Friends with benefits

AKiss20 said:
You are literally infantilizing people right now, most notably women (some nice casual sexism there by the way), by saying they can't truly know what they feel or desire and therefore shouldn't have full agency over their sex lives.

The consensus that can be reached in that situation is "our desires have evolved and are no longer compatible with our current relationship, therefore we should move towards a state of relationship that is compatible with both, be that a platonic friendship or no friendship whatsoever." Desires can change, and if they do, be honest with one another and adjust. That may or may not result in someone getting hurt emotionally. Desires can also change and individuals can get hurt in platonic friendships as well, is that an argument against ever having a platonic friendship? I don't think so. If you want to make the argument that people should never be in a platonic friendship with anyone that it is conceivable that they may one day want a relationship with (i.e. of the gender identity that the person is attracted to), feel free to make it, but I don't think it's a very compelling one.
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Katamarino said:
Both the examples you just gave are absolutes; i.e., they are true for literally 100% of British men.

You're therefore stating that you think literally 0% of women are capable of being in a "healthy" NSA relationship.

This makes me curious as to what other activities you think 100% of women or man are incapable of, based on their gender?

It's not that long since some "scientists" thought that women's uteruses would fly out of their bodies if they travelled too fast by train, so until I see a high quality study to back up your beliefs, I'm unconvinced that it's as black and white as you're claiming.
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Well, for one, 100% of males can't get pregnant. :D Otherwise, I am having difficulties coming up with things that would prove to you that I am as backward and stupid as you are implying I am by comparing me to scientists who believed such a ludicrous thing. I really do think that 100% of women can't engage in such a casual intimacy without ending up with some emotional damage due to their genetic makeup.

I was trying to show that women have a unique problem with NSA sex that doesn't affect men the same way, and that such responses are biologically built into women. Some women chose to ignore the issues when they are young so it seems as if such things don't affect them, but I've yet to hear or see a woman where it hasn't come back to haunt her when she is older. I just thought I'd add my relatively unique voice to the discussion, because not many men realize that women are built differently in more than our brains and bodies and thought that perspective might add a dimension to the conversation.
 
SkyChaser said:
Well, for one, 100% of males can't get pregnant. :D Otherwise, I am having difficulties coming up with things that would prove to you that I am as backward and stupid as you are implying I am by comparing me to scientists who believed such a ludicrous thing. I really do think that 100% of women can't engage in such a casual intimacy without ending up with some emotional damage due to their genetic makeup.

I was trying to show that women have a unique problem with NSA sex that doesn't affect men the same way, and that such responses are biologically built into women. Some women chose to ignore the issues when they are young so it seems as if such things don't affect them, but I've yet to hear or see a woman where it hasn't come back to haunt her when she is older. I just thought I'd add my relatively unique voice to the discussion, because not many men realize that women are built differently in more than our brains and bodies and thought that perspective might add a dimension to the conversation.
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You’re casting pearls in this crowd.
 
eman1200 said:
One’s biological the other geographical, not remotely similar.
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It's entirely similar. Biology and stereotypes are not mutually exclusive. It's a stereotype that the Dutch are tall, and that Kenyans are good long distance runners; that's grounded in biological fact, but it doesn't mean that the situation is anywhere near absolute. There are short Dutchmen and slow Kenyans.

I don't doubt that on average fewer women than men will be emotionally healthy in a NSA relationship. But I don't think it's anywhere close to a 100/0 situation like some here seem to think. And when it comes to looking at individuals, the stereotype is meaningless.
 
Katamarino said:
It's entirely similar. Biology and stereotypes are not mutually exclusive. It's a stereotype that the Dutch are tall, and that Kenyans are good long distance runners; that's grounded in biological fact, but it doesn't mean that the situation is anywhere near absolute. There are short Dutchmen and slow Kenyans.

I don't doubt that on average fewer women than men will be emotionally healthy in a NSA relationship. But I don't think it's anywhere close to a 100/0 situation like some here seem to think. And when it comes to looking at individuals, the stereotype is meaningless.
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I agree. And I'm female. Groups of people may have statistical tendencies to have one personality characteristic or the other, but in no way is it an absolute. People are individuals.
 
SkyChaser said:
I really do think that 100% of women can't engage in such a casual intimacy without ending up with some emotional damage due to their genetic makeup.

I was trying to show that women have a unique problem with NSA sex that doesn't affect men the same way, and that such responses are biologically built into women. Some women chose to ignore the issues when they are young so it seems as if such things don't affect them, but I've yet to hear or see a woman where it hasn't come back to haunt her when she is older. I just thought I'd add my relatively unique voice to the discussion, because not many men realize that women are built differently in more than our brains and bodies and thought that perspective might add a dimension to the conversation.
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My point is that I think you're wrong, and that claiming anything to do with emotions like this can be a 100% situation is not credible. I don't think you're in a position to speak for all women any more than I'm in a position to speak for all men. People are different.
 
Or start measuring noses and forehead bumps for "science". :)
 
Katamarino said:
My point is that I think you're wrong, and that claiming anything to do with emotions like this can be a 100% situation is not credible. I don't think you're in a position to speak for all women any more than I'm in a position to speak for all men. People are different.
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I think we differ in how we categorize this female reaction. I don't think that this is an emotional response, but a biological response. The only way emotions have anything to do with it is that is how women "verbalize" it. My point all along has been that women don't choose to feel this response, but hormonally, our brains are triggered in certain ways by certain things. I don't mean to "speak for all women", just state a biological event that happens in our bodies! We'll probably just have to agree to disagree, but thanks for the argument! :)
 
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I had an FWB up until about a month ago. “Met” her on tinder. She texted one morning to set up our first in person meeting. I said I was flying out to Utah to go camping. I half ass asked if she wanted to go, she said yes! So, I picked her up at the bus stop, we got in the plane and headed west. I didn’t even know her name, she used a nickname on tinder.
It was a great night out in the desert, best sex I’d had in years, way better than my girlfriend. But, still not even knowing her name, I didn’t think she was long term material. A few weeks later she wants to meet me at the hangar, to have sex in the plane! I sure wasn’t going to say no, and now I can say I’ve had sex, great sex, in my plane.
A couple weeks later she invited me to her place, she had a country music video on the tv with the singer looking shockingly like me, she said “I’m going to pretend your him later”. Knowing exactly where I stood at the time, I gave it to her with as much effort and enthusiasm as possible, expecting to not hear from her again. But, a few days later I was invited over again. This went on for months, including her birthday. I started to realize that I really liked her, and she really liked me too. One night she started make some statements that were kind of insulting, so I mentioned that I had a long term girlfriend, but was trying to move on. Well, apparently her life coach told her that it was not going anywhere with me, and she couldn’t keep “seeing” me. But,she invited me over one last time, to hear about my 1st helicopter flight. Yeah, right. After that I was cut off, because I wasn’t long term partner material!
Perhaps if had known, that I wasn’t just a real life sex toy, I might have acted differently.
It sure was fun though, 54 years old with the body of a 20 year old.
 
Albany Tom said:
I think the corollary to "don't buy anything from a guy wearing a beret" might be "don't date anyone who has a life coach".
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whoa... there’s some truth to that... wow.

After the relationship where I learned THAT lesson, I adopted new strategy... I wanna look in the medicine cabinet and purse!
 
Between consenting adults whatever works- rock it out. Honesty and Consent of all is the only moral I think counts, after that your hooha or dingaling is yours. Use it as you see fit and makes you happy!
 
Scott@KTYR said:
I thought you were going to say you have a friend that lets you fly their plane anytime you want to :)
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I kinda had that, except technically it was my plane too.

The Other Guy was an awesome airplane partner. I wish he wasn't as up there in years and not able to fly more than he is. He actually taught me a lot about flying. The very first flight I took in our Arrow II was from TVL to EDU. He flew me and two of his friends up there, on a hot summer day (DA probably about 10k) and I flew it back, right seat, to a landing. I put a ****load of hours on that plane.
 
Remember, moderation is great as long as you don't take the concept too seriously.
 
Katamarino said:
My point is that I think you're wrong, and that claiming anything to do with emotions like this can be a 100% situation is not credible. I don't think you're in a position to speak for all women any more than I'm in a position to speak for all men. People are different.
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I think the truth lies somewhere between your and sky chasers communicated positions. Women are without a doubt biologically predisposed to emotionally desire children, but not all women actually do. But, It’s not a stereotype either. It’s far more ingrained in the dna than that.
 
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