Dad advice needed. Question 1

[ytodd]

Krav maga.

jiu jitsu

ever see a grade school fight NOT end up on the ground?

 

[GlennAB1]

There's a difference between a senior in HS and a 9 year old in that regard. And I would take the school to court if they did that to my kid.

I don't know if the school system has different policies at the different schools, elementary vs. high school?

 

[Ted]

I don't know if the school system has different policies at the different schools, elementary vs. high school?

There's a difference between fights amongst 9 year olds and fights at the high school level. Even still, when I was in high school the kid who punched me got suspended. I did not, although I didn't have Jesse's dad to give me the advice to fight back. I did, however, have my big Siberian friend who "had a talk" with the kid who punched me.

Any school that tried to expel my kid for defending him or herself would be the recipient of legal action.

 

[GeorgeC]

I wonder if my boys will be wearing body cameras by the time they're in middle school.

 

[PPC1052]

Truth is, he is never going to hit anyone though. He is a timid sweet little boy and as such, a natural target. The kids have picked up on this and we happen to live in a town full of red neck *******s that are raising ****ty kids.

I am just curious why the profanity filter blocked "athletes" and "sweaty."

 

[PPC1052]

This isn't satire so go ahead and move along.

I'm a good dad.
That's the only thing I will truly claim to be good at.
Pilot? meh, employee? B+, Smart? average. Dad? I'm the best!

But I'm perplexed and could use tips from other dads that may have sound advice.
My son is sweet to a fault. Anything I give him, he splits in 2 and gives half to his sister.
I give him money for chores and he asks if we can give it to kids that don't have money.
He is very sensitive, approaches everyone with hopes of them being a new friend, and doesn't seem to have a hateful bone in his body.

Today he came home from school and some boys had been stealing his backpack and throwing it and making him chase it and he would go get it and they would take some of his other things and it went on and on until he had enough. He stood up to a kid and said "knock it off" The kid punched my son in the face. He's 9.

My son is really good at karate and I have told him if ever cornered, and you are out of options, do what you have to do I will never punish you for fighting as long as you don't start it. If you start it, you and me have a problem. He seems to understand that.

Truth is, he is never going to hit anyone though. He is a timid sweet little boy and as such, a natural target. The kids have picked up on this and we happen to live in a town full of red neck *******s that are raising ****ty kids. I swear my generation are the worst parents ever. I don't have many friends that are parents right now because I am fed up with hearing people ***** about their children like they are some kind of burden. "God I can't get them in bed fast enough. Mommy needs her wine". This attitude is rampant in my peer group and its tiring.

I don't want to be a helicopter parent but my job is to protect my kid.

I was also this shy timid little kid that got picked on and made fun of and beat on to the point that in high school, I checked out mentally and became a major loner, tried things I wish I hadn't, and hung out w/ the only crowd that would accept me which was not the best of crowds. The music was good though.

That was the solution 20 years ago. Nowadays, 12 year olds are hanging themselves. Read that again. 12 year olds. I am not really worried about that type of thing yet but in a world full of tough guys, how does a guy that prays every night that for one day everyone will just be nice to him get comfort? I told him tonight "You are young for such a brief period of time and it all goes away one day and you just have to get through this part" he started sobbing and saying "I just want to get past this part and have people be nice even if its just for a day"

I called the school and politely ripped them a new one for not noticing that this had happened. I made sure to note that this was the 3rd or 4th time something like this has happened and I haven't gone all "entitled overprotective parent " on them yet but this keeps happening and no one is looking.

Most of this happens in the extended school day program after school where some college interns are supposed to be watching the kids but are clearly not paying that close attention. In November one of these interns cussed and my daughter goes "OOOH you said a bad word" he said "If you promise not to tell, I will give you a dollar. And he did. He paid her a dollar not to tell. Think about that for a minute. My daughter is a tough smart little cookie. She came home right away and said "This isn't right, Mr. Bryant gave me a dollar not to share a secret" She is an ace. But what if she wasn't?

This is one of the best school systems in the state. One of the reasons we moved here. That and the crazy high property taxes seemed fun to pay.

Anyway, I am mad and I don't know how to proceed. Maybe I say suck it up and cut your chops but that doesn't feel right to me. What do ya do when your kid is a target because he is too nice? I can answer a million other dad questions, but this one is causing me to lose sleep.

Being a dad is pretty easy until its not.

I can take them out of the extended day program but that leads to Question 2 (thread coming)

Thanks in advance.

Ok, serious response: this is a large reason why I am strongly leaning toward private school. I went to public school up until high school. (I, too, was universally picked on, and marginalized.) Then I went to a good private school for high school. Huge difference.

 

[PPC1052]

3) Public vs Private school to solve a bullying problem is horse****. The same bullies will be at a Private school, and you'll just be paying more for it. If you're in a good school system, there's no reason to look into Private schools. I grew up around a lot of kids from both schools, and the kids at Private schools were just as screwed up as the public school kids.

No doubt there are crappy ones. But, when you send your kid to private school, you get to choose which one. Don't pick a sweaty one.

 

[PPC1052]

There's a difference between a senior in HS and a 9 year old in that regard. And I would take the school to court if they did that to my kid.

I would add the teacher and the principal individually, too. This would make me angry.

 

[SoonerAviator]

Ok, serious response: this is a large reason why I am strongly leaning toward private school. I went to public school up until high school. (I, too, was universally picked on, and marginalized.) Then I went to a good private school for high school. Huge difference.

Again, it's entirely situational. If you're in a good public school system (I was), going to a private school won't likely provide any academic benefit and may make any bullying even worse depending on demographics. Also, switching schools to solve a bullying problem with pre-teens is just about asinine. If it were a school where the child was being picked on by several different groups of kids, especially teenagers who are generally more aggressive and physical, then you might have a point. I'm not against Private schooling (or homeschooling), they are certainly valuable in certain areas, but to assume that it's automatically a solution is short-sighted. If I were given a no/low-cost choice to send my daughter to a Private school or keep her in one of the two school districts available to us, I'd still choose the public school (Broken Arrow High School) because they happen to be pretty good academically and also fairly large so that transition to college is almost seamless.

 

[eman1200]

I am just curious why the profanity filter blocked "athletes" and "sweaty."

clearly falls under 'locker room talk'..........

 

[PPC1052]

Again, it's entirely situational.

True. See post 128. My point is that you actively and of your own volition select a school that is a good environment for your child. You don't just accept a school just because it's where the government says your kid is going to go. Similarly, you don't pick one just because it's private or because you heard it's "prestigious." You have to take ownership of the situation and pick one that is the right one for your family.

 

[calberto]

I'm also not a parent-- far from it-- just a 21 year old, greasy college kid. I do work with little kids as a part time job though, and I was bullied a fair amount at his age through high school.

The best advice I ever got for handling bullies was to do two things (these aren't always the answer for physical altercations, but they worked almost every other time for me):

1. Ignore the bullies completely. Bullies feed off of reactions. If your kid stays stoic avoiding any reaction it depletes all of the fun for the bullies. I used to get so angry when people would do/say things to me that I'd blow up and yell at them. It was pathetic, and I'm sure it was hilarious to my assailants. As soon as I took that "blow up" reaction from them they quit messing with me.
2. If your son is relatively calm, then have him feed off their jeers and make it fun for everyone. I've read about the funny crap your son says, (he's got your sense of humor for sure), and I bet he could pull this off eventually. For example:
   • If someone said to me, "You're a sissy." then I would calmly (and with slight sarcasm) say, "Yeah I am. I'm a huge sissy. I cry myself to sleep every night."
   • I'd make sure that a lot of people heard it, and they wouldn't know what to do. It's important to say this with a smile, and not out of anger. The bullies would kind of laugh and the situation would be diffused. I actually became with a lot of my bullies after doing this multiple times. If you act light hearted a lot of times people will reflect that with you. Not always the case, but it works well for me.

Once I started doing these two things I don't think any altercations ever got physical, but if they do get physical then encourage your son to neutralize the situation. He doesn't need to kill the kid, but he should definitely be able to restrain him until someone else comes along.

I'd have to disagree with the private school method of fleeing the situation. A** holes are everywhere in life no matter your age, so you should learn how to either tolerate them or befriend them.

Just my two cents. I hope it was helpful.

 

[flyingcheesehead]

Bryan,

As a Cirrus driver, you should know exactly how to handle all of the problems life can throw at you: Reach up and pull the red handle. ;p

But seriously - Yet another bullied kid here. Keeping that stuff bottled up will make it explode eventually. I remember two instances where I "exploded": In middle school, I was in a higher grade math class - Might as well have painted a target on my back - and one of my bullies at the time pushed me around once too many. I shoved him so hard he took out nearly half the desks in the classroom on his way to the floor. He tried to save face by jumping right up and saying "Pick them up!" I refused, and he quickly picked up all the desks because he knew if they were still in disarray when the teacher arrived, he would be the one in trouble, not me. I don't think he ever picked on me again.

Fast forward to high school... The earlier parts of high school were horrible for me. Even my best friend deserted me because he was on the same rung of the social ladder and was trying to "fit in" to give himself a leg up. There were plenty of bullies in high school, and I was a frequent target. One day, a kid who wasn't even really a bully decided to call me a name on the way to class, and I just lost it. About three seconds later he was on the floor, out cold, with a group of shocked witnesses gasping and screaming for help while I continued walking to class. A half hour later, he was in the hospital and I was having a visit with the school administration and the local police. We're both really lucky that I didn't hurt him any worse - It was right on the edge of me causing him permanent harm. Luckily, he was OK (though probably had one heckuva headache for a while) and I didn't get anything worse than a three-day suspension from school, but that could have been an event that ruined both of our lives.

I think there are a couple of lessons I've learned:
1) Confidence is important. Bullies pick on the people they pick on because they think they can get away with it and they think it'll make them look better. If either of those things goes away, so does the bullying.
2) Humor is a great tool. If your son can figure out a way of making the other kid look stupid, he won't have to land a single blow to get respect from other kids and knock the bullies down a level. (This is really freaking hard, though. I never had the right retort until well after the fact.)
3) Some ability to defend oneself is necessary. As others have mentioned, the wrestling and/or martial arts with real sparring are good both for this and for a boost in confidence.
4) Keep trying new things. Personally, I was always into music, and when I switched instruments as a freshman in high school, I met another guy who was into drum and bugle corps. I joined the Madison Junior Scouts and later the Madison Scouts. I got my ass handed to me in many different ways, but it got me in much better physical shape, gave me way more confidence, and gave me a new circle of friends. Even just being in the band in high school was helpful - It was a different group of people, many of whom were picked on, and we did a lot of things together and got along really well. In fact, we did a trip to New Orleans that was very interesting not only because that's a great place, but from a sociological perspective - Once we were away from the school, even the "jocks" that were in the band (and yes, there were a few) became totally cool. The entire school social structure just melted away and we all had a great time. Keep having him try new things, and eventually he'll find one that becomes his place to shine.

Good luck - And keep asking questions, because I need to read all of these answers so I know what to do in a few years when my son is that age!

 

[CC268]

I'm 23, not a dad...I was never really bullied as a kid, but had my fair share of experiences with kids that were dicks

Interestingly enough the kids that were bullies/dicks are now either in jail, dead from overdosing on some type of drug, or they live a pitiful life working a minimum wage job because they made so many bad choices early on in life. Funny how that works. The same goes for many of the "popular" kids in school - many of them don't end up making much of themselves after high school. Seen it time and time again

 

[SoonerAviator]

I'm also not a parent-- far from it-- just a 21 year old, greasy college kid. I do work with little kids as a part time job though, and I was bullied a fair amount at his age through high school . . . If someone said to me, "You're a sissy." then I would calmly (and with slight sarcasm) say, "Yeah I am. I'm a huge sissy. I cry myself to sleep every night."

I'd go with something more like "that's not what your mother said last night", or, "if you want this sissy's lunch money, I left it on your mom's dresser this morning".


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/list]

 

[sourdough44]

I just skimmed through, I may of missed a bunch that was posted. Our kids have done private school and now public. Believe it or not bullying seemed to be worse in the private school, the teachers and admin had their head buried in a gopher hole.

Public school here tries to nip most in the bud. They seem to come down hard on the things that lead up to it. They have anti-bullying programs, online harassment, and suicide prevention awareness. Will it stop everything, no.

When the older Son was in the younger grades there was some that we became aware of. It was mostly in the locker room. He wasn't involved much on either side, but we knew a few who were. It's a serious problem for the kids and parents. Being aware we always mentioned what behavior was unacceptable. He wasn't the type to bully, but how it's wrong to do it, and to stick up for someone if you see it. He started out a bit skinny but has always been tall, then he thickened up some. One smarty tried a few things but that was soon shutdown.

If the parents of the kids in question are one level above dimwits, I'd talk to them directly, maybe in person. It doesn't have to be to much of a 'tough guy' meeting, just explain the details. If they're 1/2 a parent they can clamp down on the kid. Yes, chance it could backfire and the kids tease about it. If so, up the anti, maybe back to the parent.

I've known some parents who had their kid being harassed in school, not pretty. I'd do all I could to keep ahead if it. The school admin 'may' be of help, and should be, possibly not.

I had a small incident back in yesteryear. Later I saw that kid in the hallway during class switch & punched him hard enough in the mouth to knock him out. No warning, no pushing, just bringing that AR to a knife fight. Of course there was NEVER an issue again. I never got in a lick of trouble over it either, even with the replacement of part of the tooth. Different times I realize.

That may not work every time, but if one on one, may have to fight fire with more fire. It would depend on the kid, age, size differences and mental makeup.

At 9 I would start with a serious talk with the 'ringleaders' parent(s) in person. Heck, get a few cases of PBR and a few of us can come along to that parent meeting, I'll even bring my dog.

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

The school had a sit down with the parents of the other kids and is meeting with my wife today.

I reached out to the TKD instructor who is a serious badass. I mean this guy reeks of confidence and is the spitting image of James Hetfield.
Seriously if they were side by side, I couldn't tell em apart and you don't eff w/ guys that look like this:

So total badass, but studies sociology and psychology and he is putting together some thoughts.

Its interesting the people that bring up non physical stuff. I learned a bit later that I could talk my way out of most things and at some point later discovered humor.
The class clowns don't get picked on much, it is the silent weak ones. Also who likes funny guys? That's right girls. I never did well with the ladies but most of my friends were girls that thought i was funny. These weren't the popular chicks that wanted the athletes so I wasn't a threat to them. I was kind of invisible to the important people and I was okay with that.

In hindsight, I probably could have taken a lot of the jerks on back then and even gotten with the girls but at the time you don't realize you aren't a looser when someone tells you that you are..

 

[mscard88]

That's right girls. I never did well with the ladies but most of my friends were girls ..

So, are you saying, you were or are gay....

 

[RV10flyer]

Several have mentioned on here meeting with the other parents. That most likely will never happen at school. Maybe in public or court.

6PC, you are good at making videos. Put a body cam on him and see exactly what is going on. Or ask the school to put up cameras, then you can see how all of the kids interact. Or volunteer one day a week and see if you "see everything" that goes on.

Or make friends with the college-age staff, by flying them over their home and college. I can guarantee they will watch your 9 yr old more closely.

Or buy a few cases of candy, ice cream, pop(soda), and you will instantly be the cool Dad.

Getting on here(facebook for aviators), bashing the "spineless" administration is not going to solve the issues. They will just say, "Here comes that cirrus Dad to complain again".

Or pull him out of the after school program and post Question 2 in a new thread.

 

[RV10flyer]

I never did well with the ladies but most of my friends were girls that thought i was funny.

It seems you did FINE with Mrs 6PC.

 

[FormerHangie]

In hindsight, I probably could have taken a lot of the jerks on back then and even gotten with the girls but at the time you don't realize you aren't a looser when someone tells you that you are..

This is most of it. If you have a group of friends and some support at home, being bullied is unpleasant but it doesn't become part of you. If you're mostly socially solated and your family support is little to none, that's where the suicides start happening.

There's all different levels of being bullied.

As far as those who always thing that getting into a fistfight is the way to deal with a bully, I'm guessing they had a decent shot at making the bully hurt. If you're giving up 50 pounds and a few inches of reach to your tormentor, you figure out other ways to defuse the situation. Making everyone in earshot laugh works very well, much better than bruising the bully's fist with your face.

 

[Matthew]

School are interesting in how the

This is most of it. If you have a group of friends and some support at home, being bullied is unpleasant but it doesn't become part of you. If you're mostly socially solated and your family support is little to none, that's where the suicides start happening.

There's all different levels of being bullied.

As far as those who always thing that getting into a fistfight is the way to deal with a bully, I'm guessing they had a decent shot at making the bully hurt. If you're giving up 50 pounds and a few inches of reach to your tormentor, you figure out other ways to defuse the situation. Making everyone in earshot laugh works very well, much better than bruising the bully's fist with your face.

Yeah, it's important that the kid being bullied understand that the bully is the one that's the jerk and that it isn't his own fault.

If you want to see something that really hurts, watch the PBS show called "Bully":

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/films/bully/

 

[denverpilot]

I reached out to the TKD instructor who is a serious badass. I mean this guy reeks of confidence and is the spitting image of James Hetfield.

Rex-Kwan-Do? ;-)

 

[James331]

Lol you guys are ridicolus!

It's like ranging between making this kid a MMA fighter to making a mental breakdown of the bully culture

All he needs to do is simply punch this kid in the face as hard as he can, that's it, and if the kid still comes at him, rinse and repeat, even if he looses the fight, he'll still fix this issue.

 

[James_Dean]

I hate giving this advice, but document the hell out of this situation. Request a meeting with the superintendent of the school and bring an attorney along. Tell them your child is getting bullied and you want to know what the system is going to do about it and "meetings" ain't going to cut it. Make it clear that if violence happens to your son again you will be pursuing your options to the full extent of the law.

https://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/texas.html

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/ED/htm/ED.37.htm#37.0832

BTW, you son is protected under this statute from discipline if he does decide to defend himself.

Eggman
Whose kids are 14, 12, 10, 8 and 6 and feels your pain.

 

[hankrausch]

I tried to read all the responses to this, and if I missed one that makes the following point, sorry!
All the suggestions I read are what I would call the "head on" approach--either confronting the bullies or confronting the school directly.
Here is another your son might try--take a tip from the animal kingdom, there is no single specimen that can take on ALL the other animals, no matter how big or burly. Sooner or later they will lose a fight, and if their first instinct is to confront directly, they will not survive long enough to pass on their genes. So individuals rely on misdirection, camouflage, or making themselves look bigger or meaner so they can avoid a fight.First off, bullies are not that smart, usually, and it not too hard to outwit or avoid them. I was subjected to bussing in the the early 70s in San Francisco and had to learn these skills quickly, literally, to survive. They snatched his backpack? Find a way to not have to carry the backpack when he is he danger zone. Want to meet after school for a fight? agree, be no where near there at the designated time. A certain rubber mat is considered the "wrestling mat" and they assume you want to wrestle if you pass near it? Find another way around. Lie, if he can do it convincingly. (See that surveillance camera there?) Run, when the occasion calls for it. If confronted, defuse a tense situation with a joke or misdirection. Stay away from the bullies or make sure there are adults/witnesses around. I realize this does not sound John Wayne and macho, but (as I always taught my kids), when you are in any situation, ask yourself what is goal? Is your goal really to get in a fight or is it to study? I think that when many people are confronted, they "think" with their lizard brains and if they just took 10 seconds to reason things out, they would not get into trouble. Look at all the people who get locked up for road rage incidents or fight about a reclining seat on a plane--did they really wake up that morning and say "I want to be arrested for lipping off to a police officer!" or were they trying to go to work and lost heir head when confronted?

 

[masloki]

Did read most of them but only one really hit the point that I think is worth emphasizing. You have to work with your son on how he wants to work through this. Clowning around, sure, but is that right for him? One serious blowup, but ditto? The only way I know to work through it, with him, is role playing. Do it many times until he finds something he is confident he can do.

What is question two?

 

[Rushie]

I'm not a dad, I am a mom. But for what it's worth, here's my 2 cents. If your son doesn't get in with a group of friends at that school, you need to find another environment for him. It may or may not be private school. It might be home school. Spending six to eight hours a day, year after year, among people who are not your "in" group is torture. For those children on the fringes of the bell curve - whatever curve we're talking about: intelligence, sensitivity, physical stature, hobbies and interests, etc. - they are unable to find peers in this warehouse called "primary school". It's a nightmare for such kids.

 

[Cavorter]

OP: If your goto place for advice on issues like this is Pilots of America, then I am seriously scared for you and your kids...

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

So we met w/ the director of the program and learned that our son is one of many this kid has hit.
The kid actually hit a teacher. The school called the kid's dad in and dad said "Well that teacher sort of resembles my older daughter and they never get along so I can see why he would do that" So he is being raised by an idiot.

This kid and 2 others are apparently problems to a lot of other kids and a lot of other parents have brought it to the school's attention. The school has told the parents of all three that the kids will be removed from the program if there is another incident. That's good I guess. We still have to work on some things that fall into the "how not to be a target" category.

 

[SixPapaCharlie]

OP: If your goto place for advice on issues like this is Pilots of America, then I am seriously scared for you and your kids...

Most pilots are men.
Most pilots are old enough to have raised children.

Seems like a valid pool of experience from which to draw information.

School, Son's mentors, and my peers. I feel I hit all the key spots.
Mom is a Psychologist and wife is an LPC. Both also consulted.

People come here asking for actual medical and legal advice.
Only thing I don't get is folks coming here for flying advice

 

[Clark1961]

So we met w/ the director of the program and learned that our son is one of many this kid has hit.
The kid actually hit a teacher. The school called the kid's dad in and dad said "Well that teacher sort of resembles my older daughter and they never get along so I can see why he would do that" So he is being raised by an idiot.

This kid and 2 others are apparently problems to a lot of other kids and a lot of other parents have brought it to the school's attention. The school has told the parents of all three that the kids will be removed from the program if there is another incident. That's good I guess. We still have to work on some things that fall into the "how not to be a target" category.

Multiple incidents and they need one more to remove them? That is exceptionally poor administration.

 

[Jay Honeck]

This issue caused us a lot of angst when our son was in grade school. Joe was a natural target for bullies, due to his size and personality, and it caused him (and us) endless grief through junior high school.

We kept trying different things. Modifying his behavior would help for a while. Talking to the parents would help for a while. Working with the teachers, Cub, and Boy Scout leaders would help for a while.

The trouble with school bullying is that it warps your child -- and the children around your child. Once they become targets, they STAY targets, and the peanut gallery at school comes to expect it. They treat the bullied child differently, seemingly forever, which, of course, eggs the bullies on -- and it continues no matter what your boy does or does not do.

Two things eventually helped. After too many years, I got Joe out of Scouting and into Civil Air Patrol -- something NONE of the other local kids were doing. The problem with Scouts is that the troop was closely connected to the school, where -- duh! -- the bullying was already happening. Getting Joe into scouting was like extending the bullying into the evening hours, which was not good for him at all.

Civil Air Patrol allowed him to make NEW friends, and introduced him to the aura of military discipline -- a place where fairness and honor were real. This eventually got him into ROTC at the University of Iowa, and a career as an Army officer.

Secondly, he got into wrestling. In Iowa, wrestling was like football is in Texas -- HUGE. We were in Iowa City -- the absolute epicenter of wrestling -- and the coaches were tough, disciplined, and excellent. To help, he and I started weight lifting, and (with the requisite dose of teenage testosterone) he quickly morphed into someone who NO ONE in their right mind would bully. (He can still pick me up with one arm, and his mother up with the other!)

So, not much advice here -- but hopefully I am giving you a badly needed dose of confidence and hope for the future. Here is a picture of my son, taken with Mary and me at Ft. Hood a few days ago, now an officer and gentleman with a wife of his own and a newly purchased home. As you can see, he is a fine young man with a bright future. He is self confident, scary-smart, well spoken, and happy.

You (and he) WILL get through this, and these formative years will soon be a fleeting memory that you will miss in ways that you cannot imagine.

 

[denverpilot]

OP: If your goto place for advice on issues like this is Pilots of America, then I am seriously scared for you and your kids...

Why?

So we met w/ the director of the program and learned that our son is one of many this kid has hit.
The kid actually hit a teacher. The school called the kid's dad in and dad said "Well that teacher sort of resembles my older daughter and they never get along so I can see why he would do that" So he is being raised by an idiot.

This kid and 2 others are apparently problems to a lot of other kids and a lot of other parents have brought it to the school's attention. The school has told the parents of all three that the kids will be removed from the program if there is another incident. That's good I guess. We still have to work on some things that fall into the "how not to be a target" category.

I'd have said, "If the kid was a known problem, to the point of attacking adults, why were they allowed in this program in the first place? And why exactly is the kid getting a tenth chance?"

They're making excuses to three different sets of parents already, and your kid is the fourth, and they're still saying, "*If* there's another incident?"

Tell them enough is enough. They gave you enough rope to hang them very high with either a lawyer or the Press. The kid needs to go. Four incidents and an attack on an adult is plenty of incidents to take action against.

 

[PaulMKE]

@SixPapaCharlie timely essay today, possibly for Mrs.6PC but still relevant:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.../modern-love-when-a-mom-bullies-back.amp.html

 

[Ted]

Tell them enough is enough. They gave you enough rope to hang them very high with either a lawyer or the Press. The kid needs to go. Four incidents and an attack on an adult is plenty of incidents to take action against.

This. The school's answer is BS to say he will be removed on the next incident.

 

[Ravioli]

This thread brought me to tears because of my regard for Bryan and his family.

I went through this as a kid with the brother of my good friend bullying me. Since our parents knew each other from church I asked the kids mother to talk to him about it and it stopped.

In high school it was more verbal attacks from the cool kids. Usually in a pack. One on one I'd tell them that the rumor or label was unfounded and it slowly dissipated... Probably because they found a different target.

 

[Cavorter]

Why?

Why? Because this is an aviation forum and the vast majority of those giving their "expert" opinion (including you) are not really qualified. OP is free to do whatever he wants. I still maintain my opinion that I am concerned for him and his kids if this is his goto place for advice of this nature.

 

[denverpilot]

Why? Because this is an aviation forum and the vast majority of those giving their "expert" opinion (including you) are not really qualified. OP is free to do whatever he wants. I still maintain my opinion that I am concerned for him and his kids if this is his goto place for advice of this nature.

LOL. Ok. Drama much?

I'm going to guess the vast majority of us grew up with parents who didn't even have an Internet forum of peers to interact with. They probably got their parenting advice from family, and Billy Bob at Bingo night at the Moose Lodge.

I dare say he's doing a lot better asking here, in 2017, than my folks had for resources. Or my grandfolks. And we all turned out fine...

Every little thing asked anywhere doesn't need to be asked of an "expert", and let's just count up all the times we see "experts" have been wrong, if we're going to get all that serious about it.

What forum would you suggest he ask where "experts" work for free, and what is the scenario you see unfolding that requires said "expert" if you're suggesting he pay for their expertise?

To be fair, I've hinted he pay a lawyer to write a nastygram about the repeated behavior of the dumbass bully kid not being dealt with by the adults who are supposed to deal with such things, but only a hint.

You're concerned and overly dramatic that he needs an "expert"?

Let's get serious about your concerns then, who, and from where. Let's hear the specifics. I'm open to listening to it, but I suspect you're just having a knee jerk reaction to a forum post where Bryan knows very well that he *might* need an expert to go straighten out -- ooh, get this irony -- the supposed teaching experts who started a special non-school after-hours program and are running the tiny-monkey farm.

You know, the "experts" who aren't doing their jobs and should have tossed the other kid at four incidents and an attack on an adult, and are literally the enablers of the bad behavior, now that we know they're not willing to act after five incidents?

I'd say we can clearly see how well the "experts" are doing. Shall they just wait for attack number six?

 

[Salty]

So we met w/ the director of the program and learned that our son is one of many this kid has hit.
The kid actually hit a teacher. The school called the kid's dad in and dad said "Well that teacher sort of resembles my older daughter and they never get along so I can see why he would do that" So he is being raised by an idiot.

This kid and 2 others are apparently problems to a lot of other kids and a lot of other parents have brought it to the school's attention. The school has told the parents of all three that the kids will be removed from the program if there is another incident. That's good I guess. We still have to work on some things that fall into the "how not to be a target" category.

Oh ok. They are willing to allow multiple assaults including to an adult authority figure, but I'm sure "the next time" they'll actually do something. Sorry, that's bs.