.
 
I'll take lonely over miserable, it's easier to fix. Hang in there brother, you got this.
 
Make sure you get the custody worked out perfect and in the papers (and make sure she follows it), especially if you have a half way meet spot to drop/pickup kids. I've seen too many guys get screwed by an ex because she doesn't want to drive that weekend and demands he come pick them up or he doesn't get them. And not wanting to be the bad guy, they give in to her demands.
 
overdrive148 said:
My parents had joint custody and I went in between homes each week and ended up okay. One data point
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Mom had custody, but I was already in college and out of state, so it really didn’t matter. Dad lived around the corner and I had keys to both houses when I was in town.
 
JB1842 said:
Make sure you get the custody worked out perfect and in the papers (and make sure she follows it), especially if you have a half way meet spot to drop/pickup kids. I've seen too many guys get screwed by an ex because she doesn't want to drive that weekend and demands he come pick them up or he doesn't get them. And not wanting to be the bad guy, they give in to her demands.
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Not the right attitude. Work it out, for the sake of the kids. It really isn't worth fighting over this stuff. There will be give and take. If you can't work it out, the people who suffer is the kids (not your ex, by you proving to your ex that you are stronger and more right). Fortunately for my son and I, both my ex and I agreed on this concept and put our son first.
 
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