You can choose to join him, it's just emotion standing in the way.
A Wife's Questions
- Thread starter Becky
- Start date
Jim Logajan
En-Route
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2008
- Messages
- 4,024
- Display Name
Display name:
.
In her very first post she stated:
"buying a plane has been mentioned!!!"
She mentioned 20 hours a year only in regards to safety. He had been flying at that rate for the last 8 years, and since that hasn't been much of an issue in all that time, I don't see why so many posters are seeing a problem where there wasn't one mentioned, but miss the concern she has about changes that will affect their future.
She doesn't enjoy flying despite efforts to do so.
He appears to want to increase the amount of flying he does, or at least the amount of financial involvement. Absent clarification or correction from Becky, this difference in future expectations appears to me to be the cause of her concerns.
EDIT: I was still composing the above when Becky posted. Glad I got some of the essentials correct!
Last edited:
Yep, and it will be the cause of her divorce.
kimberlyanne546
Final Approach
Becky,
In response to this:
( 1 ) you would not have taken the time to reach out to us pilots unless you really did care about your husband.
( 2 ) it also says a lot you chose us. This means you wanted to approach things from a pilot perspective.
I hope I wasn't harsh. I wish you good luck.
Jaybird180
Final Approach
I know why he won't talk with her.
It's all the damn $20 words she uses! C'mon Becky, I thought an Albatross was only a bird. You made me look that up....and syncope ....I was thinking music! Does he need a dictionary to talk to you?
It's all the damn $20 words she uses! C'mon Becky, I thought an Albatross was only a bird. You made me look that up....and syncope ....I was thinking music! Does he need a dictionary to talk to you?
I know why he won't talk with her.
It's all the damn $20 words she uses! C'mon Becky, I thought an Albatross was only a bird. You made me look that up....and syncope ....I was thinking music! Does he need a dictionary to talk to you?
...I am still trying to digest the hippopotomus thingie..
ebetancourt
Line Up and Wait
Pass out from stress? I wouldn't go flying with him either. If true this thread would be a lot shorter if that was in the first post.
RV10flyer
Pattern Altitude
40%-50% of the population have had at least one episode of syncope(fainting for us neanderthals). Most have a definite identified trigger, which sounds like your husbands is "blood"(like my wife). So no slitting your wrist while flying. Fainting last for 1-2 minutes. My wife drives our kids around everyday and I don't give it a second thought. Good for any wife to take the pinch hitter course. My wife works full time with two school age children and it tickles her to death to have a few hours alone once in awhile. You may want to do some things to make yourself less dependent on him like hobbies, school, work.
spiderweb
Final Approach
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2005
- Messages
- 9,488
- Display Name
Display name:
Ben
Not having read through all responses, I may be duplicating.
You've taken Pinch Hitter courses. Have you considered flight lessons? Your goal does not have to be getting a cert, it could be something less demanding while still challenging and fun, such as getting to the point where you solo the airplane. Perhaps go a bit further and learn navigation and do a few cross-countries.
You'll feel more "in the know," and I bet you'll start to have fun.
Another question: 20 - 30 hours a year NOW, but how about before that?
I ask, because sometimes pilots have their first few years seeing 150-200 hours per year. Though you won't be as sharp at 20-30 per year after a long period of years with more flying, you WILL retain more. Couple that with a modicum of caution and a realistic approach to flying, and he should be fine.
The next question is, does he have an Instrument Rating, and does he remain current?
You've taken Pinch Hitter courses. Have you considered flight lessons? Your goal does not have to be getting a cert, it could be something less demanding while still challenging and fun, such as getting to the point where you solo the airplane. Perhaps go a bit further and learn navigation and do a few cross-countries.
You'll feel more "in the know," and I bet you'll start to have fun.
Another question: 20 - 30 hours a year NOW, but how about before that?
I ask, because sometimes pilots have their first few years seeing 150-200 hours per year. Though you won't be as sharp at 20-30 per year after a long period of years with more flying, you WILL retain more. Couple that with a modicum of caution and a realistic approach to flying, and he should be fine.
The next question is, does he have an Instrument Rating, and does he remain current?
She's too afraid to even get in the airplane, at least my ex-wife got in and took the flight and I compromised on altitude to make it bearable for her. If I had of known I was gonna fly between the trees the whole trip I wouldn't have bothered to climb in the first place lol. It wasn't the flying she was afraid of, it was the altitude.
Dave Krall CFII
Final Approach
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2005
- Messages
- 5,022
- Location
- Seattle WA
- Display Name
Display name:
Dave Krall CFII SEL SES, Cmcl HELI
20-30 hr/year is not really the issue, it's the quality of the hours that makes up the whole aviation experience including the safety facet. His flight proceedures have long ago been learned, tested and passed, then repassed each BFR so, the pilot is just flying when and where he wants to -very common actually.
It is typical for higher time pilots, both in recent time and/or total time, to be faster at flight tasks and doing certain other things that don't necessarily contribute to safety. It is not a bad thing that they can do those things superfast due to high levels of currency but, it doesn't automatically increase safety levels.
True and sustainable flight safety is a composite of skill and judgement that is attained only partially due to numbers of hours recently flown.
It is typical for higher time pilots, both in recent time and/or total time, to be faster at flight tasks and doing certain other things that don't necessarily contribute to safety. It is not a bad thing that they can do those things superfast due to high levels of currency but, it doesn't automatically increase safety levels.
True and sustainable flight safety is a composite of skill and judgement that is attained only partially due to numbers of hours recently flown.
RV10flyer
Pattern Altitude
With high fuel prices, airspace rules, hangar rent, airplane rentals, maintenance and repair cost forcing many of us out of the air...all I can say is I am one lucky guy. Seems I am not alone.
Becky
Line Up and Wait
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2012
- Messages
- 828
- Display Name
Display name:
Becky
Jim Logajan has listened to me on this thread more carefully and responded more thoughtfully to me about this subject than my husband has. On every other subject, my husband and I can converse endlessly and pleasantly.
What would I like to hear my husband say? Maybe something like, "Yes, I understand that missing out on trips with me would be hard for you" would get things started.
We're not wealthy. But I value time with my husband more than money.
Syncope is a sudden loss of consciousness caused by a drop in blood pressure. My husband's first episode wasn't triggered by seeing blood, just by someone describing injuries. It's quite spectacular to see someone collapse in this fashion, and he is lucky he didn't injure himself. He came to in a couple of minutes, but it was half an hour or so before he could stand and walk. Yet even commercial pilots aren't disqualified for syncope. They have co-pilots.
I think I see, thanks to you all, where this is heading.
My husband won't be happy with 20-30 hours per year, ultimately. He will increase flying time, and probably buy a plane. His desire to fly will be greater than his consideration of my desire to minimize loss of time together. I will have to either leave, or accept it, like wives in some of the stories you've shared here. We will probably have no meaningful conversations about the subject.
Joining him in flying, and especially having to learn to fly and land in the event he has an LOC event in the air, sounds as appealing to me as a root canal. I was extremely uncomfortable on the flights I took with him, in fact increasingly so with each flight. Not because of anything he did. I hate being in the air. Same with the flight I took with an instructor. So.
It doesn't seem fair, but then life isn't fair, is it? We do what we can with what we have, I guess. Survivors are those who adjust to the new data. I have to let the past go and embrace what is here now. And what may come, even if it's a large, greedy, time-consuming mistress of a hobby I didn't ask for, plunked down into the middle of my life.
Thanks for your patience, Pilots of America.
What would I like to hear my husband say? Maybe something like, "Yes, I understand that missing out on trips with me would be hard for you" would get things started.
We're not wealthy. But I value time with my husband more than money.
Syncope is a sudden loss of consciousness caused by a drop in blood pressure. My husband's first episode wasn't triggered by seeing blood, just by someone describing injuries. It's quite spectacular to see someone collapse in this fashion, and he is lucky he didn't injure himself. He came to in a couple of minutes, but it was half an hour or so before he could stand and walk. Yet even commercial pilots aren't disqualified for syncope. They have co-pilots.
I think I see, thanks to you all, where this is heading.
My husband won't be happy with 20-30 hours per year, ultimately. He will increase flying time, and probably buy a plane. His desire to fly will be greater than his consideration of my desire to minimize loss of time together. I will have to either leave, or accept it, like wives in some of the stories you've shared here. We will probably have no meaningful conversations about the subject.
Joining him in flying, and especially having to learn to fly and land in the event he has an LOC event in the air, sounds as appealing to me as a root canal. I was extremely uncomfortable on the flights I took with him, in fact increasingly so with each flight. Not because of anything he did. I hate being in the air. Same with the flight I took with an instructor. So.
It doesn't seem fair, but then life isn't fair, is it? We do what we can with what we have, I guess. Survivors are those who adjust to the new data. I have to let the past go and embrace what is here now. And what may come, even if it's a large, greedy, time-consuming mistress of a hobby I didn't ask for, plunked down into the middle of my life.
Thanks for your patience, Pilots of America.
DC34ME
Pre-takeoff checklist
This has been a fascinating and insightful thread. My ex wife liked to fly with me, and wanted lessons, but never really made any effort beyond telling me such things. I tried to support her and accommodate her curiosities. Needless to say, in the end my airplane and time at the airport became an excuse she used for our failed relationship. I blamed my job, but whatever, it is all in the past now. Fast forward a few years, my future wife has grown up around this obsession and its unwavering call. She has a deep understanding of what I live for, and it is not a sacrifice or compromise. It is simply who I am. She is the main reason for me buying another airplane and helping me recover from my past experiences.
All I have to add, is just try to be supportive. We can not choose who we are, but we can choose who we are with. It sounds like you love your partner, and want to find a way to calm your insecurities. Like others have said, it could be worse. He at least does something badass with his free time.
All I have to add, is just try to be supportive. We can not choose who we are, but we can choose who we are with. It sounds like you love your partner, and want to find a way to calm your insecurities. Like others have said, it could be worse. He at least does something badass with his free time.
Joe_KansasCity
En-Route
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2008
- Messages
- 4,789
- Display Name
Display name:
Joe_KansasCity
There is hope for this nice lady....
Agreed. If all people approached problems/challenges like Becky, the world would be a better place. No matter how this situation turns out, I admire her for trying to sort through the matter in a way that includes facts and understanding rather than just emotion.
TMetzinger
Final Approach
Well, it sounds like you're preparing for the worst possible outcome. That's good in one way. But it's a bad idea to behave as if the worst has already happened. If you "punish" someone for future behavior that you are predicting but hasn't actually happened yet, then the reaction is to create the behavior - after all, the price has already been paid.
My biggest concern, and what I think is REALLY bothering you, is not the conflict, which can be summed up as "Love, why must you go where I cannot follow?". The problem is the lack of discussion about the conflict. Now, all we have is your "side" of the story as far as discussions go. I don't know what your spouse's perception of the discussion or lack thereof might be, so I can't support either one of you.
But, no matter what the issue is, if a marriage is to survive and thrive, there has to be good communication, even on, nay, especially on the difficult subjects. At least when those take place you will know where you stand and will have closure should the marriage end.
Best wishes,
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
I have failed to make clear that it is 20-30 or so hours/year now, but with definite possibility of buying a plane, either outright or shared ownership, with more hours flying, getting ready to fly, taking cross countries, going on weekends, etc. etc. Taking trips without me. Trips together have alway been one of the most wonderful things we share. The number of those trips will decrease, because a growing number (as he flies more) of them will be without me. Because I don't enjoy flying. Thanks to those of you who realize that discomfort in small planes (not so much in big ones!) is not always cureable. Thanks so much to those of you who've talked about your relationships and how you've made them work, around flying.
Yes, as he flies more he will try to accommodate me. I will try to accommodate him. Car trips will still be taken. But with a plane in the hangar, a nice day, a car trip ... he'll be nice and we'll drive, but the unspoken thing will still be there. We could have flown. If not for me.
No woman wants to be an albatross to a man she adores.
You have helped me understand that 20-30 hours a year can be done safely. I accept and appreciate that. But I know it's not going to stop there. He's just been bludgeoned ... er, ELECTED, president of the local EAA. Takeoffffffffffffff!!!! It's the thin end of the wedge or being gone more and more and more. Yes, I can find plenty to do and have many interests. But I'd rather spend more time with him than increasingly less.
As well, he has syncope, and I've seen him fall to the floor with a thud twice. Once while he was listening to someone describe an accident they were in, and once when getting blood drawn. Syncope can strike when you are stressed, such as suddenly getting bad news, etc. Or maybe, say, when an engine fails aloft? But he passes his medicals every time because guess what? The FAA thinks syncope is okay if you, like my husband, only have two episodes in 10 years. Having seen episodes 1 and 2, and knowing episode 3 is out there, I'd have to train to fly/land the plane myself to be safe. That is the last thing I'd want to do.
I seem to have presented myself here as a small person when in fact I try to be open minded, reasonable and loving. And maybe that will mean sucking up and acting like it's fine with me to say "bye" more and more and more as my husband's flying hobby grows. Ultimately it does come down to "is this marriage working for you?" And if not, what adjustments have to be made.
Honest, I do appreciate the comments ... and the humor. Gotta laugh at some things in life ... maybe this is one of 'em.
Now you are all over the map. You say you don't want to burden him, then you say you will suck it up and go flying with him. You are afraid of him spending too much time as an EAA president (just wait until he wants to build a $150,000 RV-10
) then you claim he has a medical condition that may lead him to collapse in the air at the controls even though the FAA says it's okay, yet you "adore" the man. 
As I suspected several days ago , this is a childish controlling exercise on your part. As your husband continues to grow as a man and a pilot, you are trying to hold him back on both counts for your selfish reasons. Time to let him go, but I suspect this too will turn into a control issue and you will fight to the bitter end.
Marriage should be a time limit contract like sports. You sign on for 3 years. After that you renegotiate a better deal, if not you are a free agent.
TMetzinger
Final Approach
Marriage should be a time limit contract like sports. You sign on for 3 years. After that you renegotiate a better deal, if not you are a free agent.
Or like an enlistment in the Military.
I actually think this would be a good idea. Only thing that gets tricky is when children come along.
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
Kids have a contract too.
Seriously! Just like the military enlistment contracts. 3-6 year contracts outlining responsibilities, code of conduct, "benifits"
, early out for health reasons. At the end of the term of enlistment / marriage contract you can re-up for additional benifits. Becky has not mentioned kids so I assume they have none.
Last edited:
Topper
Pre-takeoff checklist
Becky, it seems like you came to this board hoping to find people to side with you and you have your mind already made up and are unwilling to consider a different position.
I think that it is a fair for you to feel that since you do not enjoy this hobby that out of respect for you he should give it up. I would guess that wife's of guys that spend all kinds of money and evenings and weekends building and racing cars have similar feelings. I am sure I could come up with a long list of other hobbies.
If you could figure out how to enjoy flying it is something that you could do together. But I understand that it is something you may never be able to do.
I am not sure how to explain it, but for some of us, flying is something we have to do. We are called to it and if the only thing between us flying is a resentful wife, I can't imagine a good outcome for the marriage.
If my wife said it is me or flying, I honesty don't know what I would do. I think the fact hat I was given an ultimatum would be enough to cause a serious problem. But on he other hand I love my wife and would not want to do something that makes her so uncomfortable. Please try to find some middle ground so you do not put him in that position.
Jim
I think that it is a fair for you to feel that since you do not enjoy this hobby that out of respect for you he should give it up. I would guess that wife's of guys that spend all kinds of money and evenings and weekends building and racing cars have similar feelings. I am sure I could come up with a long list of other hobbies.
If you could figure out how to enjoy flying it is something that you could do together. But I understand that it is something you may never be able to do.
I am not sure how to explain it, but for some of us, flying is something we have to do. We are called to it and if the only thing between us flying is a resentful wife, I can't imagine a good outcome for the marriage.
If my wife said it is me or flying, I honesty don't know what I would do. I think the fact hat I was given an ultimatum would be enough to cause a serious problem. But on he other hand I love my wife and would not want to do something that makes her so uncomfortable. Please try to find some middle ground so you do not put him in that position.
Jim
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
Glad you kept your manhood and stood your ground. Life is better without someone bitching at you all the time.
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
Nicely put Jim.
If my wife ever said she wanted me to quit flying, building airplanes, or refused to fly with me she better have her bags in her hand. I cut her some slack as I didn't start flying until 10 years into our marriage, but as I have become more and more involved and started building airplanes she has become very supporting and enjoys helping in the shop if I need an extra hand.
Instead of crying about the time I am away flying she has taken up several projects and hobbies that I support. Wood working (she makes amazing things) gardening, raising flowers, running our business, helping raise 4.5 grandkids. The only thing that slowed us down was breast cancer. That self grounded me for a while, but we are cancer free and back on track. She is one tough chick, and I am a very lucky guy to have her and her support. I am a better man because of her.
BTW, Becky, my bride says I'm nuts for telling you to get divorced. That's why I love this woman, she is truly my better half.
Last edited:
lprellwitz
Pre-takeoff checklist
Just catching up on the board after being swamped at work for a few days....Interesting thread, and certainly some candidates for post of the year
Becky - you've gotten quite a bit of input from folks here, lots to absorb I know. In your last post, it sounds like you've finished your info-gathering stage, and I wish you the best with next steps; if you haven't finished, let me know, and I'd be happy to add my 'late-posting' perspective. For background: my husband and I are both pilots, we both post here; I actually got the flying bug first in the house. We've been married for 23 years, flying for the last 8, and are currently aircraft renters.
Leslie
Becky - you've gotten quite a bit of input from folks here, lots to absorb I know. In your last post, it sounds like you've finished your info-gathering stage, and I wish you the best with next steps; if you haven't finished, let me know, and I'd be happy to add my 'late-posting' perspective. For background: my husband and I are both pilots, we both post here; I actually got the flying bug first in the house. We've been married for 23 years, flying for the last 8, and are currently aircraft renters.
Leslie
TMetzinger
Final Approach
Just catching up on the board after being swamped at work for a few days....Interesting thread, and certainly some candidates for post of the year
Becky - you've gotten quite a bit of input from folks here, lots to absorb I know. In your last post, it sounds like you've finished your info-gathering stage, and I wish you the best with next steps; if you haven't finished, let me know, and I'd be happy to add my 'late-posting' perspective. For background: my husband and I are both pilots, we both post here; I actually got the flying bug first in the house. We've been married for 23 years, flying for the last 8, and are currently aircraft renters.
Leslie
And let me state that both Leslie and Grant are people whose counsel I value. Becky, you'd be wise to reach out to Leslie if you're still looking for insight.
ClimbnSink
Ejection Handle Pulled
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2007
- Messages
- 6,997
- Display Name
Display name:
Greg
Guys you dont think Becky found out the pilots secret? If words out among the wives about all the massage parlors and strip clubs tucked away on boondock airports we are all in trouble. They better keep thinking we spend all this money flying to eat pancakes somewhere else.
Everskyward
Experimenter
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2005
- Messages
- 33,453
- Display Name
Display name:
Everskyward
Are you sure this is about flying or is that just the catalyst? It's pretty common for couples to have the "growing apart" problem in midlife. I've had many friends divorce, even those I thought were in strong marriages.
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
Ahhhh, where do you fly out of?
I've often thought a topless plane wash would be a good thing during the summer. Would be pretty busy.
Topper
Pre-takeoff checklist
Becky,
I had one more thought. I have tried to find an example of the opposite hobby. The closest example in my life is that my wife went back to work. Our boys are are 10 now and she wanted to work again. She loves her job and I think it is more about the interaction with adults than anything else.
The truth is that I hate her working. Not because I am a male chauvinist pig and think her place is in the home, but it is inconvenient for me. I am self employed, work 60-80 hours a week and don't have the time to drop what I am in the midde of because one of the boys is sick, broke his braces, forgot his homework, etc. sometimes i am asked to quit early because there is no one available to watch the boys. From a financial point of view, it makes no sense for me to do those things so she can be at her job. She does a great job keeping up with the household demands, but not as well as when she was not working.
She does not know that I wish she was not working. Her job is important to her and I respect that. I have found other ways to solve my problems. I hired a gal to take care of the boys after school, we have a house keeping service, etc. My point is that your husband does not need to fly and my wife does not need to work. Because he work is important to her, it is important to me and I will support her even if it is not convenient for me. Also to the extent possible I will find solutions that work for both of us. I took the time to find the girl to watch our boys. I could have complained and made it her problem, after all she is the one that took a job that she did not need.
If your marriage Is as strong as you say iris, and the flying is not going to put an unreasonable amount of strain on your family budget, I think you need to figure out how to make it work. It hardly seems fair for the only option to be quitting flying.
I agree with the earlier post about seeing a doctor if you are physically uncomfortable. If on the other hand it is just something you dread and don't like doing, SUCK IT UP. I have been to musicals, parties, meusems, etc. that I did not want to go to and a couple of times made me physically uncomfortable (maybe that was my wife's elbow as I nodded off). If your husband is like me and most of the guys I know, he works hard and does not ask for much.
I do wish you he best of luck a figuring out how to make this work.
Jim
I had one more thought. I have tried to find an example of the opposite hobby. The closest example in my life is that my wife went back to work. Our boys are are 10 now and she wanted to work again. She loves her job and I think it is more about the interaction with adults than anything else.
The truth is that I hate her working. Not because I am a male chauvinist pig and think her place is in the home, but it is inconvenient for me. I am self employed, work 60-80 hours a week and don't have the time to drop what I am in the midde of because one of the boys is sick, broke his braces, forgot his homework, etc. sometimes i am asked to quit early because there is no one available to watch the boys. From a financial point of view, it makes no sense for me to do those things so she can be at her job. She does a great job keeping up with the household demands, but not as well as when she was not working.
She does not know that I wish she was not working. Her job is important to her and I respect that. I have found other ways to solve my problems. I hired a gal to take care of the boys after school, we have a house keeping service, etc. My point is that your husband does not need to fly and my wife does not need to work. Because he work is important to her, it is important to me and I will support her even if it is not convenient for me. Also to the extent possible I will find solutions that work for both of us. I took the time to find the girl to watch our boys. I could have complained and made it her problem, after all she is the one that took a job that she did not need.
If your marriage Is as strong as you say iris, and the flying is not going to put an unreasonable amount of strain on your family budget, I think you need to figure out how to make it work. It hardly seems fair for the only option to be quitting flying.
I agree with the earlier post about seeing a doctor if you are physically uncomfortable. If on the other hand it is just something you dread and don't like doing, SUCK IT UP. I have been to musicals, parties, meusems, etc. that I did not want to go to and a couple of times made me physically uncomfortable (maybe that was my wife's elbow as I nodded off). If your husband is like me and most of the guys I know, he works hard and does not ask for much.
I do wish you he best of luck a figuring out how to make this work.
Jim
RV10flyer
Pattern Altitude
Here is a post from my wife of 23 years to Becky:
My husband has been sharing this thread with me for my opinion...yes he usually asks my opinion on things...then makes his decisions based on what we both think, and what he really wants... as do I. Marriage is not a temporary commitment, it is, or should be a life long supportive relationship. Putting the other person's feelings first is part of it. There isn't room for selfishness.
That being said, I would never ask my husband to give up his flying. (He would never ask me to give up teaching though it takes me away late into the night many nights) He loves it, I live with it. I do not enjoy flying but I enjoy going places. That is our compromise. I also enjoy seeing him so happy since he has reached a life long dream. My getting on a pilot site to whine about his flying would embarrass him, and mentioning his "health" problems in hopes of getting him grounded would cause more problems than I care to go into.
I too suffer from fainting...lets call it what it is. My first episode was at 12 years old and I have had many, yet I teach children, drive a car, and have delivered two babies. Once you know your triggers, life is good. From what you have described, he and I share the same triggers, yet I am a certified red cross first aid instructor...I have had to leave the room during videos... You are using this minor problem as a cop-out. Do you ride in a car with this man? If so, then shut up about the fainting.
You truthfully sound like a woman who needs something in her life besides her husband. It is never good to wrap yourself so tightly around another person that you leave no room for anything else. At some point you will lose them...then what? If you love your husband, let him be happy, if he loves you he won't forget about you. However, if you refuse his joy in life due to your own insecurities you will lose him eventually.
Listen to these folks: get a job, get a hobbie, do something you enjoy and you wont miss him so much. You might even look forward to getting him out of the house once in a while.
Last word: Don't look for other poeple to make you happy, find happiness within yourself.
My husband has been sharing this thread with me for my opinion...yes he usually asks my opinion on things...then makes his decisions based on what we both think, and what he really wants... as do I. Marriage is not a temporary commitment, it is, or should be a life long supportive relationship. Putting the other person's feelings first is part of it. There isn't room for selfishness.
That being said, I would never ask my husband to give up his flying. (He would never ask me to give up teaching though it takes me away late into the night many nights) He loves it, I live with it. I do not enjoy flying but I enjoy going places. That is our compromise. I also enjoy seeing him so happy since he has reached a life long dream. My getting on a pilot site to whine about his flying would embarrass him, and mentioning his "health" problems in hopes of getting him grounded would cause more problems than I care to go into.
I too suffer from fainting...lets call it what it is. My first episode was at 12 years old and I have had many, yet I teach children, drive a car, and have delivered two babies. Once you know your triggers, life is good. From what you have described, he and I share the same triggers, yet I am a certified red cross first aid instructor...I have had to leave the room during videos... You are using this minor problem as a cop-out. Do you ride in a car with this man? If so, then shut up about the fainting.
You truthfully sound like a woman who needs something in her life besides her husband. It is never good to wrap yourself so tightly around another person that you leave no room for anything else. At some point you will lose them...then what? If you love your husband, let him be happy, if he loves you he won't forget about you. However, if you refuse his joy in life due to your own insecurities you will lose him eventually.
Listen to these folks: get a job, get a hobbie, do something you enjoy and you wont miss him so much. You might even look forward to getting him out of the house once in a while.
Last word: Don't look for other poeple to make you happy, find happiness within yourself.
Geico266
Touchdown! Greaser!
Does your wife have a sister? Becky's husband may be in the market.
You are a very lucky man, as am I. We both fly RV-10's and have supportive brides, life is good.
Last edited:
steingar
Taxi to Parking
Has anyone every met a pilot who wouldn't talk to anybody endlessly about airplanes, flying, or aviation? Just for reference, I haven't.
I suspect that most of these conversations contain reference to the OP's desire that her husband fly less or not at all. That's the only thing I can imagine making the husband dummy up about it. Like I said, relationship skills. It doesn't all work automatically.
Marauder
Cleared for Takeoff
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 1,463
- Display Name
Display name:
Marauder
Wow! Glad to see I am not the only one with a wife problem. Mine is just the opposite! She complains I don't fly enough and take her with me! When I make the call to drive because the weather is looking iffy, I swear I'm married to Jimmy Doolittle, "suck it up, you're instrument rated".
Being married is a series of give and takes. Mine is certainly giving me more than I can take when it comes to flying!
In all seriousness, not sharing common interests or at least being tolerant of them, will lead to divorce. I'm convinced this is why so many people get divorced in their 40s. People grow apart. In your situation Becky, a guy who is flying 20 hours per year is not consumed by his passion. And as for 20 hours a year being enough, it depends. There are guys out there who fly 200 hours a year doing the same thing; flying the same 1 hour of experience over and over again. As him to periodically fly with an instructor if you fear he is unsafe. Even flying a lot, I will periodically go up for a ride with a CFI or CFII to see if I have picked up any bad habits.
Being married is a series of give and takes. Mine is certainly giving me more than I can take when it comes to flying!
In all seriousness, not sharing common interests or at least being tolerant of them, will lead to divorce. I'm convinced this is why so many people get divorced in their 40s. People grow apart. In your situation Becky, a guy who is flying 20 hours per year is not consumed by his passion. And as for 20 hours a year being enough, it depends. There are guys out there who fly 200 hours a year doing the same thing; flying the same 1 hour of experience over and over again. As him to periodically fly with an instructor if you fear he is unsafe. Even flying a lot, I will periodically go up for a ride with a CFI or CFII to see if I have picked up any bad habits.
The conversation has already been had for years, she just isn't getting the answers she's looking for.
Anthony
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2005
- Messages
- 18,478
- Display Name
Display name:
Anthony
azure
Final Approach
I haven't read all the responses yet, but up to this point I think it is clear that the issue is NOT that she is afraid. She has some fears, yes, and they sound like reasonable ones. But mostly she simply does not like the way it feels to fly in a small plane. She has even taken lessons and was interested in becoming a pilot at one time. That doesn't sound like someone who is unreasonably afraid of airplanes. Many people simply don't enjoy it. I have taken friends flying who have said so afterward in so many words. The noise and occasional bumpiness kill their enjoyment. One of my friends actually loves it but does get sick afterward, and it seems to be a form of motion sickness, so she basically cannot fly with me.
I do hope that Becky and her husband can both find the right balance in their relationship. It sounds as if she is mostly afraid of losing the balance that she has enjoyed, one where they spend much of their leisure and travel time together. Yes, ownership would likely change that, and not in her favor.
It will be real interesting to see if her "husband" joins POA and gives his side of the story......