Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

Just heard on JFK tower (paraphrased):

Pilot: Giant 2857, outside Canarsi for ILS one-three left (very petite sounding, female voice)

Controller: You don't sound like a giant?

(Absolute silence)

The controller finally gives clearance to land.

That same controller is always hilarious to listen to.
 
At Boston Logan, you're required to call Clearence Delivery before push/taxi so they can hand your strip over to the ground controler...

Continental 193: BOS Clearence, COA 193 ready for push off B32.

BOS Clearence: COA193, roger. Hold the push; with information Victor, monitor ground 121.9, have a good flight.

I flip over to ground freq. BOS ground talks to a few other a/c, but has yet to say anything to COA193. About five minutes pass and he hasn't talked to COA193 yet.

COA 193: BOS Ground, Continental 193, I've been waiting for push clearence on B32 for a while now...

BOS GRND: COA193, BOS GRND, roger...we're not doing a good job up here today I guess. Our only consolation being, you were told to monitor ground, and you're not doing such a good job of that either. Continental 193.....hold the push.

Random Voice: That had to hurt.
 
ouch matt.

my understanding is that a few of the boston controllers have quite a cult following on liveatc.net. gets pretty good there sometimes.
 
Teller1900 said:
At Boston Logan, you're required to call Clearence Delivery before push/taxi so they can hand your strip over to the ground controler...

Continental 193: BOS Clearence, COA 193 ready for push off B32.

BOS Clearence: COA193, roger. Hold the push; with information Victor, monitor ground 121.9, have a good flight.

I flip over to ground freq. BOS ground talks to a few other a/c, but has yet to say anything to COA193. About five minutes pass and he hasn't talked to COA193 yet.

COA 193: BOS Ground, Continental 193, I've been waiting for push clearence on B32 for a while now...

BOS GRND: COA193, BOS GRND, roger...we're not doing a good job up here today I guess. Our only consolation being, you were told to monitor ground, and you're not doing such a good job of that either. Continental 193.....hold the push.

Random Voice: That had to hurt.
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ORD has a metering freq and once checked in your are also told to monitor ground. Ah the amount of times I have heard someone on ground get chewed out for checking in :rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
tonycondon said:
ouch matt.

my understanding is that a few of the boston controllers have quite a cult following on liveatc.net. gets pretty good there sometimes.
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I've heard that quite a bit, actually. I dunno, I think the funny ones must work the afternoons, so I havn't gotten to talk with them yet. From what I hear, though, once I do talk to them I'll have more to write about on here.
 
A friend of mine had this conversation in Grand Rapids, MI (KGRR) a couple of years ago:

Friend: "Battle Creek Tower, Skyhawk XXXX ready to taxi, VFR departure to the South.

GRR Tower: Tomahawk XXXX, taxi to rwy XX and hold short.

Friend: Eh tower, we're a Skyhawk.

GRR Tower: If you can call me Battle Creek, I can call you Tomahawk
 
KennyFlys said:
Just heard on JFK tower (paraphrased):

Pilot: Giant 2857, outside Canarsi for ILS one-three left (very petite sounding, female voice)

Controller: You don't sound like a giant?

(Absolute silence)

The controller finally gives clearance to land.

That same controller is always hilarious to listen to.
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Looking at the time you posted this it look like you just missd me. I was up there last night doing the N.Y.C. tour with a few friends. I was flying and the owner of the plane was handling the radios. If you heard a russian dude that was us.
 
Danos said:
Looking at the time you posted this it look like you just missd me. I was up there last night doing the N.Y.C. tour with a few friends. I was flying and the owner of the plane was handling the radios. If you heard a russian dude that was us.
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What call sign or tail number?
 
A few years back I was getting radar advisories from ACY. Heard on the freq:

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 downwind runway 19, Flying W.

ACY app: Cessna 12345, Atlantic City approach, you're transmitting on my frequency.

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 base runway 19 Flying W.

ACY app: Cessna 12345, you're on the Atlantic City approach frequency.

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 final runway 19, Flying W.

A minute or two later:

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 crosswind runway 19, Flying W.

(unk. aircraft -- pilot sounded like a pro).

Let me give it a shot approach. Cessna 12345 at Flying W, you're transmitting on Atlantic City's frequency.

Flying W, Cessna 12345 downwind runway 19, Flying W.

ACY app: Oh well, thanks anyway. I guess you can lead 'em to water but you can't make 'em drink...
 
RotaryWingBob said:
A few years back I was getting radar advisories from ACY. Heard on the freq:

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 downwind runway 19, Flying W.

ACY app: Cessna 12345, Atlantic City approach, you're transmitting on my frequency.

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 base runway 19 Flying W.

ACY app: Cessna 12345, you're on the Atlantic City approach frequency.

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 final runway 19, Flying W.

A minute or two later:

Flying W traffic, Cessna 12345 crosswind runway 19, Flying W.

(unk. aircraft -- pilot sounded like a pro).

Let me give it a shot approach. Cessna 12345 at Flying W, you're transmitting on Atlantic City's frequency.

Flying W, Cessna 12345 downwind runway 19, Flying W.

ACY app: Oh well, thanks anyway. I guess you can lead 'em to water but you can't make 'em drink...
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Pefect example of why "any traffic on the area please advise" does not work. Half the people on the CTAF are not listening to begin with, they just talk and hope everyone stays out of their way.
 
On the way into DPA tonight, I was on my way in from the north and was told to make a left base for runway 10. There was another plane doing pattern work on 15, and an Arrow that called in a few miles behind me who was told to follow me in to 10.

Well, the Arrow pilot was being kind of a pain, saying I was too close etc. etc. and the tower was trying his best to be helpful, but he finally got fed up with the guy. Here's how it ended, as I was on short final:

Arrow: "Tower, Arrow xxx we're going to overtake that guy in front of us unless you let us do something different."

Tower (sarcastically): "Arrow xxx, if you'd put your gear down you probably wouldn't be overtaking him."

:eek:

Ouch. SuperPilot gets the smackdown. At least he didn't gear it up.
 
I recall toward the end of my IR training, I was flying an ILS into AHN. I was just outside of Bulldog and a VFR aircraft ahead of me was much slower. The tower ordered him to do a wide, right 360 to allow me to pass.

He threw a fit, saying... "Why do I have to circle? I'm ahead of him!" The tower simply told him I was IFR and had priority. He was not happy.

I've heard some say I should not have had priority. But, in any ATC environment IFR traffic will usually get priority over "participating VFR traffic" if the controller determines the sequence should be changed "in the interest of safety." Since it was Class D airspace, he had no choice but to participate if he wanted to land.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
On the way into DPA tonight, I was on my way in from the north and was told to make a left base for runway 10. There was another plane doing pattern work on 15, and an Arrow that called in a few miles behind me who was told to follow me in to 10.

Well, the Arrow pilot was being kind of a pain, saying I was too close etc. etc. and the tower was trying his best to be helpful, but he finally got fed up with the guy. Here's how it ended, as I was on short final:

Arrow: "Tower, Arrow xxx we're going to overtake that guy in front of us unless you let us do something different."

Tower (sarcastically): "Arrow xxx, if you'd put your gear down you probably wouldn't be overtaking him."

:eek:

Ouch. SuperPilot gets the smackdown. At least he didn't gear it up.
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I love it when that happens :yes:
 
Overheard a fun exchange at SDM yesterday while doing t&gs in a Champ.
Forget the details, but it went something like this:

-Impatient pilot holding short tried to argue with Tower about need for hold
-This went back and forth a few times, with controller WAY too busy to be entertaining this guy
-Pilot asked "who sez?" or some such...
-So controller reads aloud (or recites from memory) the relevant passage from the FARs, chapter and verse, "that's who...", etc.
-Pilot has no further comment

I've never laughed so hard on final, nor at a worse time (learning to do wheel landings with the sun in my eyes).:D
 
During "Wings Over Gillespie" Air Show, the field remains open during many of the flyby's.

Tower: Cessna 1234, cleared to land Runway 27R, traffic is a MiG

Cessna 1234: Dang, I thought I was done with them in Korea!
 
Late Tuesday (I think) evening, the BoSox were playing the first game of the playoffs. We launched off Logan directly over the green monster, but couldn't quite hear the score. On the BOS Departure frequency we were one of a handful of planes that had asked for the score of the game. Things were really slow at KBOS and on frequency until...

BOS Departure: Attention all aircraft: for you baseball fans out there, Boston is winning 4-0 in the top of the 9th with 2 outs and no one on.

Series of random voices: Alright...excellent...go sox...etc

Another pilot: Are the Yankees winning?

silence

Departure: Last calling, say again?

Pilot: I can't remember if they're playing tonight, but if so did the Yankees win?

Random pilots: Who cares...boo...go Boston....etc

Departure: Asking about the Yankees, identify yourself.

Pilot: Why?

Departure: I need to know if you're an arrival or a departure?

Pilot: Why does that matter?

Departure: If you're a departure, I'm going to need you to turn left directly away from your destination and expect holding for flow control...if you're an arrival....Boston is now closed for flow control, expect holding

Pilot: But I can see the airport...there's only two or three beacons on down there.

Departure: It's a new controller...he said that's all he can handle with with the stress of the playoffs...so you can expect holding.

American Flight: Approach, American 757, we're Patriots fans and we have the field in sight, if that helps.

Departure: American 757, Roger, cleared for the visual 22L, information...oh of course...information Yankee now current for Boston, contact the tower now 128.8, have a good night.

American: Cleared for the Visual 22L and over to tower. Have a good night....and Go New York.
 
Teller1900 said:
Late Tuesday (I think) evening, the BoSox were playing the first game of the playoffs. We launched off Logan directly over the green monster, but couldn't quite hear the score. On the BOS Departure frequency we were one of a handful of planes that had asked for the score of the game. Things were really slow at KBOS and on frequency until...

BOS Departure: Attention all aircraft: for you baseball fans out there, Boston is winning 4-0 in the top of the 9th with 2 outs and no one on.

Series of random voices: Alright...excellent...go sox...etc

Another pilot: Are the Yankees winning?

silence

Departure: Last calling, say again?

Pilot: I can't remember if they're playing tonight, but if so did the Yankees win?

Random pilots: Who cares...boo...go Boston....etc

Departure: Asking about the Yankees, identify yourself.

Pilot: Why?

Departure: I need to know if you're an arrival or a departure?

Pilot: Why does that matter?

Departure: If you're a departure, I'm going to need you to turn left directly away from your destination and expect holding for flow control...if you're an arrival....Boston is now closed for flow control, expect holding

Pilot: But I can see the airport...there's only two or three beacons on down there.

Departure: It's a new controller...he said that's all he can handle with with the stress of the playoffs...so you can expect holding.

American Flight: Approach, American 757, we're Patriots fans and we have the field in sight, if that helps.

Departure: American 757, Roger, cleared for the visual 22L, information...oh of course...information Yankee now current for Boston, contact the tower now 128.8, have a good night.

American: Cleared for the Visual 22L and over to tower. Have a good night....and Go New York.
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LOL!! Now THAT is a good one! You'd almost think that controllers are real people or something.. *weird* ;)
 
Mary and I had a good laugh on our flight to KPHF, Newport News from KILG, Wilmington, DE.

I guess we were maybe 7-10 miles south of SBY VOR, on with Patuxent approach for traffic advisories when we hear a guy call in.

Tiger: Tiger xxx we are 21m 230 of CGE inbound, not sure what frequency we should be on

Patuxent App: say again please?

Tiger: Tiger xxx we are 20m east of Charlie Golf Echo inbound, not sure what frequency I should be on

Patuxent App: Sounds like.....it would be me! squawk xxxx for advisories. (The female controller was great, easy to copy and just did a real nice job)

Tiger: squawk xxxx Tiger xxx
 
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Heard while approaching IPT with a friend about 6 weeks ago:

Tower: "Well [I forget the plane], I suppose you're cleared to land seeing as you're on the ground."

Tower was not happy, but we got a good laugh out of it!
 
On with Ashville Approach, a controller with oodles of personality was working. He sounded like he was having a ball. He goofed a little with everyone and when a female pilots would check in he'd give it the long deep slow Heelllloooooow! He'd poke at the Chautauqua planes with his thickest New York accent, and lot's of fun stuff like that. But even so, you could tell this guy was to total pro!

This exchange was the BEST.

APRCH: Comair xxx you are cleared for the visual runway 16

(no response) Then he worked a few more planes

APRCH: Learjet xxxx (with female pilot) you are going to be number towoooooowooowoo behind the ERJ report him in site.

Lear xxxx: Wilco and number 2

APRCH: Comair xxxx you are....... STILL cleared for the visual runway 16

(again no response, painful silence)

APRCH: Comair xxx how do you hear Ashville approach ???

(slight pause)

Comair xxxx: ..err, ah, loud and clear Comair xxxx

APRCH: Are you the co-pilot?

Comairxxx: Afrimitive!

APRCH: (in the softest kindest voice, almost a whisper) Comair xxxx can you do me a big favor?

Comair xxx: Yes sir what's that?

APRCH: Comair xxxx, you don't have to bother him now, but when the Captain wakes up from his nap, would please tell him he's cleared for the visual Rwy 16 at Ashville.

Comair xxx: Ummmmmm, ok cleared visual 16 Comair xxxx

At this point I am collapsing with laughter, and bang, I'm the next call he makes:

APRCH: 7 Charlie Bravo you are going to be number 3 behind the learjet report her in sight.

ME: (keyed the mic and couldn't talk, my mouth was locked with this big stupid smile on my face and then I just busted out laughing again and then let go of the mic)

APRCH: ( in his best drill insturctor voice now) 7 Charlie Bravo, DO I MAKE YOU LAUGH!

ME: (now with tears on my face, I just grunted out) Yes sir!

APRCH: I make YOU laugh? I KILL ME!....(now back to normal) 7 Charlie Bravo have a nice evening, contact tower 121.1 the pleasure's been all yours.

ME: (All I could giggle out was) good night!
 
This one was told to me by my CFI. He was with a student and they were heading to nearby St. Augustine (SGJ) Airport so the student could get some touch and go's in an an unfamiliar airport (it should be noted here that Auggy tower is not known for its competence. Its the only time I've ever been forgotten about after doing 20 minutes of touch and go's). They picked up the ATIS then swapped to the tower just in time to hear:

tower: cessna xxx, I want to talk to your cfi. ONLY YOUR CFI!. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU AGAIN!

Cessna (VERY sheepishly): this is the cfi

tower: YOU WILL LAND NOW. YOU WILL NOT DO A GO AROUND, A TOUCH AND GO OR ANYTHING ELSE. YOU WILL LAND, TAXI TO RAMP, AND SHUT OFF YOUR ENGINE. DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DONE FOR THE DAY!

Would love to know what that cessna did. According to my cfi, the student turned to him and said "I don't want to land here any more." They left and went to Cecil field instead (best controllers in Jax there, I might add)

I realized also that I can't mention being forgot about in the pattern and not tell this story as well:

I was doing pattern work at Auggy for about 15-20 minutes. The controller had been clearing me to T&G and everything was fine. I was on downwind and...well...

Me: Piper xxx, midfield downwind, touch and go.

nothing....

Me: uhm...Piper xxx, midfield downwind, touch and go.

Tower (same controller I had been talking to): Piper xxx, when did you enter my pattern?

Me: uhm, about 20 minutes ago, piper xxx.

Tower: did I clear you to enter?

Me: yeah..uhm...about 6 times so far.

Tower: That was you? huh. cleared touch and go then I guess. 6 landings, right?

Me: I believe so.

I did my landing then we went back to Craig. Both my CFI and I in shocked silence almost the entire way back.
 
Got this one today:

"Boston Center, Gulfstream XXX at 11,000, looking for FL370."

"Gulfsream XXX, Bos Center, roger. After a quick consultation with the other guys here we found it, and it looks like FL370 is above you."
 
Travis TRACON (Northern California) used to have really loud rock in the background late at night, and sometimes they'd key the mic and sing along.

~ Christopher
 
A few years ago I was just handed off VFR to Kansas City or Fort Worth Center and it was quiet and it went something like:

ATC: "Say Destination"
Me: "Whiteman, Wiskey-Hotel-Papa",
ATC: "Where's that?"
Me: "Los Angeles just north of Burbank, Bob Hope"
ATC: "Sounds like LA"
Me: "I don't know, I'm from Detroit, it sort of reminds me of my Dad"
 
My favorite tower controller told me (and everyone else on twr) she's entering her peanut butter chocolate chip fingerprint cookies in the Betty Crocker National Bake-off. I've had 'em, and I bet she'll win.

Eamon'll know which controller I'm talking about; Celia calls her, "Perky Girl." She never gets rattled, no matter how busy it gets, moves the traffic with a smile. Worked OSH this year.
 
BFI controllers gently reminding you that the top of the avilable airspace is 800 feet as the CA goes off in the background between you and the plane on final to SeaTac.

~ Christopher
 
jwriteclub said:
Travis TRACON (Northern California) used to have really loud rock in the background late at night, and sometimes they'd key the mic and sing along.

~ Christopher
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While IFR through Joshua's airspace late one night.

Random aircraft: Wanna hear a joke?
 
SCCutler said:
My favorite tower controller told me (and everyone else on twr) she's entering her peanut butter chocolate chip fingerprint cookies in the Betty Crocker National Bake-off. I've had 'em, and I bet she'll win.

Eamon'll know which controller I'm talking about; Celia calls her, "Perky Girl." She never gets rattled, no matter how busy it gets, moves the traffic with a smile. Worked OSH this year.
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Oh Yea Spikster, She moves me in more ways than one with the voice :)
 
Bump. I heard this one the other day and laughed out loud.

[SIZE=-1]Chautauqua [/SIZE]Airlines flies into Boston as US Airways Express, Delta Connection, and Continental Connection. Normally it's not a problem as the ground controllers can tell which ramp they're going to park on based on their paint scheme. Recently, though, they've had a handful of planes that are just white with a solid blue tail and no other markings, so the controllers have to ask them where they're parking.

Well, this particular unmarked jet called ground as they cleared the runway, this busy day, and were queried as to their parking. "[SIZE=-1]Chautauqua 123, say parking."

"Huh?" Was the shaky reply over the radio.

The Captain and I perk up, hoping beyond hope that this now obviously new FO will say "parking."

"Where are you parking today, [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Chautauqua 123?" is the grumpy reply from Ground.

The response is another uncertain "Umm," followed by the most uncomfortable silence ever. "Umm..." it's a rather busy evening in Boston and no one else is talking; we're all waiting to see where this goes. "Umm...[/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Chautauqua 31...err...123...we're parking..." he releases the mic briefly "...on the ramp!" he finally stammers, with an unfortunate level of certainty. The silence on freq is deafening. We look over at the company aircraft on the parallel taxiway - they heard it too, and they're laughing about as hard as we are. So is the JetBlue around the corner from us on Bravo.

BOS Ground isn't nearly as amused, though the people in the background are. "I know that, [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Chautauqua 123. Who's ramp? Delta or US Air?"

The captain must have been off Com 1 for most of this, because I'm pretty sure this is where he stepped in "We're Delta tonight, Ground."

"[/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Chautauqua 123, give way to JetBlue off your left and the US Air 1900 straight ahead; taxi to the ramp on Kilo, contact Delta ramp."

Ya gotta feel for the kid, but ouch!
[/SIZE]
 
Lol, that's funny! On another board I contribute to there's a guy who's a dispatcher for CHQ in their Continental Express division. He said that they have a bunch of those "generic stand-in" planes that they can use on any of their codeshare routes.
 
my personal favorite, and I know it's been done before, but still funny:
(while practicing approaches at rockford)

Cessna: Uhh Rockford approach, cessna 123AB, uhh student pilot
RFD: Cessna 3AB, rockford approach, roger. Squawk 3223 and say type cessna
Cessna: uhh.. squawk 3223
RFD: Cessna 3AB, radar contact... say type Cessna.
*silence*
RFD: Cessna 3AB, say type Cessna!
Cessna: (pause) "type cessna"
 
Back when I was still learning I heard this one out of PWA tower.

tower. Cessna 137 traffic crossing, a Bonanza.

unk. throat clearing sound Pardon?

Tower EXXXcuse me! Cessna 137, the Bonanza has his tail on backwards..

lots of snickering after that...
 
Dave Siciliano said:
Each morning on the way out to the A.O. in the Cav, a lot of folks would come on 243.0 to test guard (our helos could monitor in the background). Because it supposedly congested the frequency each morning, someone upstairs banned all the test calls.

Soooooo, some enterprising fella that could never be found would come up everyday around sunrise with: Baak Baak Baak Baak....CHICKEN MAN!!

At least we knew we could receive on guard when we heard that.

Best,

Dave
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"he's everywhere, he' everywhere!"
 
t0r0nad0 said:
Lol, that's funny! On another board I contribute to there's a guy who's a dispatcher for CHQ in their Continental Express division. He said that they have a bunch of those "generic stand-in" planes that they can use on any of their codeshare routes.
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We call em the blue tails. All white with a blue tail.


The problem is that inside the cockpit of the CHQ planes, there is no placard saying what paint job is on the outside.

I have flown 3 code shares out of the 6 in just one day. Delta, Us Air, United, Continental, American, Frontier.

It makes the "20 min out" call real fun when you have to remember which airline you are flying for.

Ladies & Gentlemen, We Would like to thank you for flying with us here at ????????? operated by Chatauqua.
 
Doesn't the dispatcher give you a nice little card with which airline you're flying for?

~ Christopher
 
jwriteclub said:
Doesn't the dispatcher give you a nice little card with which airline you're flying for?

~ Christopher
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It's probably in the Dispatch release, but that's a four mile long string of paper that tends to get stuffed in a map pocket or under the glare shield after you look at all the important parts before takeoff. Then again, the only place it says US Airways in our release is deep in the airport remarks where it says "US Air Express Ops freq" or deice freq.

Our Saabs have the same problem. Not quite to the same degree as we only fly for three different carriers, but we have four or five Saabs painted in Colgan colors that we call Captain Americas. I can imagine that gets confusing.
 
Teller1900 said:
It's probably in the Dispatch release, but that's a four mile long string of paper that tends to get stuffed in a map pocket or under the glare shield after you look at all the important parts before takeoff. .
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Amen. to the paperwork. & we get the paperwork from the dispatch of the parent airline anyway, so you need to know where to go before you get the paperwork.

It is also real fun to get to work sometimes.

I was on reserve last month & I got a call 2 saturdays in a row.

They gave me the flight number & show time, but not the airline or details.

With the flight number you get, you can look up on travelocity & see what the carrier is usually.

Both saturdays, the (blue tail) plane was parked at the central terminal @ a Continental gate but the flight was a added United flight & the other was an added US airways trip.

Our Crew room is in the US Air terminal, The plane is in the central terminal & I have no idea what airline I am flying for because it is an added segment that is not posted on line anywhere. I had to call Sech & then Disp just to find the plane. As I am just about to get to the plane, the Capt called me and said to meet him in the crew room as it was a US Air flight. He wasn't too happy when I told him the plane was at a Continental gate :)

One time I had to Dead head in on a United flight to work a Delta flight Ugggg.

There is a free bus that will take you from airline to airline at LGA. It starts at Delta then goes to US Air, then Continental, Jet Blue, Airtran, United, American, lastly the Delta Shuttle @ the marine terminal & then makes a loop back to Main Delta. It is prolly a 1/2 hr to 45 min loop.

Now I have a line and all is well. I am off 15 days this month. :)
 
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