A Wife's Questions

[denverpilot]

ROFL... Now now.

Ask him if there's anything keeping him from flying more and wait for the answer. That may be the biggest surprise.

He may be not flying much, attempting to save you both from being poor.

I took eight years off of flying. The first few years were definitely financial. It would have been a bad time of life to be spending money on an aviation hobby.

Later, it was all in my head. I'd start and stop, unsure if I was spending too much or if my wife would be bothered by it. (Note: She likes flying and will go anytime she has time.)

Luck, karma, fate, whatever... My dad's old neighbors were one half of two co-owners in a 182 and are as airplane nuts as I am. Invited to a Christmas party, liquored up, seed planted to become a co-owner.

Stressed out about it for weeks, maybe months. Spreadsheets, analysis, paralysis. Wife and co-owner's wife finally asked what the hell I was waiting for, after long discussion about budget changes with my wife and showing her the spreadsheet.

Spreadsheet was pretty close to reality, amazingly enough. 182 is a simple aircraft and surprises have been relatively few. Aircraft was in good condition. Etc.

My wife, is awesome. Truly. Co-ownership will be going on four years soon. (I "rented" from the LLC for a while as a prelude to fully buying in. So to speak. It was a usage contract with me listed as a named-insured.) Couldn't be happier with the arrangement.

Life happens, our little group will end someday. But for now, we enjoy.

Right now, I'm running numbers on buying a hangar. Other co-owners have shown interest in that also, and prices are depressed. I have the longest term outlook since I'm almost two decades younger than my co-owners. A hangar for me, even if the airplane someday goes away, is probably an asset worth having. Maybe stuck in analysis paralysis again. Not sure yet. Prices aren't going up on them right now, and a number are sitting empty, which is both good and bad, but means I can be slower to pull the trigger.

 

[Clark1961]

Right now, I'm running numbers on buying a hangar. Other co-owners have shown interest in that also, and prices are depressed. I have the longest term outlook since I'm almost two decades younger than my co-owners. A hangar for me, even if the airplane someday goes away, is probably an asset worth having. Maybe stuck in analysis paralysis again. Not sure yet. Prices aren't going up on them right now, and a number are sitting empty, which is both good and bad, but means I can be slower to pull the trigger.

T or Port-a-port?

 

[denverpilot]

T or Port-a-port?

There's a few of both for sale over here right now. A few are asking pipe dream prices. Once in a while, a real price shows up.

 

[Jim Logajan]

Jim, I hope Mrs. L appreciates the close attention you pay to communication.

Well, um, I suffer the same problem many husbands have: she can say something to me and it wont register. I'm a tad better with understanding the written word than the spoken one. Maybe if she used Western Union Telegrams....

It helps to know many of your wives are okay with you flying, though they don't share your interest. And that many wives did in fact learn to like flying, or if not actually liking it, at least flying with you now and then.

I don't know if anyone mentioned that there is a phrase analogous to "sports widow" that is used to describe the situation you are afraid you'd find yourself in: "aviation widow." As you've seen from those who have been willing to share their own private trials, the situation is not uncommon.

My husband is picking up on my change in attitude. We are talking. I feel more relaxed about things, and I don't think my previous level of anger and frustration will return, because I do feel heard now. So some of that stress is off my husband.

Cool. Sounds like PoA has acted as a kind of psychoanalyst's couch for you. Und no von had to write fake German accents ala Sigmund Freud. Das ist gut!

Henning, I can't hang out here on the site forever. I'm not a pilot!

As already noted, there are no requirements imposed by the operators of this forum on who may post; anyone can. It is nice if aviation is involved, but if you take a look you'll see there is a lot of non-aviation discussion going on.

I think this is a great community, though, and I'd love to be able to come back now and then if I have aviation questions that I can't find answers to anywhere else.

Consider asking your husband first - I'm sure he'd be happy to try and answer.

And if there were a forum somewhere for non-flying spouses, I'd probably visit it. Hopefully with an encouraging tone. We are somewhat of an overlooked group, you know. However, on this thread, you've come up trumps for us!

Gratefully,
Becky

I did some quick Google searching for "aviation widow" forums but couldn't find anything. Who knows, maybe the moderators could create an "Aviation Widow[er]s" subgroup on PoA.

 

[Becky]

Maybe if she used Western Union Telegrams....

An excellent idea. JIM STOP KITCHEN REMODEL WILL COST 75K STOP PLEASE ADJUST FLYING EXPENSES ACCORDINGLY STOP No ambiguity there.

Consider asking your husband first - I'm sure he'd be happy to try and answer.

I will ask him first, of course! Things are waaaay more relaxed around our house, thanks to all here. I hope I expressed my gratitude adequately. I know a lot of the work ahead will be mine.

Who knows, maybe the moderators could create an "Aviation Widow[er]s" subgroup on PoA.

That would serve a potentially valuable service for lots of spouses, who perhaps may already lurk. But I would, ah, call it something else. I still think airport "terminal" is an unfortunate label, too.

 

[RV10flyer]

We are happy to help. Wow, what a remodel job.

 

[Henning]

Jim, I hope Mrs. L appreciates the close attention you pay to communication.

YES, THEY WERE MY HUSBAND'S KIDS AND I DID HANG IN THERE FOR ALL OF US!!! LIKE I SAID, IT WAS A WILD RIDE!

But I don't think it gives me many points to try and claim. He would have hung in there with me if they'd been my kids.

And I'm not long gone. I would not leave without saying something ... you have been SO great. I didn't come here to hear what I "wanted to hear." I came here for your insights and suggestions, which you have been most generous with. I can no longer handily categorize pilots and aviation enthusiasts as oblivious to their loved ones' feelings. So there goes that.

I realize this issue has to be settled between my husband and me, not me and you all. I like resolution, not drama!

Leslie is indeed awesome, and I have been carefully reading her thoughts and some of the other posts I somehow missed. I've read them all over again now. Absorbing all these stories and suggestions and experiences is making me see some things. Things you would probably be glad that I am seeing. Things I can do to make this easier for both of us, and to let the whole thing unfold without clinging to the belief that it isn't fair or rational for him to impose it on me. Leslie, especially, but also many others of you, suggested some specific things I can do to make it better as we go along.

It helps to know many of your wives are okay with you flying, though they don't share your interest. And that many wives did in fact learn to like flying, or if not actually liking it, at least flying with you now and then.

My husband is picking up on my change in attitude. We are talking. I feel more relaxed about things, and I don't think my previous level of anger and frustration will return, because I do feel heard now. So some of that stress is off my husband.

Henning, I can't hang out here on the site forever. I'm not a pilot!

I think this is a great community, though, and I'd love to be able to come back now and then if I have aviation questions that I can't find answers to anywhere else.

And if there were a forum somewhere for non-flying spouses, I'd probably visit it. Hopefully with an encouraging tone. We are somewhat of an overlooked group, you know. However, on this thread, you've come up trumps for us!

Gratefully,
Becky

I'll believe it when you quit posting. You are not unique in that you are here and not a pilot.

 

[Matthew]

I hope I expressed my gratitude adequately.

We haven't seen any cookies yet!

 

[Henning]

It's not drama. It's normal female thinking things through..... And it sounds like that she has, despite some of the rougher responses, benefited from the various perspectives here and that overall the POAers have been of positive effect..... For her understanding, processing and it sounds like their new ability to communicate as a couple about a tricky subject.
Thats pretty good yall

But...but... Normal female thinking IS drama...

 

[TMetzinger]

Becky.

Being a pilot is not a requirement to participate here.

I hope you stay.

 

[N801BH]

We haven't seen any cookies yet!

Good point.....


And,
I would like some milk with those cookies, real milk please , that 2% stuff is yuckie....

And,
I like it at 37f.....

And,

Aw.... never mind. She has probably already washed the bowl or I would consume some of the raw dough...

























Are the cookies done yet

 

[ClimbnSink]

Are the cookies done yet

She needs that 75K kitchen remodel before she can bake cookies. I think she should get an easy bake oven and 74.9K worth of airplane for her husband.

 

[N801BH]

She needs that 75K kitchen remodel before she can bake cookies. I think she should get an easy bake oven and 74.9K worth of airplane for her husband.

If she gets a Easy Bake oven, I will send her a 500 watt light bulb.. Those 40 watters they provide takes about 3 months to cook a cupcake..

 

[RV10flyer]

She needs that 75K kitchen remodel before she can bake cookies. I think she should get an easy bake oven and 74.9K worth of airplane for her husband.

Totally agree...that is half of what it took to build our house ourselves. That is an important tidbit left out of the first few posts.


And that friends is the rest of the story!

 

[Matthew]

Totally agree...that is half of what it took to build our house ourselves. That is an important tidbit left out of the first few posts.


And that friends is the rest of the story!

This just got interestinger!

Somehow there is $75K causing a race to see who can spend it first!

--

But I still want cookies.

 

[w_privett]

To Becky, a few notes from someone with much experience being married.

My first wife stayed married to me while I was away in the service drawing hazardous duty pay. She insisted we wait to start a family until I was home full time. I wanted children so I mustered out and came home to find a divorce pleading on the kitchen table.

My 2nd wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, divorced me a month later and got custody of the child, and used my child support payments for her heroin habit until I took the baby back.

My 3rd wife had a secret affair with her boss, got pregnant, and tried to pass the baby off as mine. When the baby was born I noted that neither she nor I had any asian genetics so perhaps something was amiss with the child.

My current wife is the one I should have married first. We have raised each others children and although she suffers from some debilitating physical problems but we will cherish the time we have left together.

Your problem appears to be that your spouse, who is devoted and supporting of you, has a hobby which occupies a few odd hours of his time and in which you do not care to partake. You fear that your marriage may not survive this catastrophe. A small amount of perspective may be in order.

 

[LDJones]

To Becky, a few notes from someone with much experience being married.

My first wife stayed married to me while I was away in the service drawing hazardous duty pay. She insisted we wait to start a family until I was home full time. I wanted children so I mustered out and came home to find a divorce pleading on the kitchen table.

My 2nd wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, divorced me a month later and got custody of the child, and used my child support payments for her heroin habit until I took the baby back.

My 3rd wife had a secret affair with her boss, got pregnant, and tried to pass the baby off as mine. When the baby was born I noted that neither she nor I had any asian genetics so perhaps something was amiss with the child.

My current wife is the one I should have married first. We have raised each others children and although she suffers from some debilitating physical problems but we will cherish the time we have left together.

Your problem appears to be that your spouse, who is devoted and supporting of you, has a hobby which occupies a few odd hours of his time and in which you do not care to partake. You fear that your marriage may not survive this catastrophe. A small amount of perspective may be in order.

Bonus points for a second-, third-, and fourth-effort!! Wow!

 

[gismo]

But...but... Normal female thinking IS drama...

To us it is, but not necessarily to them.

 

[kontiki]

I'm not sure the OP is really about flying.

That is, the hobby you don't care for could have been camping, target shooting, rock climbing, bow hunting, airboating, raising dogs, bowling, drag racing . . .whatever.

I'd say roll back to, "he likes doing something you don't like" and take it from there.

 

[gismo]

I'm not sure the OP is really about flying.

That is, the hobby you don't care for could have been camping, target shooting, rock climbing, bow hunting, airboating, raising dogs, bowling, drag racing . . .whatever.

I'd say roll back to, "he likes doing something you don't like" and take it from there.

Way more to it than that. It's more like "he likes doing something that consumes a lot of money I think should be spent elsewhere and he wants me to do it with him but I hate doing it".

 

[Geico266]

Things are waaaay more relaxed around our house, thanks to all here. I hope I expressed my gratitude adequately. I know a lot of the work ahead will be mine.

Glad to her it Becky, no one hates divorce more than I do.

Things would be way more relaxed if you told hubby you are fine with his flying.

 

[ja_user]

To Becky, a few notes from someone with much experience being married.

My first wife stayed married to me while I was away in the service drawing hazardous duty pay. She insisted we wait to start a family until I was home full time. I wanted children so I mustered out and came home to find a divorce pleading on the kitchen table.

My 2nd wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, divorced me a month later and got custody of the child, and used my child support payments for her heroin habit until I took the baby back.

My 3rd wife had a secret affair with her boss, got pregnant, and tried to pass the baby off as mine. When the baby was born I noted that neither she nor I had any asian genetics so perhaps something was amiss with the child.

My current wife is the one I should have married first. We have raised each others children and although she suffers from some debilitating physical problems but we will cherish the time we have left together.

Your problem appears to be that your spouse, who is devoted and supporting of you, has a hobby which occupies a few odd hours of his time and in which you do not care to partake. You fear that your marriage may not survive this catastrophe. A small amount of perspective may be in order.

I would have had to consider that perhaps I was not marriage material, about the 2nd or 3rd one...

 

[Jim Logajan]

An excellent idea. JIM STOP KITCHEN REMODEL WILL COST 75K STOP PLEASE ADJUST FLYING EXPENSES ACCORDINGLY STOP No ambiguity there.

Funny you should mention kitchen remodeling - we do plan to do that in the next year. I sure hope it costs less than $75k! STOP We are just now finishing a master bathroom remodel that we hope should be done this week. (The master bathroom remodel replaced all the cabinets, new Corian counter top, two new sinks and plumbing, new toilet, new floor and shower tile, etc. All for the low low price of ~$15k.)

Fortunately I'm happy renting airplanes - cheaper than owning an airplane (or house remodeling) at my current rate of flying. My wife is prone to motion sickness, so she takes Dramamine before she flies with me. But she does like to do photography, so that is something she tries to do when she flies with me. But she doesn't care for strut-braced high wing airplanes because the struts too often get into the shots. Alas, those are the only airplane types available at the places where I can rent.

I will ask him first, of course! Things are waaaay more relaxed around our house, thanks to all here. I hope I expressed my gratitude adequately. I know a lot of the work ahead will be mine.

That would serve a potentially valuable service for lots of spouses, who perhaps may already lurk. But I would, ah, call it something else. I still think airport "terminal" is an unfortunate label, too.

How about "Non-aviating Spouse Mutual Support Forum (or Group)"?
Too boring, I know. I also worked out "Mutual Information For Flying Enslaved Dependents Discussion Forum" (or M.I.F.F.E.D. Discussion Forum for short.)

[I used to try inventing amusing acronyms - but don't do it much anymore, and you can see why. I seem to recall I started trying to invent them after reading some stores by author Keith Laumer, I think, who put some amusing ones in his stories.]

 

[dell30rb]

Way more to it than that. It's more like "he likes doing something that consumes a lot of money I think should be spent elsewhere and he wants me to do it with him but I hate doing it".

Just gotta point out that flying does not have to be super expensive. I fly 8-15 hours per month and I could easily spend that money on a boat, golf, shooting, photography, god forbid I take up motocross racing again or start riding ponies.

In fact there is a good shooting range near our airport and for about the same cost as a 50 round sporting clays trip (incl ammo and range cost) I can fly 45 mins round trip and get a BBQ sandwich. Lots of weekends I do both

 

[DaleB]

I don't know if anyone mentioned that there is a phrase analogous to "sports widow" that is used to describe the situation you are afraid you'd find yourself in: "aviation widow." As you've seen from those who have been willing to share their own private trials, the situation is not uncommon.

8< snip...

I did some quick Google searching for "aviation widow" forums but couldn't find anything. Who knows, maybe the moderators could create an "Aviation Widow[er]s" subgroup on PoA.

Ummmmm... I don't know of any real "sports widows", unless maybe there are a few whose husbands maybe died of heart failure while watching the game. There might be a few more "real" aviation widows out there. Given that the whole "plunging to the earth in a flaming ball of twisted metal" idea seems to factor into a lot of wives' problems with their husbands flying habits, maybe that's not the best approach.

 

[Becky]

Things would be way more relaxed if you told hubby you are fine with his flying.

I tried. I said, "I love you. And ... and ..." But then I just kept saying "I love you." Couldn't say the next part.

But I'll do it. I will. Re-reading the thread and getting comfortable with some of the ideas there.

I'll do it. Should have someone standing by with a camera on my husband's face when he hears it ...

 

[Anthony]

Becky, you're a really good wife. I spoke to soon in a previous post. My apologies, as we've had spouses come here previously who just wanted to reniforce their dislike of their partners flying, and taking time away from them. Your husband is very fortunate.

Good luck! I am sure all will be fine.

 

[Becky]

...we've had spouses come here previously who just wanted to reniforce their dislike of their partners flying, and taking time away from them.

While I can sympathize, I wonder what the heck they thought you'd say. I was sort of braced for the worst, which indeed was confirmed here, but then strategies were offered. It's feeling like you have no options that makes spouses skittish and resentful in this matter.

I received a PM from a wonderful pilot who even suggested my husband and I spend much more non-flying time together, even working together, so that when he went flying I'd find it a nice change.

Creative thinking is all over this thread.

 

[Becky]

How about "Non-aviating Spouse Mutual Support Forum (or Group)"? Too boring, I know. I also worked out "Mutual Information For Flying Enslaved Dependents Discussion Forum" (or M.I.F.F.E.D. Discussion Forum for short.)

I like M.I.F.F.E.D!!! That led me to think of Pertinent Info for Spouses Sucked into Escalating Desertion.

Through the years I have thought about writing a book for disgruntled aviation spouses, titled "The Reluctant Right-Seater." But I was too disgruntled to focus on it. This thread has much material for such a book! Writing such a book would be therapeutic!

But would have a very small customer base. Maybe a pamphlet ...

 

[Jaybird180]

Write the book for the book's sake. Fret not over sales figures.

 

[Jim Logajan]

I like M.I.F.F.E.D!!! That led me to think of Pertinent Info for Spouses Sucked into Escalating Desertion.

That's better than my attempt - it is hard to come up with a cute acronym.

Through the years I have thought about writing a book for disgruntled aviation spouses, titled "The Reluctant Right-Seater." But I was too disgruntled to focus on it. This thread has much material for such a book! Writing such a book would be therapeutic!

But would have a very small customer base. Maybe a pamphlet ...

Nice title for such a book, actually. I agree with Jaybird - you should write it.

Hmmm - "Reluctant Right-Seaters" also sounds good for a forum name too.

(In helicopters, the convention is that the pilot sits on the right and any passenger on the left, but most people with these issues involve airplanes.)

 

[SCCutler]

Becks-

After your honey gets up and current, pick a place to go which can only be conveniently reached by general aviation aircraft, and go - have fun- make some magic that has airplane written all over it. You may be surprised how that changes things.

I was concerned about whether my wife would be comfortable flying with me - when I came home from passing my check ride (ten years and four months ago), I told her, "I passed!" Her response was, "Of course you did, so where are we going?"

She has been the chief finder of adventures ever since, and an amazing amount of our life together (including our son) has been made possible only through the use of GA aircraft. We have met some of the finest people we know, as well, through aviation (several right here at PoA).

Here's a great place to go unwind, and they have a great airstrip: www.CiboloCreekRanch.com

You won't want to leave!

 

[docmirror]

I've been following this saga, and it's quite a window into relationship issues. In a larger sense, I kind of lump these kind of things into what I call 'first world problems'. There are partners out there who've suffered irreparable harm leading to divorce or worse. There are husbands and wives out there that struggle for money to eat, pay rent, etc every month. There are wives out there that wait for their husband to come home from second shift after working a day job, and of course, could be vice-versa for the working women.

There are couples out there that haven't seen their partner cause they are stuck in a filthy sand box in a foreign country, doing a miserable and dangerous job. There are couples who can't have kids and want them, or have too many kids that they can't control. Couples who constantly fight, or abuse, husbands who spend hours/days at a bar, or nightclub, race track, casino, etc.

Becky's husband has the aviation bug. Some go it alone, some try to share it with their SO. She doesn't like flying for herself, and the worst issue she has is that her husband is spending marital assets(I don't know if they combine or keep separate) which apparently he earned on something that he seriously enjoys. Becky's complaint is that her husband wants to include her in something he finds fascinating and wishes she would also find it even marginally interesting, which she does not.

I'm going to file this in the same bin with the following complaints:
"My Ferrari leather is getting too firm"
"The cashmere lining on my calf-skin gloves keeps getting caught on my diamond ring."
"My kids only get a tuition scholarship at Stanford."
"There's a deep gouge in my Rosewood settee from the cleaning lady."
etc, ad-nauseam.

If you can't enjoy flying with your husband, give him a kiss and a hug as he goes out the door, and welcome him back with a beer and a good aroma from the kitchen. It's what wives do, and what husbands do, and the planet still spins in greased grooves. If you want to call me a misogynistic pig, that's fine.

 

[pbramlett]

If you can't enjoy flying with your husband, give him a kiss and a hug as he goes out the door, and welcome him back with a beer and a good aroma from the kitchen. It's what wives do, and what husbands do, and the planet still spins in greased grooves. If you want to call me a misogynistic pig, that's fine.

EXACTLY!

 

[ebetancourt]

I have followed this thread with great fascination. My wife has many of the same issues, although she will go with me places and somewhat rarely, just for a ride. I work hard to find "good air" for those times, but last summer I subjected her to four hours of constant light turbulence with some frequent moderate in the back seat of a Citabria. Part of that was due to the fact that she has ear block problems so I always stay low. Thankfully the ride home was smooth, or I might never have gotten her in an airplane again.

I went over 20 years with out any significant flying after leaving the AF because I couldn't justify the $ for most of that time. Then took a job that required a long commute and bought a Mooney. Remembered how much I enjoy flying and bought a Citabria to keep the Mooney company. A little less than three years ago I realized I wasn't using the Mooney much anymore and decided I really really wanted a Waco Classic. I now have a gorgeous red YMF-5C but I put it up for sale because it is pretty extravagant, and really don't have time to fly these days with work.

My wife is very unhappy -- with the thought that I would sell the airplane. In her words, "you are always so happy when you get to fly it."

I already knew I was a lucky guy, but this thread really reinforced that. Guess I need to start thinking about an anniversary present for our 52nd early next year. :wink2:

 

[kimberlyanne546]

I have followed this thread with great fascination. My wife has many of the same issues, although she will go with me places and somewhat rarely, just for a ride. I work hard to find "good air" for those times, but last summer I subjected her to four hours of constant light turbulence with some frequent moderate in the back seat of a Citabria. Part of that was due to the fact that she has ear block problems so I always stay low. Thankfully the ride home was smooth, or I might never have gotten her in an airplane again.

I went over 20 years with out any significant flying after leaving the AF because I couldn't justify the $ for most of that time. Then took a job that required a long commute and bought a Mooney. Remembered how much I enjoy flying and bought a Citabria to keep the Mooney company. A little less than three years ago I realized I wasn't using the Mooney much anymore and decided I really really wanted a Waco Classic. I now have a gorgeous red YMF-5C but I put it up for sale because it is pretty extravagant, and really don't have time to fly these days with work.

My wife is very unhappy -- with the thought that I would sell the airplane. In her words, "you are always so happy when you get to fly it."

I already knew I was a lucky guy, but this thread really reinforced that. Guess I need to start thinking about an anniversary present for our 52nd early next year. :wink2:

That is a long time. Congratulations.

 

[proppastie]

a week or so before I flew it to OSH a few years back she told me " either you sell the plane or I am divorcing you"... I went to OSH and came back to the papers laying on the dining room table.. People change.... Life goes on..


Was this really about the airplane? Does not make sense to me. or People change..?

 

[Becky]

I already knew I was a lucky guy, but this thread really reinforced that. Guess I need to start thinking about an anniversary present for our 52nd early next year. :wink2:

I certainly add my congratulations! That is IMPRESSIVE.

Just read today that women need to feel loved, and men need to feel respected. A generalization, to be sure. But.

Maybe wives left behind a lot don't feel loved. At some point they decide they'd rather be alone, or with someone they do feel loved by.

Maybe a husband doesn't feel respected by his wife if she expects something from him he finds impossible to give. He may leave, and find a woman who doesn't ask him to give that impossible thing in order for her to feel loved.

There's a strong cultural tenet floating around out there that says that if you love someone, you will put their happiness above your own. This is tricky, because their happiness may cause you a fair amount of unhappiness.

That is what this thread has been about ... what to do when the most loving thing you can do for your partner makes you very uncomfortable, and perhaps will do so for a long time.

Putting flying in perspective, as many of you have written, is one of the keys.

It's not cancer. It's not adultery. And presumeably, it's not bankruptcy.

That's how this thing is unrolling for me. I want my husband to be happy, and I know he wants me to be happy, too. Right now, and for the foreseeable future, that means me working around his hobby, while giving my best effort to keeping things pleasant and loving. I think he'll do that, too.

I'd still rather have a root canal than tell him I've become settled with the idea that he'll fly more and maybe even (ack) buy a plane. But I will do it, and am thinking of maybe writing it in a Christmas card. That way, he'll have something to wave around and point at if I slip back.

 

[AdamZ]

Some guys like Grant have a wonderful wife that is a pilot herself others have spouses that refuse to fly, others have spouses that refuse to let their spouses fly, others like my wife likes to fly to get some where but not just for the sake of flying. Her one bit of 'control' as you put it is that she asks that I call her when I land. At first I resisted but then realized its a small price to pay, a simple phone call.

 

[comanchepilot]

Becky, my wife volunteers me to fly her mother places . . . so its possible to get comfortable with the flying.

In order for you to feel comfortable you need to know that he is safe.

Being 'safe' means you have to fly. There is no substitute for experience and skill. These are gained by actually going out and doing something.

The easiest way to gain experience is to own an aircraft and fly it as often as you'd like . . .

If he didn't fly and he wanted to - you'd break his heart. Thats not respect or any of the other buzz words -you'd break his heart. This flying thing is a passion. You have it or you don't. Its too damn hard to do regularly to feel that its a 'hobby.' If I never built another model airplane or looked through a telescope - I'd could live with it. Its a hobby.

Aviation is a passion. Its expensive and has lots of rules and its time consuming and money consuming - its not something people do on a lark. Even in Alaska where there are many who need to fly to live and work.

Figure out something you can't live without - and how would you feel if one day your spouse came up with reasons why you could never do it again. They might be logical and they might make sense- but I guarantee that you would not remain married for long.