I need to vent and decompress a little with my fellow pilots (since I don't really have any in real life currently). I'm just a hobby private pilot (~97hrs TT), I may get my CFI one day and do some commercial oddjobs more for fun than for trying to make any kind of living, but I'm just flying for fun and to go places when conditions allow. But I find myself stressed during and after most flights. I admit, I've only done four flights as PIC post-checkride. But I always find myself stressed about things. I did a flight today, nothing special, a cross country to two different airports and back; topologically a loop, geographically a narrow triangle. I haven't flown in about 7 weeks due to weather and maintenance not being good when my schedule is open. If today hadn't been severe clear, then another week and I'd have been scheduling a "de-rust" flight with my CFI.
Taxi and takeoff was fine. I had about 5 seconds of rustiness pulling out of the parking spot, but everything through runup came back to me. Cruise was fine, descent was fine, radio calls were all fine. Finding and entering the pattern at the first airport was ok. I could have done better with altitude, but it was acceptable to me. I cross midfield and turn into the downwind. Now I can't hold my speed and altitude worth anything. I'm too low, gun the throttle, now I'm too fast, pull back, BUT NOT THAT MUCH! At a mile from the threshold, I finally stabilize, I'm a tad high, but some finessing of the throttle brings me down nicely and I land. Not a terriffic landing, but not horrible (and don't worry, I was about three seconds from going around, I wasn't going to push the landing any further if I couldn't get stable). I pull off the runway and taxi back to the end to take off again. I pull into the runup area and setup for my next leg, and breathe a minute. I had planned to do some pattern work and practice some different landings, but with how I felt after that approach, I decided to stick with normal landings and just get back to cruise. Maybe I should have shut down there and walked inside the terminal, but I didn't.
I takeoff fine and head to airport 2, a short 20 minute hop. Along the way, I'm dodging traffic. I'm in a rural area, and it seems like everyone and their mother is flying today and I'm getting more stressed at having to dodge other planes (nothing dangerous, but I wanted very much to keep it that way). I get into the pattern at airport 2 and make another landing. Slightly better, but still not one I'm proud of. I pull up in front of the terminal and just stop and go inside. I wasn't sure where to park and it's unattended so I'm just there in front of everything. Fortunately everyone and their mother that's flying, isn't flying at this airport. I spend about 30 minutes in the terminal, get some water, text some friends, walk around. But in my head, I'm definitely wondering if I should even be a pilot, that maybe this isn't for me. I hear another plane on the radio coming in so I get the towbar out and push my plane into a free spot since I'm not ready to go yet.
Finally I decide it's time to go. The other plane has been doing some landings. The runways are 11 and 29. Winds have been variable, but largely favoring 11. While I was taking my breather, I literally watched the windsock swing through about 130 degrees of travel. I see the other plane down at 29 just sitting, doing a runup? Post-landing debrief? Who knows, they're silent on the radio currently. I announce I'm taking runway 29 taxiing to the runup loop area for runway 11. Windsock still favors 11 as I pass it. I enter the loop and call clear of the runway. The other plane asks if I'll be a minute, I say I will. They takeoff runway 29 departing to the west. I can still see the windsock. But am I reading it right? I run the physics through my head a few different ways "tail points toward runway to use" "the small end will get pushed around by the wind" "AWOS says winds 170" etc. Winds are light so it's not a big deal, but I'm absolutely questioning myself at this point. At one other airport, I completely got the runways backward, called the correct one, landed the opposite one though and absolutely facepalmed when I realized it. Fortunately it was as quiet as today's airport and no one was around to even care.
I take off and do a downwind departure, also to the west. I climb up to my altitude and get on with flight following. This is when things change for the better. I am on top of it with Center, Approach, and Tower. I'm talking to the same folks as the big boys carying 300 passengers and I sound cool too. Then I absolutely butter my landing back home. That all definitely helped a lot. Until I tie down. Now the doubt sets in again. I push the plane back, tie it down, replace the chock, replace the cowl plug, get all of my stuff out, write down the times, go inside, put away the POH and key, and leave. But ever since then, and after my previous flights, I'm always wondering, did I break something? Will the school call me two days from now and tell me that something on the plane is broken and it's my fault? Or is something missing? Did I actually put the cowl plug back in? After my previous flight in this plane (it's a retract), on final, I remember looking at the three green lights, but I don't remember vocalizing "three green" like I'm supposed to do on every leg after I put the gear down. I did that each time on this flight though...or did I? Obviously I didn't do a wheels-up landing either time, but not explicitly calling something so critical still haunts me a little.
Is any of this normal? Will these doubts go away and my confidence go up? I jokingly say to my friends "who's the idiot that had the stupid idea to let me fly a plane!?" but sometimes I feel like it's not entirely a joke. Yes, I'm one of those people who's very hard on themselves, and I have at times taken it to unhealthy levels. My attitude toward aviation is that it's not a place for mistakes. The results can be far more catastrophic than mistakes in literally any other part of my life (I'm not a professional nuclear warhead juggler), so I'm going to be holding myself to a high standard, and trying to learn from times I fall short. But does any of this sound normal, or should I really try to re-evaluate how I approach some of this? If you made it this far, thank you for sticking around, I'm very intersted in any honest feedback.
Taxi and takeoff was fine. I had about 5 seconds of rustiness pulling out of the parking spot, but everything through runup came back to me. Cruise was fine, descent was fine, radio calls were all fine. Finding and entering the pattern at the first airport was ok. I could have done better with altitude, but it was acceptable to me. I cross midfield and turn into the downwind. Now I can't hold my speed and altitude worth anything. I'm too low, gun the throttle, now I'm too fast, pull back, BUT NOT THAT MUCH! At a mile from the threshold, I finally stabilize, I'm a tad high, but some finessing of the throttle brings me down nicely and I land. Not a terriffic landing, but not horrible (and don't worry, I was about three seconds from going around, I wasn't going to push the landing any further if I couldn't get stable). I pull off the runway and taxi back to the end to take off again. I pull into the runup area and setup for my next leg, and breathe a minute. I had planned to do some pattern work and practice some different landings, but with how I felt after that approach, I decided to stick with normal landings and just get back to cruise. Maybe I should have shut down there and walked inside the terminal, but I didn't.
I takeoff fine and head to airport 2, a short 20 minute hop. Along the way, I'm dodging traffic. I'm in a rural area, and it seems like everyone and their mother is flying today and I'm getting more stressed at having to dodge other planes (nothing dangerous, but I wanted very much to keep it that way). I get into the pattern at airport 2 and make another landing. Slightly better, but still not one I'm proud of. I pull up in front of the terminal and just stop and go inside. I wasn't sure where to park and it's unattended so I'm just there in front of everything. Fortunately everyone and their mother that's flying, isn't flying at this airport. I spend about 30 minutes in the terminal, get some water, text some friends, walk around. But in my head, I'm definitely wondering if I should even be a pilot, that maybe this isn't for me. I hear another plane on the radio coming in so I get the towbar out and push my plane into a free spot since I'm not ready to go yet.
Finally I decide it's time to go. The other plane has been doing some landings. The runways are 11 and 29. Winds have been variable, but largely favoring 11. While I was taking my breather, I literally watched the windsock swing through about 130 degrees of travel. I see the other plane down at 29 just sitting, doing a runup? Post-landing debrief? Who knows, they're silent on the radio currently. I announce I'm taking runway 29 taxiing to the runup loop area for runway 11. Windsock still favors 11 as I pass it. I enter the loop and call clear of the runway. The other plane asks if I'll be a minute, I say I will. They takeoff runway 29 departing to the west. I can still see the windsock. But am I reading it right? I run the physics through my head a few different ways "tail points toward runway to use" "the small end will get pushed around by the wind" "AWOS says winds 170" etc. Winds are light so it's not a big deal, but I'm absolutely questioning myself at this point. At one other airport, I completely got the runways backward, called the correct one, landed the opposite one though and absolutely facepalmed when I realized it. Fortunately it was as quiet as today's airport and no one was around to even care.
I take off and do a downwind departure, also to the west. I climb up to my altitude and get on with flight following. This is when things change for the better. I am on top of it with Center, Approach, and Tower. I'm talking to the same folks as the big boys carying 300 passengers and I sound cool too. Then I absolutely butter my landing back home. That all definitely helped a lot. Until I tie down. Now the doubt sets in again. I push the plane back, tie it down, replace the chock, replace the cowl plug, get all of my stuff out, write down the times, go inside, put away the POH and key, and leave. But ever since then, and after my previous flights, I'm always wondering, did I break something? Will the school call me two days from now and tell me that something on the plane is broken and it's my fault? Or is something missing? Did I actually put the cowl plug back in? After my previous flight in this plane (it's a retract), on final, I remember looking at the three green lights, but I don't remember vocalizing "three green" like I'm supposed to do on every leg after I put the gear down. I did that each time on this flight though...or did I? Obviously I didn't do a wheels-up landing either time, but not explicitly calling something so critical still haunts me a little.
Is any of this normal? Will these doubts go away and my confidence go up? I jokingly say to my friends "who's the idiot that had the stupid idea to let me fly a plane!?" but sometimes I feel like it's not entirely a joke. Yes, I'm one of those people who's very hard on themselves, and I have at times taken it to unhealthy levels. My attitude toward aviation is that it's not a place for mistakes. The results can be far more catastrophic than mistakes in literally any other part of my life (I'm not a professional nuclear warhead juggler), so I'm going to be holding myself to a high standard, and trying to learn from times I fall short. But does any of this sound normal, or should I really try to re-evaluate how I approach some of this? If you made it this far, thank you for sticking around, I'm very intersted in any honest feedback.