Confidence Tips

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deleted_12_1_2024

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Hello, aviators! May I ask for your assistance? I am a student pilot. I have less than 10 hours. I love flying. Touch and go landings are the "funnest" thing in the world!!! Nothing scares me - except talking on the radio, but I'm not scared of landings or stalls or even crashes. I also am a very focused person. Ever since I was very very little, I have been an over achiever. I always get straight A's. I always succeed at my goals because I put in the required work. So, you would think that I would be confident - but I'm not. I'm not confident at all. Oh, I know that I will get my license. I will do it. No question. But that's because my SELF DRIVE over-rides everything else. I don't actually believe in myself. Even worse, if someone says I do a "good job" it does not mean anything to me. I just work hard and meet goals. But I would like to change that. May I ask if anyone has tips for me? I am extremely confident, and also not confident at the same time, and I would like to have self assurance rather than simply meeting goals and being told I'm doing a "good job".... which doesn't mean anything, because I always do a "good job" because I was raised to do my very best and use criticism to be better. I hope this makes sense, and I appreciate your tips as I approach my first solo. Thank you.
 
Counseling and mentorship.

And I'm not trying to be mean or dismissive, I promise. Impossible to tell online, but the tone of your post suggests that you're quite young and that you've spent the majority of your academic time so far being told how smart and amazing you are. Many of us have been there. There are some very high achievers floating around on this board. The funny thing about constantly being praised for "straight-A's" and being an "over-achiever" is that it can become the basis of your sense of self-esteem. Instead of failure becoming an opportunity to learn and grow, it becomes an attack on your sense of self. It creates a weird situation in which there exists a fragile external confidence that covers up a deep insecurity. Your worth is not the sum of your achievements and successes, nor is it lowered by stumbles along the way. "Extreme confidence" is potentially pathological and often ends badly in aviation. Aircraft are not forgiving of indecision or incapacity, and no excessive GPA or external validation will help you fly safely.

I suggest you ask yourself first why you want to fly. Is it that you love aviation, that you were pushed, that it seems lucrative, or is it because people say "wow" when you tell them what you're doing? Do you approach the plane with appropriate respect? I work with the greatest fighter pilots on the planet in the most advanced aircraft in existence, and I can tell you first-hand that "true confessions" are a thing where everyone sits in a group and discusses all the ways they screwed up and could have been better. Be like those guys. Real aviator confidence is quiet, self-contained, and doesn't require the accolades of others, nor that you measure your progress against others. It comes from experience and slowly accrued mastery of the art and science of flight.

Find the oldest guys on the field and listen to them. Every time you're tempted to open your mouth about your plans, goals, and achievements, zip it and let them talk. You may be surprised at what you learn. And you should be afraid of crashes. Only a fool isn't afraid of crashing an aircraft. Don't be a fool.

Good luck.
 
Welcome to the forum!

Talking on the radio is fun. That said, I know plenty of pilots who have flubbed a radio call. Don’t sweat it. There are lots of YouTube channels where folks are just fly between airports where you’ll gain a better feel for what to expect. Big thing is just don’t worry if you flub a call, just reset and say it again.
 
I too am focused, attempt to do my best, and achieve my goals but I also find that from time to time I hose things up, make mistakes, stumble and fall. Welcome to life on planet earth ... it ain't a perfect world! :dunno:
 
Ice said:
Hello, aviators! May I ask for your assistance? I am a student pilot. I have less than 10 hours. I love flying. Touch and go landings are the "funnest" thing in the world!!! Nothing scares me - except talking on the radio, but I'm not scared of landings or stalls or even crashes. I also am a very focused person. Ever since I was very very little, I have been an over achiever. I always get straight A's. I always succeed at my goals because I put in the required work. So, you would think that I would be confident - but I'm not. I'm not confident at all. Oh, I know that I will get my license. I will do it. No question. But that's because my SELF DRIVE over-rides everything else. I don't actually believe in myself. Even worse, if someone says I do a "good job" it does not mean anything to me. I just work hard and meet goals. But I would like to change that. May I ask if anyone has tips for me? I am extremely confident, and also not confident at the same time, and I would like to have self assurance rather than simply meeting goals and being told I'm doing a "good job".... which doesn't mean anything, because I always do a "good job" because I was raised to do my very best and use criticism to be better. I hope this makes sense, and I appreciate your tips as I approach my first solo. Thank you.
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I was an over-achiever myself and basically sleepwalked through a college degree and brief career as a programmer. None of that meant much to me since like I said, I basically sleepwalked through it. Going through pilot training and passing my checkride was probably one of the first times in my life I really felt accomplished because I actually had to work for it. Becoming a pilot is a mental AND physical challenge and it forces you to put those things together in a way I don't think many other things do and that's a lot of why it's so fun and satisfying. When your CFI signs you off to solo(if he hasn't yet) he's putting his credentials on the line to say he thinks you can safely handle an airplane. When he sends you off to the examiner eventually and you pass both your CFI and the examiner are doing the same thing again. That's more than just empty words and I hope you take some personal pride in that.

Now, that said I am an instrument rated pilot who's been flying for more than a decade and I have hundreds of hours in my logs. I still screw up something almost every flight. I still learn things I feel like I should have known all along now and then. It happens, we're human and there's so much to aviation you never really stop learning new things. I would also point out that people orders of magnitude more experienced and skilled than me have crashed airplanes because of stupid mistakes or bad decisions. A little humility and respect for the potential danger of what you're doing are good things... you want to stay on your toes just don't let it lead to decision paralysis.

Likewise when you're on the radio remember you're talking to fellow flawed humans. I have heard some DUMB stuff on the radio and I've also said some dumb stuff on the radio. Just one example is during instrument training my CFII would simulate calls from ATC that I was just supposed to reply to and out of habit I pressed the transmit button and actually replied to my instructor in the right seat over the CTAF. Listen long enough and you'll hear ATC mess up their radio calls, give the wrong instructions, or give stupid instructions too. ATC is just a person who's job is actually to help you not punish you for errors. It's best to use the normal phraseology but when in doubt just tell them what you need/ask them what you're not sure about in plain langauge. If there's a nice sleepy class D airport near you see if you can go spend some time doing touch and gos there and just get used to talking to the controller. A lot of those small towered fields don't have a lot of traffic and you can find a bored controller who will basically clear you to do almost anything you want wtihin reason. Do it for a while and talking to them just becomes a comfortable habit.
 
Thank you all. This is helpful. I really appreciate those who took the time to offer their feedback.
(To clarify, I am going for a private pilot license, because I am passionate about it. This is a 100% personal goal because I love to fly. Nobody is making me do this, and this is one of the few things that I actually genuinely want because it matters to me - it's not coming from my parents or my school. This is my own dream. I am EXTREMELY focused and aware of hazards and very diligent about safety, I'm just not cowering in fear of crashes. Many of my textbooks say that beginning students are terrifed of landings, and I'm not experiencing that. I am terrified of talking on the radio. To everyone who addressed radio comms, thank you very much - that does help to hear your feedback!!)
 
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A few years ago, a pilot friend asked if I would fly to Middleton, Wisconsin with him. It is a suburb of Madison. He said, "Do we have to talk to Madison Approach?" I told him no, not required if we stay out of the Class C, but "why wouldn't we?"

"I don't want to sound stupid," he replied.

I told him, "Larry, they have heard every kind of stupid there is. You are not going to impress anyone."

Here is the key: Think what you are going to say. Say it out loud without keying the mic. Then press the button, say what you just rehearsed, and release the button. Don't worry if you missed something or messed up something. If ATC or another pilot wants clarification, they will ask you. And don't worry about sounding stupid, we have heard every kind of stupid there is. If you are unsure of what to say, review AIM Section 2 "Radio Communications Phraseology and Techniques."
 
AvNavCom said:
Real aviator confidence is quiet, self-contained, and doesn't require the accolades of others, nor that you measure your progress against others. It comes from experience and slowly accrued mastery of the art and science of flight.
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:yeahthat:

Eloquent advice to a striving student. My paraphrase is 'keep doing it until you get the hang of it."
 
Piperonca said:
Eloquent advice to a striving student. My paraphrase is 'keep doing it until you get the hang of it."
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As the coach would say, "don't practice until you get it right ... practice until you don't get it wrong!" ;)
 
Bummer. After all that sage advice, OP went and crashed anyway :eek:
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
I told him, "Larry, they have heard every kind of stupid there is. You are not going to impress anyone."
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I have to admit, I was really hoping there would be an anecdote that Larry actually did impress Madison Apch with a radio flub.
 
morleyz said:
I have to admit, I was really hoping there would be an anecdote that Larry actually did impress Madison Apch with a radio flub.
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"N12345, Madison Approach. That was a new type of stupid and you should know that we're all proud of you here. Squawk VFR. Frequency change approved."
 
As I routinely tell many a STEM undergraduate student (and athletes I coach in curling), "confidence comes from mastery, not the other way around." My other favorite, which comes from my ski instructor spouse, "if you are not falling, you are not learning." In science and in life, failure is expected, but not learning from it is optional. Practice and repetition is essential. The things you are worst at are things you need to practice most. Nobody is perfect. In flying, the idea is to keep little mistakes from snowballing into dire ones.

Flying is not particularly hard (although it's not easy, either), but can be very unforgiving. Overconfidence and complacency can kill. Through practice and repetition of proper skills, you will gain confidence and good decision-making skills while not being complacent. It will take more than 10 or even 100 hours. I was thrilled as a young adult to discover I could finally afford to learn to fly, a lifetime dream. 40 years later, I'm still learning.
 
The AI bot has punched out, but this Confidence Tips is a really good thread.
 
Ejection handle pulled and changed name to deleted user?? What’s the gossip on this?

Yes talking on the radio needs practice. Take your time.
 
mandm said:
Ejection handle pulled and changed name to deleted user?? What’s the gossip on this?

Yes talking on the radio needs practice. Take your time.
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Yeah, I genuinely don't know what went down here. Clearly I missed something important.
 
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