My first lesson was 5/20, so about 2 months ago. I had previously passed the written, done some air work working on tracking vor & ils, power settings, and timed turns. I had about 40hrs xc time. I have 37 hours instrument time as of today, with a mock checkride with a different instructor scheduled tomorrow. My instructor thinks I'm ready for the actual checkride; just need to knock out those last couple hours.
I probably averaged 2.5 lessons per week. I did about 6 hours on xplane at home, but I don't find it super useful as I bought the 'ch products' yoke and spend most of my time fighting that pos. Also the lack of atc makes it less useful as that's one of the biggest parts of ifr flying. I was pretty comfortable on the radios, and have done a few long trips into fairly busy airspace using flight following, so that helped, although it was still challenging.
As I mentioned on another thread, most flights are 1-1.5 instrument time, and by the end you're wiped out. My plane doesn't have autopilot, and the gps sucks, so I'm sure it would be easier with better equipment. I did all of my hours with a cfii, and I don't think going with a safety pilot would've been helpful. It genuinely took 30+ hours to get to where I can fly everything within acs standards. Things that seem simple on paper.... like a localizer back course.... suddenly become very difficult under the pressure of flying the airplane.
I haven't flown a loggable simulator, so I can't comment on how useful that would be. The only i know of one within reasonable distance to me costs nearly as much as the actual airplane.
ETA: To answer your second question, most of the training is flying the actual approaches. I would guess 25+ hours. Again it seems easy on paper, but each one is different and shifting winds will make these simplest approach a challenge. The enroute portion is easy. Holding can also be a challenge on windy days. My instructor says people often struggle with partial panel and unusual attitudes, but they came pretty easily for me.
Doing the math, use 1.25 hrs/ lesson x number of lessons/ week. My long xc took 4 hours, and we did one shorter xc that was 2.5, but as I mentioned I had most of my xc time already. I think getting the approaches to acs level really takes at least 20 hours, so total time will depend on how easily you pick up the other stuff.