Drinking "for fun"

saracelica

saracelica

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saracelica
Rant on
So my husband and I had some friends over. We go to their house occassionally but it was our turn to "host" the gathering. Made some burritos/tacos for supper with all the fixings. One of the guests brought over some Alcohol (Rye?) and when I poured myself some Cran Grape to go with dinner I got a "What you're not going to drink with dinner?!" I politely declined - I had a couple friends die from drinking to excess about 20 years ago. Drinking "for fun" stopped being fun around that time as well. So anyway to shut him up I pour some into my Cran grape. Big mistake. Not only did it make it taste horrible I ended up throwing it down the drain when he wasn't looking and refilling the cup with fresh Cran Grape.

Later I did take a shot or two of some other whiskey to be a good sport but frustrated that I can't say it to him because that could ruin a relationship so I share it with you my fine PoA community. Why push someone to drink if they don't want to? Oh you feel "uncomfortable" when your drinking and others aren't...well too bad.

Rant off
 
Many of my friends drink, and they're all delighted that I'm always the designated driver because I don't drink. There was always an open bar at my parents house, and I'm a great bartender. I just don't like alcoholic drinks. And it's never bothered me to order ginger ale or sprite at the bar with friends.

I've had 2 hangovers both in college. I discoverd why the band director had 10 am rehearsals for the 7 pm game, and why so many of the band were wearing sunglasses on rainy days.
 
I am not a drinker, and have never felt the need to explain myself to others why I do not drink(bottom line is I do not really enjoy alcohol, did my fair share of drinking in college, and that has been about it--something about being a college student in Nawlins does that to you). If someone said something to me I would turn it around and say "why don't you join me in nonalcoholic beverages instead."
 
Honestly? Make some excuse or just say you don't feel like it.

Real friends worth keeping are not going to disown you because you don't want to drink with them.
 
Not about disowning. Friends for me are far and few between. I don't make friends easily and so I'd like to have them around. It's just occassionally we get together at a house and inevitably alcohol starts pouring. I can't even count how many drinks I've poured out and said "wow that was really good!"
 
saracelica said:
Not about disowning. Friends for me are far and few between. I don't make friends easily and so I'd like to have them around. It's just occassionally we get together at a house and inevitably alcohol starts pouring. I can't even count how many drinks I've poured out and said "wow that was really good!"
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Why do you feel you have to fake it around them? If someone asks say Thanks for the offer but, I enjoy Cran Grape better.
 
I enjoy a drink,however I have many friends that don't drink. the decision to have a drink lies with the individual. Peer pressure can sometimes be overpowering. I appreciate all my friends and alcohol is not a factor.
 
Like a lot of people, I did my share in college. Fast forward about five years. I had moved out of town, but was up visiting and I was at a cookout at the home of my best friend in college. He was pounding beers and offered me one. I held up my can of diet coke and said, "no thanks, I'm good." He said, "I don't even know you anymore, man" turned his back and walked away. We didn't speak for about 10 years after that. Sad, really. I'm happy to say he has since seen the light.
 
I enjoy a good belt, socially, with a friend. In a long history in regional theater as an actor/singer, I often worked a full day - maybe, no lunch - and then headed 35 miles or so to rehearsal or a performance, after which might be the "traditional" wind-down at this or that pub. Invariably, if with a new cast, would be the "Jerry, you're drinking tonight?"
""Thanks, but no. I have too much invested flying my airplane and becoming a pilot than to, perhaps from fatigue, get stopped for weaving on the way home. This iced tea won't be the cause of a violation, unlike several Bacardi, 7-Up and wedge of lime, the latter of which could royally screw-up my passion."" The new cast members never question the logic again.

HR
 
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1) I don't like pressuring anyone to do anything they don't want to do (drinking, flying, whatever.)

2) and just what's wrong with just saying, "No thanks" and leaving things at that? No explanations required, and definitely no shots just to shut him up.
 
My group of friends is an incredibly large variety of people of all ages, races and religions. This obviously includes some that are non-drinkers. As a group we do lots of things that definitely don't involve drinking, like go-kart racing and going to real racing events (drag or road racing) but afterwards some of us do enjoy some beverages. I don't think there has EVER been a time where any of my friend have pressured any of my non-drinking friends to drink. The same goes for when someone just doesn't feel like it or can't that night. The night before a mock checkride one of my really good friends turned 21... so I volunteered to drive so I could go but couldn't drink. It worked out wonderfully and all my friends completely understood and respected my decision. I can't even tell you how many times other friends have made that same decision... if they're good friends they won't pressure you to drink like that if you don't want to IMO.
 
I would never put pressure on anyone who won't drink with me... I'll just shrug and say "More for me, then". :D
 
I have occasionally found the opposite situation to be true. I've flown with people who are out of town with me for the first time and they seem reluctant to order a drink at dinner because I don't. When I tell them I don't care if they drink and I'm happy to be the designated driver they seem relieved. This happens more often if there is a big age difference, as in they are a lot younger.
 
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its only drinking for fun . . . if its fun.

And if its fun . . . there are other things going on.

A cocktail or three can be nice once in a while - but only if you are in the mood for it. Those of us who make it to the advanced ages have generally learned when the fun meter gets pegged. . . .
 
sounds like you have just grown apart from this set of friends. That's normal.
 
Attitudes towards alcohol vary widely. In college, I had fraternity brothers who couldn't understand someone having a drink, but not wanting to get drunk. The only point of drinking, in their mind, was to get completely plastered. My son, a junior in college, has opted for an alcohol-free lifestyle, and I admire his choice. Being an RA in the dorm, he says it gives him the moral authority when he has to deal with alcohol issues in the dorm.

I think you handled it just fine. Play along, dump the booze when no one is looking, and enjoy your evening with friends.
 
"No thanks, I'm allergic to alcohol... it makes me break out in handcuffs."

-- A family member, paraphrasing another addict


Or just tell them no alcohol, you may be flying the next morning.
 
I just say no thanks, I'm the designated decoy.
 
I go through phases, drink more in the winter than I do in the summer. I've never really been entertained by drinking alone or drinking at my house. For me it's going to be a social situation and the amount is going to be rather limited unless I know there is no chance I will have to drive (like at Gastons). Even then I really despise a hangover so the older I get the less I consume :)
 
I have an annual gathering where scotch is the primary drink on the menu. Along with that, I have beer, wine, various liquors, and soft drinks. Guests choice or bring your own.
Being an adult gives us the right to make up our own minds however we want. As they say, no means no.
 
jesse said:
I go through phases, drink more in the winter than I do in the summer.:)
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Ha! I'm opposite. Out on the lake, those cold beers just taste so good! From end of September to beginning of May, I'll bet I don't even drink a six pack.
 
If you don't drink, you don't drink. If someone else doesn't like that, oh well, you don't drink.
 
Unless you are in you are under 20 I say you need better friends.
Under 20 we all did some stupid stuff because it was "fun" and pressured our friends to do stupid stuff.
I would offer a drink to a friend but not be offended if they said no. I would not ask why they said no. Lots of reasons not to drink. Not really any of my bussines unless you feel like sharing.
 
Very strange to read of someone pressuring you to drink. Assuming no preachifying was going on, your choice is your choice, after the expression of which your friend ought to have been completely satisfied.
 
People who are sick are genuinely uncomfortable being among healthy people, it makes their sickness all that more apparent. They will always offer drinks to those around them so they will not be alone. Some of the seriously ill ones will become downright angry when someone refuses to slide down to their level by not drinking with them.

My ex wife died a year or so ago from liver failure, I was surprised she lasted as long as she did. She was six years younger than me, yet she looked twenty years older. Alcohol is merciless in what it does to a persons appearance, and for some reason, it seems to be especially harsh on women.

I started drinking for a few years after my divorce, but eventually gave it up after realizing the futility of it. I have not touched the stuff in over 30 years.

I do not much care for people who attempt to force a drink on me, sometimes I find myself being less than pleasant with the more persistent ones.

Alcohol is probably the most insidious of all of the drugs because it is socially and legally acceptable. People become addicted long before they realize that they have a serious problem. When the light finally goes on, it is too late, so they self medicate with the drug that is causing their problem. Like a dog chasing it's own tail.

Never feel guilty for turning down a drink, it's like someone offering you a glass of puss, only nobody seems to know that.

-John
 
Very strange. If I had found something unusual or out of the way I might be a little more strident in offering a taste (and little more). That said, a polite denial is usually sufficient. Perhaps you need new friends.
 
saracelica said:
Rant on
So my husband and I had some friends over. We go to their house occassionally but it was our turn to "host" the gathering. Made some burritos/tacos for supper with all the fixings. One of the guests brought over some Alcohol (Rye?) and when I poured myself some Cran Grape to go with dinner I got a "What you're not going to drink with dinner?!" I politely declined - I had a couple friends die from drinking to excess about 20 years ago. Drinking "for fun" stopped being fun around that time as well. So anyway to shut him up I pour some into my Cran grape. Big mistake. Not only did it make it taste horrible I ended up throwing it down the drain when he wasn't looking and refilling the cup with fresh Cran Grape.

Later I did take a shot or two of some other whiskey to be a good sport but frustrated that I can't say it to him because that could ruin a relationship so I share it with you my fine PoA community. Why push someone to drink if they don't want to? Oh you feel "uncomfortable" when your drinking and others aren't...well too bad.

Rant off
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Why did you have to explain yourself?
Just look at them and tell them, "There is the door, ..."
 
As a former drinker, I have found that people react one of two ways when I say I'll have a diet coke or a water. One set will say something like, "bottled water or is tap OK". The other group will ask two or three times if "I'm sure" I don't want a beer or even insist that "one won't hurt you". I try to avoid the second group. ;)
I actually stopped drinking a little over 3 years ago, July 2010, I was a pretty heavy drinker and I loved beer. It's tough to quit a habit you've had for 20+ years but it's worth it waking up and knowing if my head hurts, I am actually sick. ;)
My youngest son joined a fraternity at UGA this fall, he is one of 3 kids that don't drink, you talk about pressure to drink!:mad2: But, he never has and has no interest, I told him to tell folks he's afraid to lose his pilot's license. :D Even though he doesn't have his PPL yet, he could still lose his medical.:mad2:
 
I stopped too, next week will be two years. I've stopped from from time to time over the years when it seemed like a good idea (usually for weight and conditioning) and don't say that I've quit, only that I've quit for now.

When I don't drink she doesn't drink as much either, and our wine consumption at dinner drops from 4 glasses to 1. Like you, I found that I missed it for a couple of weeks and then forgot about it and have always liked Pellegrino anyway so there's no real loss of something pleasant and fizzy to drink rather than beer.

The only problem I'm dealing with this time is that she's dropped about 20#, toned up for her upcoming trip to South America/Galapogas, looks great and no longer needs glasses after cataracts were removed. She hasn't said anything about putting me on waivers but I continue to watch the trade wires.



N747JB said:
As a former drinker, I have found that people react one of two ways when I say I'll have a diet coke or a water. One set will say something like, "bottled water or is tap OK". The other group will ask two or three times if "I'm sure" I don't want a beer or even insist that "one won't hurt you". I try to avoid the second group. ;)
I actually stopped drinking a little over 3 years ago, July 2010, I was a pretty heavy drinker and I loved beer. It's tough to quit a habit you've had for 20+ years but it's worth it waking up and knowing if my head hurts, I am actually sick. ;)
My youngest son joined a fraternity at UGA this fall, he is one of 3 kids that don't drink, you talk about pressure to drink!:mad2: But, he never has and has no interest, I told him to tell folks he's afraid to lose his pilot's license. :D Even though he doesn't have his PPL yet, he could still lose his medical.:mad2:
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I consumed more between the ages of 18 - 21 than I have in the 27 years since. Rather than change your friends' behavior, change yours. If you don't want to drink - don't. If someone says something just let it go and don't bother even responding. Don't succomb to peer pressure. You've outgrown that.
 
+1 for don't care to be around binge or heavy drinkers. Its not a sport I participate in.
 
Everskyward said:
I have occasionally found the opposite situation to be true. I've flown with people who are out of town with me for the first time and they seem reluctant to order a drink at dinner because I don't. When I tell them I don't care if they drink and I'm happy to be the designated driver they seem relieved. This happens more often if there is a big age difference, as in they are a lot younger.
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A couple of reasons for that approach: In the past, they may have run into a militant non-drinker who preached their ear off about either the evils of addiction or their religious convictions. The other reason may be that they don't want to be impolite in front of someone who is on total abstinence due to past addiction problems.
If I am at dinner with someone I don't know and they opt not to drink, I just follow their lead.
 
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If your friends make you compromise your morals then they aren't friends. Stand your ground and do what is best for you, not what will make your friends happy. I think there is a deeper issue to be had here. How can you expect someone else to stand up for what their choice if you won't stand up for yours???



Bill Jennings said:
Real friends would respect your decision. Period.
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steingar said:
Very strange. If I had found something unusual or out of the way I might be a little more strident in offering a taste (and little more). That said, a polite denial is usually sufficient. Perhaps you need new friends.
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Lot of different definitions of "drinking" above.

Assuming "responsible, social" drinking, many activities have a large connection to drinking, and non- drinking can SOMETIMES lead to fewer invitations to social events. (Weekends in the Wine Country, tailgate parties at the football game, brew-fests, etc).
 
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