Add to this story There I was at 13,000' - one engine feathered . . .

Arnold

Arnold

Cleared for Takeoff
Joined
Mar 8, 2005
Messages
1,483
Location
Philadelphia Area
Display Name
Display name:
Arnold
the other at max continuous, over the North Sea drifting down at 2,000 feet per minute.

Add to the story, see where it goes. But you can't make me crash -- I hate it when that happens.
 
....and there I was, thinking, "I'll never get over Macho Grande"......
 
she asked how long I had, "I said 6-1/2..."

(13,000/2 is 6.5)
 
Then I woke up.
 
And said, "Damn, shouldn't have hit that chicken..."
 
...just as a flight attendant stopped by my seat in row 32.
"Are you all right?" he asked. "Because we've got a bit of an issue up front, and according to our passenger records, you are a pilot..."
 
... Then I said, "Why yes. I am a Pilot." Showed her my private pilot certificate that I always carry with me. I wonder how she really knew if I was a pilot. Was it the fact that I was listening to music over bluetooth on my Lightspeed Zulus? Or was it because I had ForeFlight open throughout the flight? Or was it the copy of AOPA Pilot I was reading? Or, most likely, it was because I had already told the air crew and all passengers within earshot that I was a Pilot...
 
... Since I had recently downloaded MSFS 2020 and had been playing it constantly in my parents' basement (where I lived), I knew I was fully proficient to take the left seat and guide the A320 safely through the rest of its flightplan on to the destination. Never mind that I was only a 94 hour 172 pilot who had never actually flown anything with more than a carbureted 160 HP engine. I was confident I could put the twin turbojet down between the stripes.
 
Then I made a slight turn and lined up on the north-south runway at Swinoujscie, Poland. I had been there years earlier during a joint military exercise. The airport is called Solidarity and that's what I want to be with the ground right now.
 
... Thank god I had just watched the Sully movie. "My airplane!" I said firmly, but calmly to the FO as I gripped the sidestick. I knew we would be ok even as I watched both engines spooling down due to the ingestion of an entire flock of geese.
 
... then the stew came in and asked if I'd had the chicken or the fish...
 
Remembering I had brought a bag of White Castles for dinner, I calmly let out a huge belch and returned to the task at hand...
 
It was then that I decided I should let ATC know what was going on, so I dialed up 121.5 and made my call. After 6 people told me to get off guard, ATC replied and put me on hold. The hold music, of course, was a choir singing "Nearer My God to Thee."
 
which I could barely hear due to all of the meowing
 
kyleb said:
If she could see his big 'ol



pilot watch.
Click to expand...


"Roger," I said.

"Okay, Roger," she said, "Could I see your big ol' pilot watch?"

"Certainly," I replied. "This is a Rochefoucauld, the thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water-resistant to three atmospheres. It tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad. I bought it in a pawn shop for $50.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't have an E6B function, and I could really use one right about now."

"Sorry," she apologized, "but I've never heard of E6B. Is that in the Kama Sutra? Maybe you could teach me."
 
Suddenly we broke out of the clouds... in a 60 degree bank
 
A low rumble deep within my bowels reminded me that after the White Castle, I had snagged a bean burrito from the Taco Bell in the terminal. I no longer could hear the FA admiring my watch, and began to feel 14 of my 31 feet of intestine processing what was about to be the largest gas release, further exacerbated by expansion due to high altitude ... things were about to blow ....
 
Bob Noel said:
Suddenly we broke out of the clouds... in a 60 degree bank
Click to expand...

"I got this..." I said even though we were obviously not stabilized and probably below minimums. I took the time to adjust my six GoPros, made some lame jokes and proceeded to almost stall even though I was descending at 2000 fpm to the runway at an angle clearly at full deflection. I just couldn't wait for PoA to post 1,302 comments about my latest, danger-laden YouTube video.
 
Deelee said:
"I got this..." I said even though we were obviously not stabilized and probably below minimums. I took the time to adjust my six GoPros, made some lame jokes and proceeded to almost stall even though I was descending at 2000 fpm to the runway at an angle clearly at full deflection. I just couldn't wait for PoA to post 1,302 comments about my latest, danger-laden YouTube video.
Click to expand...

Just then, Gulfstream Girl popped up from between the..um.. rudder pedals and commenced "helping" with more effort than ever before.
 
Half Fast said:
"Roger," I said.

"Okay, Roger," she said, "Could I see your big ol' pilot watch?"

"Certainly," I replied. "This is a Rochefoucauld, the thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water-resistant to three atmospheres. It tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad. I bought it in a pawn shop for $50.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't have an E6B function, and I could really use one right about now."

"Sorry," she apologized, "but I've never heard of E6B. Is that in the Kama Sutra? Maybe you could teach me."
Click to expand...
I’ve seen that movie so many times I knew that word for word.
 
Salty said:
I’ve seen that movie so many times I knew that word for word.
Click to expand...

But Shirley that knowledge was useless to solving the problem of the increasing descent rate with one engine feathered and the other filled with seared goose feathers...
 
Last edited:
And realized I had forgotten to report a dr visit for a stubbed toe on my medical in 1992...
 
What the hell was that? The running engine just made a funny sound.
 
I knew I was in trouble and decided to tell the truth .... yes ... I am a pilot but I only fly helicopters , please tell me what this steering wheel thing is for
 
Then I realized that, as a helicopter pilot, logged time doesn’t matter to me any more than the laws of aerodynamics.
 
But I kept wondering why I left my epaulets at home.
 
I kicked the jet into a flat spin. With the wings moving like I was used to, I felt more at ease. Judging from the screams coming through the cockpit door, it didn’t sound like the passengers agreed, but they’re not in charge, so...
 
With the jet in a flat spin, I realized we were headed out to sea.

I considered bailing out, but remembered what happened to my friend Goose the last time I did that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top